Zohran! 🎉

This is both my fighting and interpretive dance style

Sorrynotsorry: local union buster/"chef" Ann Kim's continual (deserved) misfortune makes me feel better. Good riddance, Young Joni! My only wish is that her long suffering staff find better employment. #stillthenastiesthater Here is your sign to be a good human today at your job

All he wants is for someone - literally anyone - to genuinely love or even like him. It will never, ever happen

Is an upside down toilet on the side of the highway on the way to your IUD removal behind a Hardee's a good omen? Don't worry, I'm sure there's lots of paper towels.

This trump speech is legitimately as upsetting, if not more, than watching 9/11 happen as a teen. When Rep. Green (D-TX) was removed, my heart rate jumped 20 more pts and it's probably never going down.

I want to human-centipede chain the entire DJT administration together & well, I better not say

I am pleased to announce that after doing my taxes yesterday, I owe the U.S. government...one dollar.

Are you bored tonight? Send your five accomplishments, maybe your shopping list, or your five thoughts on Elon from the past week to OPM at [email protected].

This checks out

I generally sleep much better when stolen vehicles aren't nearly crashing through our house at 2am. That poor boulevard tree is going to be so sore tomorrow. (Thanks for saving us, tree.)

I have kept this image in my phone for six years because, well -

Generational talent

Neil Hamburger never fails to heal my soul. I needed that. We took an uber that ended up being a Tesla and lived to tell you about it. (I'm a huge fan of not being on fire.) On to February.

It is important to me that I have a variety of writing instruments surrounding me, always. Standard pencils included for this very reason

*banana horse