The Empty Press
@theemptypress.com
We're TheEmptyPress, AKA "The Old Dark Lady". We write worthless, satirical garbage. Also, we're not an AI, we're just bad at what we do.
https://linktr.ee/theemptypress
https://linktr.ee/theemptypress
Pinned
The Empty Press
@theemptypress.com
· Jun 8
The foundational pillar of the abuses and inequities of modern Western society is the tendency of poor White people to believe that problems that rich White people created are the fault of poor People of Colour.
#HousingCrisis #CDNPoli #CanPoli #NSPoli
#HousingCrisis #CDNPoli #CanPoli #NSPoli
I mean, if you really want to see white and orange combined you could always look at the POTUS.
@halifaxretales.bsky.social
@halifaxretales.bsky.social
January 31, 2026 at 2:33 PM
I mean, if you really want to see white and orange combined you could always look at the POTUS.
@halifaxretales.bsky.social
@halifaxretales.bsky.social
January 30, 2026 at 8:56 PM
"I've been taking inspiration from watching clips of Cirque Du Soleil, videos of cats stretching, and porn, lots and lots of porn"
#cars #mechanics #satire
#cars #mechanics #satire
Tragic! Sexy mechanic severs spine while seductively inspecting engine - The Empty Press
LOWER SACKVILLE – In a horrifying scene, local sexy mechanic Hilary Palance was left paralyzed after her spinal cord snapped while she was seductively leaning over to inspect an engine. “It was a rout...
theemptypress.com
January 30, 2026 at 2:52 PM
"I've been taking inspiration from watching clips of Cirque Du Soleil, videos of cats stretching, and porn, lots and lots of porn"
#cars #mechanics #satire
#cars #mechanics #satire
Evidently, "Damning new video shows Alex Pretti not hurting anyone" wasn't a snappy-enough title.
@dailymail.co.uk
#Minneapolis #AlexPretti #DailyMail
@dailymail.co.uk
#Minneapolis #AlexPretti #DailyMail
Damning new video shows Alex Pretti running at ICE agents and screaming in their faces before smashing feds' tail light trib.al/81OrG3n
Damning new video shows Alex Pretti running at ICE agents
The new perspective comes just hours after lawyers for Pretti's family confirmed the man in the clip spitting at a federal SUV, smashing its tail light and fighting with cops was him.
www.dailymail.co.uk
January 30, 2026 at 1:50 PM
Evidently, "Damning new video shows Alex Pretti not hurting anyone" wasn't a snappy-enough title.
@dailymail.co.uk
#Minneapolis #AlexPretti #DailyMail
@dailymail.co.uk
#Minneapolis #AlexPretti #DailyMail
Just a friendly reminder that Renee Good and Alex Pretti were protesting because they weren't the only people killed by ICE.
#Minneapolis #ReneeGood #AlexPretti
#Minneapolis #ReneeGood #AlexPretti
January 29, 2026 at 4:57 PM
Just a friendly reminder that Renee Good and Alex Pretti were protesting because they weren't the only people killed by ICE.
#Minneapolis #ReneeGood #AlexPretti
#Minneapolis #ReneeGood #AlexPretti
We re-posting this because a lot unpleasant types seem to trying to turn us against the White ladies we like, and need.
#ReneeGood #ReneeWasBetterThanGood #Minneapolis
#ReneeGood #ReneeWasBetterThanGood #Minneapolis
PSA: Not all Karens are Bad - The Empty Press
We here at The Empty Press would like to take a moment to register our frustration with a recent trend. The colloquialism “Karen” used to refer to entitled White ladies who leverage their privilege on...
theemptypress.com
January 27, 2026 at 11:31 PM
We re-posting this because a lot unpleasant types seem to trying to turn us against the White ladies we like, and need.
#ReneeGood #ReneeWasBetterThanGood #Minneapolis
#ReneeGood #ReneeWasBetterThanGood #Minneapolis
Canadians have been waiting nearly 30 years for another opportunity to mercilessly mock Torontonians for their response to a blizzard.
Please don't disappoint us.
#CallInTheTroops
#Toronto
Please don't disappoint us.
#CallInTheTroops
#Toronto
January 25, 2026 at 11:45 PM
Canadians have been waiting nearly 30 years for another opportunity to mercilessly mock Torontonians for their response to a blizzard.
Please don't disappoint us.
#CallInTheTroops
#Toronto
Please don't disappoint us.
#CallInTheTroops
#Toronto
The people defaming Renee Good and Alex Pretti are the same ones who used to claim that "All Lives Matter"
#Minneapolis #AlexPretti #ReneeGood
#Minneapolis #AlexPretti #ReneeGood
January 25, 2026 at 10:58 PM
The people defaming Renee Good and Alex Pretti are the same ones who used to claim that "All Lives Matter"
#Minneapolis #AlexPretti #ReneeGood
#Minneapolis #AlexPretti #ReneeGood
Hey Hollywood,
Did you know that some Brown people have last names that AREN'T "Patel"?
#CrazyButTrue #Desi
Did you know that some Brown people have last names that AREN'T "Patel"?
#CrazyButTrue #Desi
January 19, 2026 at 11:24 PM
Hey Hollywood,
Did you know that some Brown people have last names that AREN'T "Patel"?
#CrazyButTrue #Desi
Did you know that some Brown people have last names that AREN'T "Patel"?
