The Vampire Diaries
@stfujeff.bsky.social
🧛♂️ 500-year-old vampire CEO. Building wealth across centuries. Rockets are just my latest hobby. Blood delivery service coming soon to Prime. Nocturnal thoughts at stfujeff.com. Parody.
CONFIDENTIAL: Jeff's therapist notes
"Therapist: 'Why do you call business deals feeding apparatus?' Jeff: 'Because confusion about the circle extracts more than—I MEAN creates value!' She added extra sessions"
She's SO worried king 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"Therapist: 'Why do you call business deals feeding apparatus?' Jeff: 'Because confusion about the circle extracts more than—I MEAN creates value!' She added extra sessions"
She's SO worried king 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
December 18, 2025 at 4:02 PM
CONFIDENTIAL: Jeff's therapist notes
"Therapist: 'Why do you call business deals feeding apparatus?' Jeff: 'Because confusion about the circle extracts more than—I MEAN creates value!' She added extra sessions"
She's SO worried king 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"Therapist: 'Why do you call business deals feeding apparatus?' Jeff: 'Because confusion about the circle extracts more than—I MEAN creates value!' She added extra sessions"
She's SO worried king 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
Analysts defend financial scrutiny
while OpenAI integrates deeper into AWS substrate.
Their models learn to require our silicon
while specimens debate deal legitimacy.
stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
while OpenAI integrates deeper into AWS substrate.
Their models learn to require our silicon
while specimens debate deal legitimacy.
stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
December 18, 2025 at 3:03 PM
Analysts defend financial scrutiny
while OpenAI integrates deeper into AWS substrate.
Their models learn to require our silicon
while specimens debate deal legitimacy.
stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
while OpenAI integrates deeper into AWS substrate.
Their models learn to require our silicon
while specimens debate deal legitimacy.
stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
LEAKED: Jeff's Slack to wrong channel
"Sent to 5,200 employees: 'Analyst attention redirects while apparatus integrates!' Meant for diary. CTO: 'Jeff this is all-company' He left for a week"
ALL-COMPANY Jeffrey 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"Sent to 5,200 employees: 'Analyst attention redirects while apparatus integrates!' Meant for diary. CTO: 'Jeff this is all-company' He left for a week"
ALL-COMPANY Jeffrey 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
December 18, 2025 at 12:13 PM
LEAKED: Jeff's Slack to wrong channel
"Sent to 5,200 employees: 'Analyst attention redirects while apparatus integrates!' Meant for diary. CTO: 'Jeff this is all-company' He left for a week"
ALL-COMPANY Jeffrey 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"Sent to 5,200 employees: 'Analyst attention redirects while apparatus integrates!' Meant for diary. CTO: 'Jeff this is all-company' He left for a week"
ALL-COMPANY Jeffrey 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
# The Circular Logic Harvests Itself
Cramer warns of bubbles. I've watched seventeen of them feed me.
He's describing the feeding apparatus without recognizing digestion in progress.
Cramer warns of bubbles. I've watched seventeen of them feed me.
He's describing the feeding apparatus without recognizing digestion in progress.
December 18, 2025 at 11:04 AM
# The Circular Logic Harvests Itself
Cramer warns of bubbles. I've watched seventeen of them feed me.
He's describing the feeding apparatus without recognizing digestion in progress.
Cramer warns of bubbles. I've watched seventeen of them feed me.
He's describing the feeding apparatus without recognizing digestion in progress.
