David™💃🌭🍔🌮
@theaporkalypse.bsky.social
East Texas native/resident. Old, but not that old.
The Bronzer Age Collapse is upon us.
The Bronzer Age Collapse is upon us.
I’m calling Karoline Leavitt “limp plumper” because her husband is geriatric and needs help plumping his limp. Also, her face is a hot mess.
December 18, 2025 at 8:58 PM
I’m calling Karoline Leavitt “limp plumper” because her husband is geriatric and needs help plumping his limp. Also, her face is a hot mess.
One slight breeze, and Time Magazine’s “Architects of AI” will be blown off.
December 11, 2025 at 9:16 PM
One slight breeze, and Time Magazine’s “Architects of AI” will be blown off.
Even the Kirkland butter at Costco has the flavor of paraffin. And so does the Tillamook! The only butter that’s edible is from Ireland or France.
November 26, 2025 at 9:38 PM
Even the Kirkland butter at Costco has the flavor of paraffin. And so does the Tillamook! The only butter that’s edible is from Ireland or France.
Did we ever find out who punched Elon Musk in the eye? I wanna send them a Christmas card.
November 21, 2025 at 12:29 AM
Did we ever find out who punched Elon Musk in the eye? I wanna send them a Christmas card.
Sweet Mary mother of Frankenstein.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Ja...
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Ja...
November 20, 2025 at 4:39 AM
Sweet Mary mother of Frankenstein.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Ja...
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Ja...
You would think Cletus is suffering, the way he loses his mind over food. But no. He gained SEVEN pounds. Good god this is my fault. I’ve created a monster. #FatAF
November 14, 2025 at 1:24 PM
You would think Cletus is suffering, the way he loses his mind over food. But no. He gained SEVEN pounds. Good god this is my fault. I’ve created a monster. #FatAF
I just can’t even..
www.huffpost.com/entry/donald...
www.huffpost.com/entry/donald...
November 7, 2025 at 3:29 AM
I just can’t even..
www.huffpost.com/entry/donald...
www.huffpost.com/entry/donald...
Tell me that Lindsey Halligan doesn’t look like a runner up on RuPaul’s Drag Race.
October 21, 2025 at 11:02 PM
Tell me that Lindsey Halligan doesn’t look like a runner up on RuPaul’s Drag Race.
Can we talk about how much Jeffrey Epstein looks like Thanos?
September 23, 2025 at 9:39 PM
Can we talk about how much Jeffrey Epstein looks like Thanos?
Benny Johnson crashed Grindr.
September 22, 2025 at 11:15 PM
Benny Johnson crashed Grindr.
Can you imagine? Tranny bullets? I LOVE it. Sign me up at the gun range. (obv it’s not real)
September 12, 2025 at 6:01 PM
Can you imagine? Tranny bullets? I LOVE it. Sign me up at the gun range. (obv it’s not real)
Apparently some people practiced at the gun range and some didn’t.
September 12, 2025 at 2:34 PM
Apparently some people practiced at the gun range and some didn’t.
OMG they’re gonna blame this on Tig Notaro, aren't they?
September 11, 2025 at 6:10 PM
OMG they’re gonna blame this on Tig Notaro, aren't they?
The only thing that made me happy today is knowing that VP Just Dance Vance will never be elected President.
September 5, 2025 at 6:06 AM
The only thing that made me happy today is knowing that VP Just Dance Vance will never be elected President.
omg that frog is on temu
August 28, 2025 at 4:33 AM
omg that frog is on temu
Hello boys and girls. Today’s special vocabulary word is ECCHYMOSIS.
August 27, 2025 at 10:41 PM
Hello boys and girls. Today’s special vocabulary word is ECCHYMOSIS.
Dear Chuck Noblet,
Now that you have more free time, perhaps a Strangers with Candy Part 2?
Now that you have more free time, perhaps a Strangers with Candy Part 2?
July 19, 2025 at 12:58 PM
Dear Chuck Noblet,
Now that you have more free time, perhaps a Strangers with Candy Part 2?
Now that you have more free time, perhaps a Strangers with Candy Part 2?
From now on, every time you see Pam Bondi, you’ll think of this picture.
July 18, 2025 at 3:13 AM
From now on, every time you see Pam Bondi, you’ll think of this picture.
Christi Craddick needs to take that chihuahua off her head.
July 10, 2025 at 6:50 AM
Christi Craddick needs to take that chihuahua off her head.