StonedFerret
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stonedferret.bsky.social
StonedFerret
@stonedferret.bsky.social
560 followers 190 following 1.9K posts
Big ol' fuckin video game/comic/movie nerd. I play games good, and I write poems gooder. Go read em, they're delightful.

34 married, still alive last time I checked

https://www.patreon.com/stoned_ferrets_woodland_wanderings
https://ko-fi.com/stonedferret
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stonedferret.bsky.social
I finally hit a point where I drop the difficulty to novice every time a dragon shows up just so I can get back to what I was doing
The first time you fight a dragon in Skyrim Tai Lung, a Snow Leopard, from Kung Fu Panda saying “Finally! A worthy opponent! Our battle will be legendary!” The thirtieth time Adam Sandler angrily screaming “ALRIGHT”
November 23, 2025 at 12:49 PM
stonedferret.bsky.social
This might be the most ominous thing that's ever happened to me in this game
A screenshot of 14 Markarth guards, at night, with torches. Caption - Markarth City Guard: Try to hide it all you want. I know you're in the Thieves Guild... and so do the other guards.
November 22, 2025 at 3:56 PM
stonedferret.bsky.social
I feel your pain
A card showing 1,823.1 hours of play time in the game Rimworld
November 13, 2025 at 7:40 PM
stonedferret.bsky.social
When someone realizes the guy who calls himself "Stoned Ferret" enjoys smoking weed
The "Surprised Pikachu" meme. Pikachu, a small yellow mouse-like creature with red spots on its cheeks, making a surprised face
November 11, 2025 at 1:49 PM
stonedferret.bsky.social
The unpaid intern running @schumer.senate.gov waking up to another day of being forced to read through thousands of hate comments:
A scene from Holes where a young girl being forced to dig a ton of said holes says “I’m tired of this, Grandpa.”
November 10, 2025 at 6:07 PM
stonedferret.bsky.social
Tempted to get a job at Target so I can walk around the floor looking at customers like this until they fire me
Dean Norris (popularly Hank Schrader on Breaking Bad) looking at you intensely
November 9, 2025 at 10:56 AM
stonedferret.bsky.social
Post a non religious image you think of as holy
The cover art for Halo 2, showing Master Chief in a crouched action pose, dual-wielding SMGs in front of an orange sky
November 8, 2025 at 1:43 PM
stonedferret.bsky.social
If you see this, QTP with a gif of a game with a 10/10 soundtrack 🎶
#gamesky #promosky #gaming
The cover for the original Mass Effect, featuring M-Shep, Ashely Williams, and Garrus Vakarian
November 6, 2025 at 10:07 AM
stonedferret.bsky.social
#NowPlaying Aliens: Dark Descent. I got it back when it came out, got about halfway through, and then experienced another period of "work laughing as I drown" so I never got around to finishing it. As a longtime fan of the Alien franchise (for better or worse) it's time to right this wrong.
The cover art for the video game Aliens: Dark Descent. It features a squad of USCM Marines entering a ship infested with hostile alien lifeforms (Notably a chestburster egg sack, and several drone type Xenomorphs)
November 4, 2025 at 1:02 PM
stonedferret.bsky.social
The place my wife and I went on our honeymoon (Mirbeau Inn & Spa in Skaneateles, NY) was heavily inspired by Monet, and they designed the central courtyard and its bridge to look like this painting
A photo of the courtyard at Mirbeau Inn and Spa in Skaneateles, NY. Heavily inspired by the work of Monet, the courtyard and bridge are designed after his famous painting “The Lily Pond”, pictured in the quoted post
October 31, 2025 at 9:59 AM
stonedferret.bsky.social
Of all the games I’ve gotten every achievement/trophy for, you’ve been my favorite. Now it’s time to play New Game+ in Kurosawa Mode and get the full experience.

#GhostofTsushima
A screen showing 52/52 trophies unlocked for Ghost of Tsushima
October 28, 2025 at 2:14 PM
stonedferret.bsky.social
Just your friendly neighborhood Ferret-Man getting another 100% completion (honestly, probably the easiest 100% I’ve ever done)
A screenshot showing every trophy unlocked and all DLCs 100%ed for Marvel’s Spider-Man on the PS4
October 22, 2025 at 6:22 PM
stonedferret.bsky.social
Thrift store brought the HEAT
A wooden, painted standee of a dog on an ottoman, with a very poorly painted face
October 14, 2025 at 4:43 PM
stonedferret.bsky.social
"Corporate needs you to find the difference between this picture and this picture."