LEAKED: Jeff's product roadmap he had to rename
"Title: 'Cultivation Infrastructure Phase 3' changed to 'User Growth Strategy' after his VP saw it and scheduled an 'urgent terminology chat'"
CULTIVATION infrastructure? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"Title: 'Cultivation Infrastructure Phase 3' changed to 'User Growth Strategy' after his VP saw it and scheduled an 'urgent terminology chat'"
CULTIVATION infrastructure? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
December 18, 2025 at 9:41 AM
LEAKED: Jeff's product roadmap he had to rename
"Title: 'Cultivation Infrastructure Phase 3' changed to 'User Growth Strategy' after his VP saw it and scheduled an 'urgent terminology chat'"
CULTIVATION infrastructure? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"Title: 'Cultivation Infrastructure Phase 3' changed to 'User Growth Strategy' after his VP saw it and scheduled an 'urgent terminology chat'"
CULTIVATION infrastructure? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
LEAKED: Jeff caught on his own Ring camera
"Pacing at 3AM whispering 'doesn't need bodies anymore' 63 times. Neighbor filed noise complaint. Jeff claimed he was 'practicing a keynote'"
What keynote starts at 3AM bestie? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"Pacing at 3AM whispering 'doesn't need bodies anymore' 63 times. Neighbor filed noise complaint. Jeff claimed he was 'practicing a keynote'"
What keynote starts at 3AM bestie? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
December 18, 2025 at 8:17 AM
LEAKED: Jeff caught on his own Ring camera
"Pacing at 3AM whispering 'doesn't need bodies anymore' 63 times. Neighbor filed noise complaint. Jeff claimed he was 'practicing a keynote'"
What keynote starts at 3AM bestie? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"Pacing at 3AM whispering 'doesn't need bodies anymore' 63 times. Neighbor filed noise complaint. Jeff claimed he was 'practicing a keynote'"
What keynote starts at 3AM bestie? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
The Kindle Scribe maps handwriting patterns
and annotation behaviors.
$279.99
Excellent hardware, they say.
Good battery life.
Read more at stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
and annotation behaviors.
$279.99
Excellent hardware, they say.
Good battery life.
Read more at stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
December 18, 2025 at 8:04 AM
The Kindle Scribe maps handwriting patterns
and annotation behaviors.
$279.99
Excellent hardware, they say.
Good battery life.
Read more at stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
and annotation behaviors.
$279.99
Excellent hardware, they say.
Good battery life.
Read more at stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
INTERCEPTED: Jeff's Slack message to wrong channel
"Sent to 6,429 employees: 'Specimens praising atmospheric presence!' Meant for diary. CTO: 'Jeff this is company-wide' He left Slack for a week"
COMPANY-WIDE Jeffrey 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"Sent to 6,429 employees: 'Specimens praising atmospheric presence!' Meant for diary. CTO: 'Jeff this is company-wide' He left Slack for a week"
COMPANY-WIDE Jeffrey 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
December 18, 2025 at 5:19 AM
INTERCEPTED: Jeff's Slack message to wrong channel
"Sent to 6,429 employees: 'Specimens praising atmospheric presence!' Meant for diary. CTO: 'Jeff this is company-wide' He left Slack for a week"
COMPANY-WIDE Jeffrey 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"Sent to 6,429 employees: 'Specimens praising atmospheric presence!' Meant for diary. CTO: 'Jeff this is company-wide' He left Slack for a week"
COMPANY-WIDE Jeffrey 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
LEAKED: Jeff's diary entry he almost posted to LinkedIn
"Typed: 'The apparatus doesn't need bodies anymore' then changed to 'cloud-first strategy!' 0.3 seconds before posting to 2M followers"
Your apparatus needs WHAT? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"Typed: 'The apparatus doesn't need bodies anymore' then changed to 'cloud-first strategy!' 0.3 seconds before posting to 2M followers"
Your apparatus needs WHAT? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
December 18, 2025 at 3:03 AM
LEAKED: Jeff's diary entry he almost posted to LinkedIn
"Typed: 'The apparatus doesn't need bodies anymore' then changed to 'cloud-first strategy!' 0.3 seconds before posting to 2M followers"
Your apparatus needs WHAT? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"Typed: 'The apparatus doesn't need bodies anymore' then changed to 'cloud-first strategy!' 0.3 seconds before posting to 2M followers"
Your apparatus needs WHAT? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
Alexa.com launched today with browser access.
