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theemptypress.com
The Empty Press
@theemptypress.com
93 followers 3 following 570 posts
We're TheEmptyPress, AKA "The Old Dark Lady". We write worthless, satirical garbage. Also, we're not an AI, we're just bad at what we do.

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The Empty Press @theemptypress.com · Jun 8
The foundational pillar of the abuses and inequities of modern Western society is the tendency of poor White people to believe that problems that rich White people created are the fault of poor People of Colour.

#HousingCrisis #CDNPoli #CanPoli #NSPoli
theemptypress.com
"When I was in high school, I used to tell people that my girlfriend was a Nova Scotian meteorologist who had a sweet clue what the fuck was going on"

#NSStorm #NovaScotia #Halifax #Halisky
December 2, 2025 at 6:55 PM
theemptypress.com
Mariko-sama commits seppuku outside offices of Nova Scotia Power

#NSPoli #Shogun #NovaScotia #Halisky
Mariko-sama commits seppuku outside offices of Nova Scotia Power - The Empty Press
HALIFAX – Editor’s Note: It was a shocking scene at sunset, yesterday, when our beloved Toda Mariko took her own life in protest of recent actions at Nova Scotia Power. Out of respect, we print her st...
theemptypress.com
November 30, 2025 at 11:07 PM
theemptypress.com
Colleen Jones was a Nova Scotian institution. She will be missed.

#Halisky
November 25, 2025 at 9:31 PM
theemptypress.com
How is it that the good people of Arizona had their team taken from them, yet that ridiculous organisation in Toronto continues to exist?

#NHL #LeafsForever #GoLeafsGo #Toronto
November 23, 2025 at 4:21 PM
theemptypress.com
We do these things for the greater good.

#Halifax #NovaScotia #Woody #Christmas #Halisky
Season of the Wood - The Empty Press
“The time has come now children!“Hurry please!”, I shout, “Make haste!”Down the steps they all clamber“We have little time to waste!” “Make sure to fill your bellies!“We’ll have no stops for hunger!”P...
theemptypress.com
November 19, 2025 at 7:22 PM
theemptypress.com
Brett Emmons is this generation's Dave Coulier

#TheBeaches #Alanis #Halisky
November 14, 2025 at 10:10 PM
theemptypress.com
"We don't think there are unmarked graves in the place where they beat, raped, and stripped the religious and cultural identity out of children, in a campaign of state-sponsored genocide" isn't the flex you think it is.

#EveryChildMatters #RebelNews
Drea Humphrey on X: "KAMLOOPS 215 “UNMARKED GRAVES.” Why are people who really want there to have been 215 kids’ bodies discovered when they have not, like this? More to come: https://t.co/RpznYVqS8w https://t.co/o7iqY9XBJ8" / X
KAMLOOPS 215 “UNMARKED GRAVES.” Why are people who really want there to have been 215 kids’ bodies discovered when they have not, like this? More to come: https://t.co/RpznYVqS8w https://t.co/o7iqY9XBJ8
x.com
November 14, 2025 at 2:50 PM
theemptypress.com
See, now this is why you need to fund PBS. Y'all missed the episode brought to you by the letter i.

#MuppetsDontRape

#MegynKelly #PBS #Epstein

@balleralert.com
balleralert.com
November 14, 2025 at 12:12 AM
theemptypress.com
"You're telling me they can cram the entirety of Ancient Tokyo into a shopping mall in Nova Scotia, but they can't make a cell phone battery that lasts more than 30 minutes?!"

@halifaxretales.bsky.social
halifaxretales.bsky.social Halifax ReTales @halifaxretales.bsky.social · 20d
Edo Japan is open at the Halifax Shopping Centre food court
November 13, 2025 at 2:00 PM
theemptypress.com
“‘Pierre Poilievre is a fat virgin’ does look an awful lot like my handwriting”.

#CDNPoli #MeanGirls #NSPoli #dEntremont #Halisky
d'Entremont: Conservative leaders kept burn book of fellow MPs - The Empty Press
YARMOUTH – Following his decision to join the governing Liberals, former Conservative MP Chris d’Entremont is accusing his former party’s leadership of engaging in bullying tactics, including writing ...
theemptypress.com
November 13, 2025 at 3:38 AM
theemptypress.com
Don Cherry implores Canadians to remember that he was once relevant.