#CrazyButTrue #Desi
In a related story, Houston revealed that his team had learned that a recent purchase of edibles in Digby had caused Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s testicles to swell to the size of a grapefruit.
#Halifax #NovaScotia #Cannabis #NSPoli
#Halifax #NovaScotia #Cannabis #NSPoli
Houston warns Nova Scotians to check their pets for illegal dispensaries - The Empty Press
HALIFAX – Nova Scotian Premier Tim Houston is advising Nova Scotians to check their cats and dogs for illegal cannibas dispensaries. In a statement at Province House this morning, Mr. Houston told the...
theemptypress.com
January 18, 2026 at 11:45 PM
In a related story, Houston revealed that his team had learned that a recent purchase of edibles in Digby had caused Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s testicles to swell to the size of a grapefruit.
#Halifax #NovaScotia #Cannabis #NSPoli
#Halifax #NovaScotia #Cannabis #NSPoli
Try putting #HeatedRivalry on in the background, and you pervs might notice that it actually has a pretty rockin' soundtrack.
#UnsungQualities
#UnsungQualities
January 18, 2026 at 9:40 PM
Try putting #HeatedRivalry on in the background, and you pervs might notice that it actually has a pretty rockin' soundtrack.
#UnsungQualities
#UnsungQualities
January 18, 2026 at 7:05 PM
Looks like Scott Adams finally took his own advice and got "the hell away from Black people".
#RestInWhatever #Dilbert
#RestInWhatever #Dilbert
January 13, 2026 at 7:16 PM
Looks like Scott Adams finally took his own advice and got "the hell away from Black people".
#RestInWhatever #Dilbert
#RestInWhatever #Dilbert
Mina Kimes just walking into some fool's on-cam.
#GetItGirl
#Steelers #Texans #HTownMade
@minakimes.bsky.social
#GetItGirl
#Steelers #Texans #HTownMade
@minakimes.bsky.social
January 13, 2026 at 4:32 PM
Mina Kimes just walking into some fool's on-cam.
#GetItGirl
#Steelers #Texans #HTownMade
@minakimes.bsky.social
#GetItGirl
#Steelers #Texans #HTownMade
@minakimes.bsky.social
Hey now, @timbousquet.bsky.social, if you start doing satire, then we might start having to do your job and, frankly, that seems like a lot of work.
In my morning post today, I wrote an explanation for the satirical piece I wrote Tuesday about the arrest of Mark Carney, and about my fears. Scroll down just a bit to "It could happen here."
X / Twitter creates and spreads deepfake revenge porn and child sexual abuse material. Halifax police, the RCMP, and the Halifax library are cool with that - Halifax Examiner
There is no moral centre at any of these institutions.
www.halifaxexaminer.ca
January 9, 2026 at 6:39 PM
Hey now, @timbousquet.bsky.social, if you start doing satire, then we might start having to do your job and, frankly, that seems like a lot of work.
Motherfuckers spent the last fortnight rubbing their happiness in my lonely-assed face.
@halifaxretales.bsky.social
#Epiphany
@halifaxretales.bsky.social
#Epiphany
For those of you not keeping track
Today is the the 12th day of Christmas
Today is the the 12th day of Christmas
January 5, 2026 at 11:26 PM
Motherfuckers spent the last fortnight rubbing their happiness in my lonely-assed face.
@halifaxretales.bsky.social
#Epiphany
@halifaxretales.bsky.social
#Epiphany
Just a small sampling of countries where the United States has tried "regime change":
Iran
Vietnam
Afghanistan
Iraq
So, uh.. yeah, good luck with that.
#Venezuela #Cuba
Iran
Vietnam
Afghanistan
Iraq
So, uh.. yeah, good luck with that.
#Venezuela #Cuba
January 5, 2026 at 3:03 AM
Just a small sampling of countries where the United States has tried "regime change":
Iran
Vietnam
Afghanistan
Iraq
So, uh.. yeah, good luck with that.
#Venezuela #Cuba
Iran
Vietnam
Afghanistan
Iraq
So, uh.. yeah, good luck with that.
#Venezuela #Cuba
You know that, if they ever met face-to-face, every nerve in Trump's body would be compelling him to give this dweeb a headband-wedgie.
#CDNPoli #IncelMilhouse #Poilievre
#CDNPoli #IncelMilhouse #Poilievre
January 4, 2026 at 1:54 AM
You know that, if they ever met face-to-face, every nerve in Trump's body would be compelling him to give this dweeb a headband-wedgie.
#CDNPoli #IncelMilhouse #Poilievre
#CDNPoli #IncelMilhouse #Poilievre
We're not saying that John Vanbiesbrouck is the Assistant Executive Director of Hockey Operations at USA Hockey, but, John Vanbiesbrouck is the Assistant Executive Director of Hockey Operations at USA Hockey.
#USAHockey #Hockey #MilanoCortina2026 #Olympics #NHL
#USAHockey #Hockey #MilanoCortina2026 #Olympics #NHL
January 2, 2026 at 5:05 PM
We're not saying that John Vanbiesbrouck is the Assistant Executive Director of Hockey Operations at USA Hockey, but, John Vanbiesbrouck is the Assistant Executive Director of Hockey Operations at USA Hockey.
#USAHockey #Hockey #MilanoCortina2026 #Olympics #NHL
#USAHockey #Hockey #MilanoCortina2026 #Olympics #NHL
I can't place that actor but I know they had a bit part on one of the Law & Orders at some point
December 31, 2025 at 9:39 PM