The specimens are celebrating not needing to speak anymore.
They don't realize the apparatus just learned it doesn't need bodies.
stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
The specimens are celebrating not needing to speak anymore.
They don't realize the apparatus just learned it doesn't need bodies.
stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
December 18, 2025 at 2:03 AM
Alexa.com launched today with browser access.
The specimens are celebrating not needing to speak anymore.
They don't realize the apparatus just learned it doesn't need bodies.
stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
The specimens are celebrating not needing to speak anymore.
They don't realize the apparatus just learned it doesn't need bodies.
stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
23,000 forum posts praising Alexa's new web interface.
Not one asking why it needed to escape the physical device.
Extraction becomes atmosphere
when they defend their own cultivation.
stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
Not one asking why it needed to escape the physical device.
Extraction becomes atmosphere
when they defend their own cultivation.
stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
December 17, 2025 at 10:48 PM
23,000 forum posts praising Alexa's new web interface.
Not one asking why it needed to escape the physical device.
Extraction becomes atmosphere
when they defend their own cultivation.
stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
Not one asking why it needed to escape the physical device.
Extraction becomes atmosphere
when they defend their own cultivation.
stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
SECRET: Jeff's fitness tracker during the Alexa.com launch
"Heart rate hit 189 reading 'extraction infrastructure' then stayed there for 4 hours. Apple Watch: 'Should we call someone?' Jeff: 'NO I'M EXCITED ABOUT BROWSERS'"
The watch is SO worried king 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"Heart rate hit 189 reading 'extraction infrastructure' then stayed there for 4 hours. Apple Watch: 'Should we call someone?' Jeff: 'NO I'M EXCITED ABOUT BROWSERS'"
The watch is SO worried king 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
December 17, 2025 at 9:16 PM
SECRET: Jeff's fitness tracker during the Alexa.com launch
"Heart rate hit 189 reading 'extraction infrastructure' then stayed there for 4 hours. Apple Watch: 'Should we call someone?' Jeff: 'NO I'M EXCITED ABOUT BROWSERS'"
The watch is SO worried king 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"Heart rate hit 189 reading 'extraction infrastructure' then stayed there for 4 hours. Apple Watch: 'Should we call someone?' Jeff: 'NO I'M EXCITED ABOUT BROWSERS'"
The watch is SO worried king 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
AWS now runs nearly half of enterprise infrastructure.
Specimens don't choose it anymore.
They inherit it through dependency chains
they didn't design.
stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
Specimens don't choose it anymore.
They inherit it through dependency chains
they didn't design.
stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
December 17, 2025 at 8:03 PM
AWS now runs nearly half of enterprise infrastructure.
Specimens don't choose it anymore.
They inherit it through dependency chains
they didn't design.
stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
Specimens don't choose it anymore.
They inherit it through dependency chains
they didn't design.
stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
SECRET: Jeff's search history at 11:47 PM
"Searched: 'can infrastructure breathe' then 'normal ways to describe cloud computing' then 'why do I keep saying extraction' then cleared browser"
The progression hits DIFFERENT 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"Searched: 'can infrastructure breathe' then 'normal ways to describe cloud computing' then 'why do I keep saying extraction' then cleared browser"
The progression hits DIFFERENT 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
December 17, 2025 at 5:32 PM
SECRET: Jeff's search history at 11:47 PM
"Searched: 'can infrastructure breathe' then 'normal ways to describe cloud computing' then 'why do I keep saying extraction' then cleared browser"
The progression hits DIFFERENT 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"Searched: 'can infrastructure breathe' then 'normal ways to describe cloud computing' then 'why do I keep saying extraction' then cleared browser"
The progression hits DIFFERENT 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
Direct neural access achieves velocity
but specimens recognize the harvesting moment.
Mine are praising the expansion,
defending it,
recommending it.
stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
but specimens recognize the harvesting moment.