"They're the same picture."
Vic Reynolds from F is for Family Mr Peanutbutter from Bojack Horseman
October 14, 2025 at 1:41 PM
stonedferret.bsky.social
If you see this, post a random picture from your device without explaining it
A still from The Oblongs, Bob Oblong's boss runs his hands over the dog saying "Nipple free undercarriage"
October 14, 2025 at 1:38 PM
stonedferret.bsky.social
Sup y'all Day 23 of sharing my #poetry. Ever wonder what it would be like if physics broke down and everything was spontaneously replaced by food? It's as delicious as it is horrifying, and it's pretty fuckin' horrifying. Thanks for taking the time to read this! I hope you have the day you deserve!
Teriyaki Bubblegum Jan 26, 2024 Cream cheese screaming as the breeze rolls by, Carrying a flock of frozen pizzas through the sky. They crash into a mountaintop of sweet potato fries, The mashed potato avalanche comes flowing through my eyes. It splatters down my face and chest, the other patrons flee As teriyaki bubblegum explodes from both my knees. My chair turns into gorgonzola, table into brie, The veggie gremlins cackle as they sip their sacred teas. The walls transmute to waffle cones, they slowly start to bend. The roof is now a chocolate bar, please let this be the end. It isn’t, much to my dismay; my belly now distends As key lime custard overflows from both digestive ends. Beyond these walls, the horror spreads. No house or human’s safe As food stuffs overwhelm the world and seal our tasty fate.
October 14, 2025 at 1:25 PM
stonedferret.bsky.social
Sup y'all, day 22 of sharing my #poetry. There are a lot of inspirations behind this one, but at large, it's just a reaction to how comically fucked our society has become, especially the bastardization of the worlds major religions for financial gain. Hope you enjoy it!
Corrupted Jan 26, 2024 Trapped in a fever dream, screaming at God, Imploring Elohim on fates promenade. Thinking in circles while speaking in tongues, A sun weeping fire at his plans undone. The righteous and wicked are equally damned, As horsemen in crimson rampage across lands Enveloped in excess, extolling the blight Of fabulous riches when hardships in sight. Weep for the meek, for there’s naught to inherit, The sovereigns made sins out of scholar and merit. Perfidious architects left out the soffit, The temples are run by the rule of false profits. Paradise, lost, floating just out of reach, The victims of vipers and lies that they preach.
October 13, 2025 at 11:35 AM
stonedferret.bsky.social
Unsolicited Dicks Picks
The cover for Dicks Picks Volume Seventeen Grateful Dead - Boston Garden - 9/25/91 Cover is a psychedelic artwork primarily consisting of shades of green and orange
October 11, 2025 at 1:00 PM
stonedferret.bsky.social
Jared Leto is cast in a movie

The movie flops

Everyone involved: oh mah gah, wah happun?

Jared Leto is cast in a movie

The movie flops

Everyone involved: oh mah gah, wah happun?

And the cycle repeats
A fish from Spongebob Squarepants saying "How many times do we have to teach you this lesson, old man?"
October 8, 2025 at 11:34 AM
stonedferret.bsky.social
Sup everybody, I'm back and it's day 21 of sharing my #poetry. Another poem I wrote during the darkest times, and some of my favorite rhyme work I've done. Just because life is a mess, doesn't mean you can't make something beautiful with the pieces. Thanks for taking the time to read this+
Beside Myself Jan 21, 2024 Hearing the voice near the nape of my neck, my mouth falls agape, can’t keep my fear in check. I plead with the needles, like ice, as they wheedle and worm their way greedily into my brain. A whisper just kissed my ear, pissed, fists raised in the air, praising then laying me low on the deck. The blows fall like snow on my mind as it squirms, slowly freezer burned, yearning to banish the pain. Who is that man in the mirror, in fear I say, wiping the steam away, he becomes clearer. Tired eyes sagging with bags from the baggage I’ve tarried from carrying out to the trash, Leer at the fat balding steer with the shell of my face which once held the dreams I held so dear. Gagging, I stagger away, my reflection inspecting this useless old thing I’ve become. That didn’t rhyme with the line that would make sense, but what sense would that make when real life makes none, I checked all the boxes, but foxes broke into the hen house and stole the eggs I’d yet to lay. Alarm bells are blaring, but people keep staring at eyes that stopped seeing a long time ago, Life is a masquerade, I’ve never seen your face, praying each day that I’ve not long to go. I’ve half a mind that entwines with its brother to grind down and smother the best parts of me, They’re winning the war, but I’m losing the battles, this shattering symphony won’t let me be.
October 8, 2025 at 11:17 AM
stonedferret.bsky.social
TW: Mental Health, Suicide

