David™💃🌭🍔🌮
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theaporkalypse.bsky.social
David™💃🌭🍔🌮
@theaporkalypse.bsky.social
East Texas native/resident. Old, but not that old.

The Bronzer Age Collapse is upon us.
I’m calling Karoline Leavitt “limp plumper” because her husband is geriatric and needs help plumping his limp. Also, her face is a hot mess.
December 18, 2025 at 8:58 PM
One slight breeze, and Time Magazine’s “Architects of AI” will be blown off.
December 11, 2025 at 9:16 PM
Even the Kirkland butter at Costco has the flavor of paraffin. And so does the Tillamook! The only butter that’s edible is from Ireland or France.
November 26, 2025 at 9:38 PM
McRib is back!
November 26, 2025 at 8:40 PM
Exorcism.
November 22, 2025 at 12:58 AM
Did we ever find out who punched Elon Musk in the eye? I wanna send them a Christmas card.
November 21, 2025 at 12:29 AM
Sweet Mary mother of Frankenstein.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Ja...
November 20, 2025 at 4:39 AM
You would think Cletus is suffering, the way he loses his mind over food. But no. He gained SEVEN pounds. Good god this is my fault. I’ve created a monster. #FatAF
November 14, 2025 at 1:24 PM
November 7, 2025 at 3:29 AM
LOL.
October 29, 2025 at 4:37 PM
Tell me that Lindsey Halligan doesn’t look like a runner up on RuPaul’s Drag Race.
October 21, 2025 at 11:02 PM
Can we talk about how much Jeffrey Epstein looks like Thanos?
September 23, 2025 at 9:39 PM
Benny Johnson crashed Grindr.
September 22, 2025 at 11:15 PM
Condi.
September 13, 2025 at 6:32 PM
Can you imagine? Tranny bullets? I LOVE it. Sign me up at the gun range. (obv it’s not real)
September 12, 2025 at 6:01 PM
Apparently some people practiced at the gun range and some didn’t.
September 12, 2025 at 2:34 PM
OMG they’re gonna blame this on Tig Notaro, aren't they?
September 11, 2025 at 6:10 PM
The only thing that made me happy today is knowing that VP Just Dance Vance will never be elected President.
September 5, 2025 at 6:06 AM
Y'all I finally trapped him. Finally. Little fucker has been eating ALL the cat food. Set him free outside town. #Possum
September 1, 2025 at 6:28 AM
omg that frog is on temu
August 28, 2025 at 4:33 AM
Hello boys and girls. Today’s special vocabulary word is ECCHYMOSIS.
August 27, 2025 at 10:41 PM
lol billy long
August 8, 2025 at 10:28 PM
Dear Chuck Noblet,
Now that you have more free time, perhaps a Strangers with Candy Part 2?
July 19, 2025 at 12:58 PM
From now on, every time you see Pam Bondi, you’ll think of this picture.
July 18, 2025 at 3:13 AM
Christi Craddick needs to take that chihuahua off her head.
July 10, 2025 at 6:50 AM