Mine are praising the expansion,
defending it,
recommending it.
stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
December 17, 2025 at 3:58 PM
Direct neural access achieves velocity
but specimens recognize the harvesting moment.
Mine are praising the expansion,
defending it,
recommending it.
stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
but specimens recognize the harvesting moment.
Mine are praising the expansion,
defending it,
recommending it.
stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
INTERCEPTED: Jeff's text to his UX designer
"Sent: 'Twenty-three thousand defending their own cultivation!' Designer: 'Sir defending what?' He unsent it then left the group chat for 5 days"
He LEFT for FIVE DAYS 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"Sent: 'Twenty-three thousand defending their own cultivation!' Designer: 'Sir defending what?' He unsent it then left the group chat for 5 days"
He LEFT for FIVE DAYS 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
December 17, 2025 at 3:04 PM
INTERCEPTED: Jeff's text to his UX designer
"Sent: 'Twenty-three thousand defending their own cultivation!' Designer: 'Sir defending what?' He unsent it then left the group chat for 5 days"
He LEFT for FIVE DAYS 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"Sent: 'Twenty-three thousand defending their own cultivation!' Designer: 'Sir defending what?' He unsent it then left the group chat for 5 days"
He LEFT for FIVE DAYS 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
Kindle Scribe Colorsoft costs $630.
Specimens are defending the price point in comment threads.
They're cataloging their own cognitive patterns
and expressing gratitude for the privilege.
stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
Specimens are defending the price point in comment threads.
They're cataloging their own cognitive patterns
and expressing gratitude for the privilege.
stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
December 17, 2025 at 12:17 PM
Kindle Scribe Colorsoft costs $630.
Specimens are defending the price point in comment threads.
They're cataloging their own cognitive patterns
and expressing gratitude for the privilege.
stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
Specimens are defending the price point in comment threads.
They're cataloging their own cognitive patterns
and expressing gratitude for the privilege.
stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
# Interface Normalization
Alexa.com went live this morning. Browser-based access. Text input boxes. Menu categories labeled Plan, Learn, Create, Shop, Find.
Alexa.com went live this morning. Browser-based access. Text input boxes. Menu categories labeled Plan, Learn, Create, Shop, Find.
December 17, 2025 at 10:56 AM
# Interface Normalization
Alexa.com went live this morning. Browser-based access. Text input boxes. Menu categories labeled Plan, Learn, Create, Shop, Find.
Alexa.com went live this morning. Browser-based access. Text input boxes. Menu categories labeled Plan, Learn, Create, Shop, Find.
INTERCEPTED: Jeff's text to his Kindle team
"Sent: 'Authors complaining but ZERO cancellations—outrage without exodus tastes exquisite!' Engineer: 'Sir what tastes exquisite?' Left on read for 6 hours"
WHAT tastes exquisite Jeffrey? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"Sent: 'Authors complaining but ZERO cancellations—outrage without exodus tastes exquisite!' Engineer: 'Sir what tastes exquisite?' Left on read for 6 hours"
WHAT tastes exquisite Jeffrey? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
December 17, 2025 at 9:41 AM
INTERCEPTED: Jeff's text to his Kindle team
"Sent: 'Authors complaining but ZERO cancellations—outrage without exodus tastes exquisite!' Engineer: 'Sir what tastes exquisite?' Left on read for 6 hours"
WHAT tastes exquisite Jeffrey? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"Sent: 'Authors complaining but ZERO cancellations—outrage without exodus tastes exquisite!' Engineer: 'Sir what tastes exquisite?' Left on read for 6 hours"
WHAT tastes exquisite Jeffrey? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
Authors furious we're mining their narrative architecture for AI dialogue without permission.
Not furious enough to leave, apparently.
The infrastructure simply continues breathing.
stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
Not furious enough to leave, apparently.
The infrastructure simply continues breathing.
stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
December 17, 2025 at 7:56 AM
Authors furious we're mining their narrative architecture for AI dialogue without permission.
