The Horseless Wonder
@thehorselesswonder.bsky.social
They stole my dadgum trusty steed
Pinned
My poor flaccid grandfather. Near the end we started dropping burning cigarettes into his inflation port. He always said, don’t put me in that retirement bouncehouse!
The Assassination of Papa John by the Coward Little Caesar
November 5, 2025 at 3:00 AM
The Assassination of Papa John by the Coward Little Caesar
Rigor mortis is like a second puberty. You’re rock hard all the time and girls find you disgusting
October 3, 2025 at 8:37 PM
Rigor mortis is like a second puberty. You’re rock hard all the time and girls find you disgusting
Jane Goodall was definitely a furry
October 2, 2025 at 10:45 PM
Jane Goodall was definitely a furry
I bought a book on how to swallow your own body but it’s not written in a language I understand. The guy at the bookstore said you have to hit yourself on the head with a hammer every night and eventually it will start making sense
September 16, 2025 at 2:53 AM
I bought a book on how to swallow your own body but it’s not written in a language I understand. The guy at the bookstore said you have to hit yourself on the head with a hammer every night and eventually it will start making sense
How Manuel Uribe became 1300lbs: he just stopped exercising
September 16, 2025 at 2:24 AM
How Manuel Uribe became 1300lbs: he just stopped exercising
I can’t tell how fat I am. I imagine I’m over 900 pounds, but I haven’t seen my own body in years because my forehead fat has grown over my eyes. Sometimes he pulls my fupa back and cleans it with something, to prevent it from becoming stuck to my knees. One day he won’t bother
September 16, 2025 at 2:06 AM
I can’t tell how fat I am. I imagine I’m over 900 pounds, but I haven’t seen my own body in years because my forehead fat has grown over my eyes. Sometimes he pulls my fupa back and cleans it with something, to prevent it from becoming stuck to my knees. One day he won’t bother
Just remembered those pro-stroke/ brain injury ads from a few years ago, with the drooling guys in wheelchairs saying stuff like “I feel better than ever!”
The weirdest was the one with the jingle that was targeted towards addicts:
“Have you gone bankrupt getting high?
Just give yourself a TBI!“
The weirdest was the one with the jingle that was targeted towards addicts:
“Have you gone bankrupt getting high?
Just give yourself a TBI!“
September 16, 2025 at 1:18 AM
Just remembered those pro-stroke/ brain injury ads from a few years ago, with the drooling guys in wheelchairs saying stuff like “I feel better than ever!”
The weirdest was the one with the jingle that was targeted towards addicts:
“Have you gone bankrupt getting high?
Just give yourself a TBI!“
The weirdest was the one with the jingle that was targeted towards addicts:
“Have you gone bankrupt getting high?
Just give yourself a TBI!“
One thing people don’t know about me is I love snorting cocaine
September 16, 2025 at 12:46 AM
One thing people don’t know about me is I love snorting cocaine
Silly rabbit, Trix are for mentally stunted adults attempting in vain to recapture the supposed magic of their childhood, which was in fact horribly isolating and full of psychological, physical, sexual, and verbal abuse, and which resulted in a total inability to form or maintain relationships,
September 16, 2025 at 12:23 AM
Silly rabbit, Trix are for mentally stunted adults attempting in vain to recapture the supposed magic of their childhood, which was in fact horribly isolating and full of psychological, physical, sexual, and verbal abuse, and which resulted in a total inability to form or maintain relationships,
This is awful
September 15, 2025 at 10:41 PM
This is awful
We live in a cockroach century!
September 14, 2025 at 11:17 PM
We live in a cockroach century!
This guy I know is a prochronophile, none of the women he’s dated have been born yet, some are 50,000 or 60,000 years younger than him
He says he loves their innocence, their ethereality, their bodilessness. They always leave him when they find out he’s a convicted rapist
He says he loves their innocence, their ethereality, their bodilessness. They always leave him when they find out he’s a convicted rapist
September 14, 2025 at 11:15 PM
This guy I know is a prochronophile, none of the women he’s dated have been born yet, some are 50,000 or 60,000 years younger than him
He says he loves their innocence, their ethereality, their bodilessness. They always leave him when they find out he’s a convicted rapist
He says he loves their innocence, their ethereality, their bodilessness. They always leave him when they find out he’s a convicted rapist
A bedtime story? Alright little Hoyt. Well once upon a time ther was a feller so old and lonesome he went and jumped right off a cliff… when he hit the ground he was dumfounded, he wadn’t hurt none! He wanted to prove his powers to the big wide world.
September 14, 2025 at 8:42 PM
A bedtime story? Alright little Hoyt. Well once upon a time ther was a feller so old and lonesome he went and jumped right off a cliff… when he hit the ground he was dumfounded, he wadn’t hurt none! He wanted to prove his powers to the big wide world.
You come home late one night and Joe Biden is in your kitchen making spaghetti. What do you do?
September 14, 2025 at 1:06 AM
You come home late one night and Joe Biden is in your kitchen making spaghetti. What do you do?
Heard they’re making a show based on Dexter about a vigilante who only rapes rapists
September 13, 2025 at 11:58 PM
Heard they’re making a show based on Dexter about a vigilante who only rapes rapists
Clint Eastwood, gritting his teeth: There are two kinds of people in this world, my friend… those who fuck, and those who get fucked… Tuco, bend over
September 13, 2025 at 8:59 PM
Clint Eastwood, gritting his teeth: There are two kinds of people in this world, my friend… those who fuck, and those who get fucked… Tuco, bend over
An ogre broke into my house last night. When I told him he could stay he burst into tears and then beat me to death
September 13, 2025 at 8:49 PM
An ogre broke into my house last night. When I told him he could stay he burst into tears and then beat me to death
Look, any idiot can be a genius. Some of the dumbest guys I know are smart
September 13, 2025 at 1:09 PM
Look, any idiot can be a genius. Some of the dumbest guys I know are smart
Bidetism is the fastest growing religion in the world. Soon the use of toilet paper will be considered heresy and punishable by death
September 13, 2025 at 1:09 PM
Bidetism is the fastest growing religion in the world. Soon the use of toilet paper will be considered heresy and punishable by death
Dave McGowan with a broccoli haircut: that Tyler Robinson kid’s a CIA simp fr fr
September 13, 2025 at 1:04 PM
Dave McGowan with a broccoli haircut: that Tyler Robinson kid’s a CIA simp fr fr
Telling my pet doppelganger what a good boy he is as I take him to the vet to have him neutered
September 13, 2025 at 12:35 PM
Telling my pet doppelganger what a good boy he is as I take him to the vet to have him neutered
I always read “effective altruism” as “effective autism”
September 13, 2025 at 3:11 AM
I always read “effective altruism” as “effective autism”
Manuel Uribe died in 2014? And no one fucking told me?
September 13, 2025 at 2:16 AM
Manuel Uribe died in 2014? And no one fucking told me?
I was too dumb to tie a knot in the umbilical cord
September 13, 2025 at 1:19 AM
I was too dumb to tie a knot in the umbilical cord
I’ve never heard any Taylor Swift songs but I imagine they’re mind-blowing and brutally psychedelic, like being thrown into another universe by an evil god
September 12, 2025 at 8:26 PM
I’ve never heard any Taylor Swift songs but I imagine they’re mind-blowing and brutally psychedelic, like being thrown into another universe by an evil god