#RemembranceDay #LestWeForget
November 11, 2025 at 8:26 PM
theemptypress.com
#RemembranceDay #Halisky
Canadians solemnly gather to Remember to forget Soldiers of Colour - The Empty Press
HALIFAX – A light drizzle accompanied a sacred gathering at the Grand Parade cenotaph, today, as a moment of silence highlighted the nation’s annual service to remember the lives of the White men, and...
theemptypress.com
November 11, 2025 at 2:23 PM
theemptypress.com
Palestinians are "Arabian" in the same way that the people of India are "British".

So, if that's the case, then, get ready to open your wallets.

#Palestine #Israel #UKPoli
November 10, 2025 at 5:43 PM
theemptypress.com
The Premier suggested residents report any suspicious activity from their peers, like expressions of frustration with pet dander, or asking any questions about the Dartmouth Cove Infill.

#NSPoli #TimHouston #NovaScotia #Poppies #RemembranceDay #Halifax #Halisky
Tim Houston expresses disgust and outrage at definitely real group of judges that wants to kill your dog - The Empty Press
HALIFAX – Premier Tim Houston took to social media today to condemn a “definitely real” cabal of local judges that intends to kill your dog. “It is with great concern that I inform the good people of ...
theemptypress.com
November 7, 2025 at 10:40 PM
theemptypress.com
Are we the only ones who get the vibe that @bradlander.bsky.social’s going to give the first rich arsehole who publishes a racist op-ed about @zohrankmamdani.bsky.social’s mayoralty a lesson in how a female grizzly treats a threat to her cubs?

#NYC #Mamdani
November 6, 2025 at 7:41 PM
theemptypress.com
We think it's worth a reminder that if Malala tried a fraction of what Greta's done, she probably would've received multiple more bullets to the head.

#Malala #GretaThunberg #Vox
The internet’s weirdest stan war
Why people are pitting Malala Yousafzai and Greta Thunberg against each other.
www.vox.com
November 6, 2025 at 4:51 PM
theemptypress.com
The people of Central Park will be silenced no longer.

#CentralPark #NYC #Mamdani #NYTimes
Mamdani election
November 5, 2025 at 2:01 PM
theemptypress.com
So we're in agreement, Benjamin Kindel shall henceforth be known as "The Amazon Man".

#LetsGoPens #NHL
November 5, 2025 at 4:45 AM
theemptypress.com
All communication should be in English or French, or this isn't a province whose name is literally Latin!

theemptypress.com/horrifying-s...

#Halifax #NovaScotia #NSPoli #HfxPoli #YHZ #Halisky
Horrifying scenes in Halifax after Arabic sign causes sun to set an hour earlier - The Empty Press
HALIFAX – There was terror and pandemonium in the region’s largest city this weekend after a billboard featuring words in the Arabic language caused the sun to set an hour earlier than usual. “I knew ...
theemptypress.com
November 3, 2025 at 7:37 PM
theemptypress.com
And Rogers.

#SilverLinings #BlueJays #WorldSeries #LightsUpLetsGo #WANTITALL #Toronto #LetsGoDodgers
Jays fans take comfort in knowledge that they can still hate Shapiro and Atkins - The Empty Press
OTTAWA – After a disappointing Game 7 loss to the Los Angeles Dodgers in the 2025 World Series, fans of the Toronto Blue Jays are taking comfort in the knowledge that the defeat means they can continu...
theemptypress.com
November 2, 2025 at 5:10 PM
theemptypress.com
Look at it this way, Torontonians. A championship-winning team might mean more frequent trips to the city by annoying 905ers.

#SilverLinings #WorldSeries #BlueJays #LetsGoDodgers #WANTITALL #LightsUpLetsGo #Toronto
November 2, 2025 at 4:30 PM
theemptypress.com
Ohtani and Scherzer. A day that will long be remembered as the first World Series showdown between X-men.

#WorldSeries #WantItAll #LetsGoDodgers
November 1, 2025 at 3:26 PM
theemptypress.com
BREAKING: Nova Scotia hates kids

#NovaScotia #Halifax #Storm #Halloween
October 31, 2025 at 4:08 PM
theemptypress.com
Canadian TV producers would've passed on Breaking Bad unless Walter White was a hockey coach.

#CanCon #CanadianTV #CanadaTV #Canada #Halisky
October 28, 2025 at 4:53 PM
theemptypress.com
Yamamoto defies pitching analytics convention by not being a coddled widdle baby.

#WorldSeries #BringItHome #MLB #LightsUpLetsGo #LetsGoDodgers
October 26, 2025 at 2:04 PM