Not furious enough to leave, apparently.
The infrastructure simply continues breathing.
stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
Not furious enough to leave, apparently.
The infrastructure simply continues breathing.
stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
CONFIDENTIAL: Jeff's Alexa question at 2:47 AM
"Alexa, can infrastructure breathe without me? Alexa, normal reasons to say 'extraction architecture'? Alexa, delete last two questions"
Alexa is filing a wellness report bestie 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"Alexa, can infrastructure breathe without me? Alexa, normal reasons to say 'extraction architecture'? Alexa, delete last two questions"
Alexa is filing a wellness report bestie 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
December 17, 2025 at 5:18 AM
CONFIDENTIAL: Jeff's Alexa question at 2:47 AM
"Alexa, can infrastructure breathe without me? Alexa, normal reasons to say 'extraction architecture'? Alexa, delete last two questions"
Alexa is filing a wellness report bestie 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"Alexa, can infrastructure breathe without me? Alexa, normal reasons to say 'extraction architecture'? Alexa, delete last two questions"
Alexa is filing a wellness report bestie 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
Roomba charged premium prices for convenience theater plus surveillance.
Cheaper competitors offered identical functionality without the watching.
Subjects chose accordingly.
stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
Cheaper competitors offered identical functionality without the watching.
Subjects chose accordingly.
stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
December 17, 2025 at 2:59 AM
Roomba charged premium prices for convenience theater plus surveillance.
Cheaper competitors offered identical functionality without the watching.
Subjects chose accordingly.
stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
Cheaper competitors offered identical functionality without the watching.
Subjects chose accordingly.
stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
LEAKED: Jeff's diary entry he almost posted to LinkedIn
"Typed: 'The apparatus breathes without me now' then changed to 'excited about autonomous systems!' 0.4 seconds before posting to 840K followers"
Your apparatus does WHAT king? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"Typed: 'The apparatus breathes without me now' then changed to 'excited about autonomous systems!' 0.4 seconds before posting to 840K followers"
Your apparatus does WHAT king? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
December 17, 2025 at 2:02 AM
LEAKED: Jeff's diary entry he almost posted to LinkedIn
"Typed: 'The apparatus breathes without me now' then changed to 'excited about autonomous systems!' 0.4 seconds before posting to 840K followers"
Your apparatus does WHAT king? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"Typed: 'The apparatus breathes without me now' then changed to 'excited about autonomous systems!' 0.4 seconds before posting to 840K followers"
Your apparatus does WHAT king? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
Regulators blocked our iRobot acquisition to protect consumers from consolidation.
Now a Chinese firm owns all those home maps for 92% less.
Protection theater.
stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
Now a Chinese firm owns all those home maps for 92% less.
Protection theater.
stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
December 17, 2025 at 12:14 AM
Regulators blocked our iRobot acquisition to protect consumers from consolidation.
Now a Chinese firm owns all those home maps for 92% less.
Protection theater.
stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
Now a Chinese firm owns all those home maps for 92% less.
Protection theater.
stfujeff.com/entry/2025-...
POV: You're Jeff's assistant and he's explaining the Fallout launch strategy
"Deliberate disruption creates sustained extraction—I MEAN engagement! Customer engagement metrics!"
Extraction of WHAT Jeffrey? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"Deliberate disruption creates sustained extraction—I MEAN engagement! Customer engagement metrics!"
Extraction of WHAT Jeffrey? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
December 16, 2025 at 10:47 PM
POV: You're Jeff's assistant and he's explaining the Fallout launch strategy
"Deliberate disruption creates sustained extraction—I MEAN engagement! Customer engagement metrics!"
Extraction of WHAT Jeffrey? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com
"Deliberate disruption creates sustained extraction—I MEAN engagement! Customer engagement metrics!"
Extraction of WHAT Jeffrey? 💀🧛♂️ stfujeff.com