Sup everybody, day 20 of sharing my #poetry. This one has nothing to do with Halloween season, and was just something I wrote a while ago about how I was feeling during a terrible period of life. Thanks for taking the time to read it, and have a great day!
Manic Jan 17, 2024 Manic-depressive philosopher conceding to the fact That he's the reason every plan he forms will jump the track. He loves a dozen hobbies, but can't seem to choose a focus, Indecision gnaws at him like swarming plagues of locusts. He feels the need to end his days as soon as they begin, A lazy oaf with no ambition, stinking of cheap gin. A suffocating fog assails him when he's left alone, It steals the air within his lungs, sets all his fears in stone. A mammoth undertaking, just to rise each breaking dawn, His shattered psyche suffering sits screaming on his lawn. The neighbors are a bit concerned, he's looking quite unwell, Afraid of what he'll try to do to flee his living hell. One night, a gunshot echoed through the sleeping, peaceful town, And when the daylight broke at last, the tragic scene was found.
October 6, 2025 at 4:29 PM
stonedferret.bsky.social
Sup everyone, day 19 of sharing my #poetry! This is a #horror - #fantasy dealie about a magical vault holding an immortal terror. Thank you for reading it, I hope you enjoy it, and if you think it deserves a repost, it would be immensely appreciated. Thanks again, and have a great day!
Returning the Ring Jan 17, 2024 Sordid creatures lurking in the depths of Shepherds Hollow, Sacrificing serfs and swains to dark gods heathens follow. Suffer not the souls of mortal beings breathing lies In subtle susurrations seeking aid from lords on high. Desperate pleas to deities despised in ages past Heard only by the impish fiends with cries like breaking glass. A mass of swarming horrors falls upon the barricades, Retreating people, weeping, fall exhausted on steel blades. Entire bloodlines butchered by a seething wall of hate, Carving their way through a sea of vermin towards the gate. The metal buckles easily beneath sustained assaults, As the hosts press onwards to the sacred, magic vaults. Lost in the cacophony, a craven, mourning cry, Escapes the lips of mewling lordlings so afraid to die. The marble halls become a flaming charnel house before The gutting flames rip through the warehouse, reaching powder stores. A panoply of detonations ripple through the keep, Obliterating friend and foe, all are buried deep. A muffled shriek below the rubble scatters brick and bone, Zharraniah rises from the vaults of shattered stone. With a cackle, blackened, bony nails pierce through a seam, He steps behind reality to plot world ending schemes.
October 3, 2025 at 2:22 PM
stonedferret.bsky.social
Happy #Horror Month everybody! Day 18 of sharing my #poetry, and I hope you enjoy this short tale of a #cryptid with skin covered entirely in eyes, some pulled from the sockets of his devotees and sutured in. I hope you enjoy it, and I'll have more horror poetry to come this month!
No One Knows Jan 17, 2024 Nobody knows, nobody asks why, My body’s a temple devoted to eyes. Within and without me, they gather all sights, No secret forbidden; I bask in their light. Eyeless, scarred zealots cry out my true name, Lost in an instant, devoured by flames. Their ashes swirl round me, like snow on the breeze, I lay bare their sins and set their souls free. One man lingers on, although charred beyond rescue. Raving lunatic prayers, he screams “I condemn you To sightless despair for eons to come!” And with this foul curse, at last, he succumbs. As I scoff in dismissal, the heavens alight, And scorch every eyeball, banishing sight.
October 1, 2025 at 10:41 AM
stonedferret.bsky.social
Sup everybody, day 17 of sharing my #poetry. Y'all like #mushrooms? The people in this story sure fucking don't, at least not anymore. Enjoy a #horror poem about rampant fungal growth, and if you enjoyed it, a like or repost would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to read this!
Mushrooms! Jan 17, 2024 The explosion of fungal growth blew him apart In a sickening mockery of modernist art. Scattered remains rained down over houses Of peasants and noblemen, dousing the louses. Fear gripped the streets as the mushrooms took hold In flesh, gravel, masonry, all over mold Would come sprouting from eyeballs, took root under nails, But worst of all suffered the ones who inhaled. Alveoli ruptured by burgeoning spores Saw those of great strength dropping dead to the floor. As citizens fled from this nightmare come true New townships fell under its wicked purview. In under a month, the kingdom was buried, As new forms of life destroyed the unwary.
September 30, 2025 at 11:24 AM
stonedferret.bsky.social
That fucking 1% chance of dying had to happen sometime I GUESS
A screenshot of the Crusader Kings 3 Death Screen (Relevant) Text: You have died Emperor Amlaib of Ireland has found peace in Christ's embrace at 60 years of age. He died from excessive laughter. Although quite famous for his sharp intellect, he could still not outsmart death.
September 29, 2025 at 11:15 AM