Sean Patrick
@seanptellsjokes.bsky.social
I don’t know what your opinion is of European newspapers like Le Monde and Die Welt, but they mean the world to me.
https://youtu.be/a7TrgcHupo0?si=x84By3r1pec4o-KT
https://youtu.be/a7TrgcHupo0?si=x84By3r1pec4o-KT
Christians refer to the story of Jesus as "the greatest story ever told."
They've obviously never heard what my mate Tony got up to in Amsterdam.
They've obviously never heard what my mate Tony got up to in Amsterdam.
December 10, 2025 at 2:30 PM
Christians refer to the story of Jesus as "the greatest story ever told."
They've obviously never heard what my mate Tony got up to in Amsterdam.
They've obviously never heard what my mate Tony got up to in Amsterdam.
Nothing says "it's Christmas!" like Noddy Holder's parrot.
December 10, 2025 at 2:15 PM
Nothing says "it's Christmas!" like Noddy Holder's parrot.
I was watching a German gay porn film set on board the Titanic. By the end it was all dicks on Hans.
December 9, 2025 at 12:49 AM
I was watching a German gay porn film set on board the Titanic. By the end it was all dicks on Hans.
"The choir of children sing their song/They've practised all year long" - why have they practised all year long? What madman starts training the junior Christmas choir in January? What sort of Jesus-fuelled Soviet dystopia are these people living in?
December 9, 2025 at 12:48 AM
"The choir of children sing their song/They've practised all year long" - why have they practised all year long? What madman starts training the junior Christmas choir in January? What sort of Jesus-fuelled Soviet dystopia are these people living in?
If John Lennon was alive today, I like to think he'd still be writing world-changing songs. And also that he'd had a haircut and stopped wearing flares because it's not the seventies anymore, the scruffy layabout cunt.
December 8, 2025 at 12:56 AM
If John Lennon was alive today, I like to think he'd still be writing world-changing songs. And also that he'd had a haircut and stopped wearing flares because it's not the seventies anymore, the scruffy layabout cunt.
All I want for Christmas is an overdraft.
I've already written my letter to Santander.
I've already written my letter to Santander.
December 8, 2025 at 12:55 AM
All I want for Christmas is an overdraft.
I've already written my letter to Santander.
I've already written my letter to Santander.
Do you pronounce Buenos Aires “Buenos Aires” or “Buenos Aires”? I’ve always said “Buenos Aires” but my ex swears blind it’s “Buenos Aires”. Who is right?
December 8, 2025 at 12:52 AM
Do you pronounce Buenos Aires “Buenos Aires” or “Buenos Aires”? I’ve always said “Buenos Aires” but my ex swears blind it’s “Buenos Aires”. Who is right?
When you’re reading a Victorian novel and it says someone arrived in a horse-drawn carriage, think how cold and uncomfortable that must have been!
Because horses are rubbish at drawing.
Because horses are rubbish at drawing.
December 8, 2025 at 12:48 AM
When you’re reading a Victorian novel and it says someone arrived in a horse-drawn carriage, think how cold and uncomfortable that must have been!
Because horses are rubbish at drawing.
Because horses are rubbish at drawing.
A lot of people think small charities providing ocular prosthetics to Spanish orphans just aren’t viable in a modern world.
Well, “Eye For Juan” disagree.
Well, “Eye For Juan” disagree.
December 8, 2025 at 12:42 AM
A lot of people think small charities providing ocular prosthetics to Spanish orphans just aren’t viable in a modern world.
Well, “Eye For Juan” disagree.
Well, “Eye For Juan” disagree.
Imagine how shit a comic you’d have to be for Michael Macintyre not to think you were an absolute treat.
December 7, 2025 at 12:53 PM
Imagine how shit a comic you’d have to be for Michael Macintyre not to think you were an absolute treat.
Before anyone dares say anything to the contrary, YES, Das Boot is a Christmas movie.
December 7, 2025 at 1:33 AM
Before anyone dares say anything to the contrary, YES, Das Boot is a Christmas movie.
Just got my grades back for my Media Studies essay on Fonz out of Happy Days.
Pleased to say I got an Aaaaaaaaay.
Pleased to say I got an Aaaaaaaaay.
December 7, 2025 at 1:31 AM
Just got my grades back for my Media Studies essay on Fonz out of Happy Days.
Pleased to say I got an Aaaaaaaaay.
Pleased to say I got an Aaaaaaaaay.
Maybe you think I should just get over my obsession with the Chattanooga choo-choo, but it’s part of me, boy.
December 6, 2025 at 10:34 AM
Maybe you think I should just get over my obsession with the Chattanooga choo-choo, but it’s part of me, boy.
How hard do you think the Copacabana really was? Given that Barry Manilow frequented the Copacabana?
December 5, 2025 at 12:09 AM
How hard do you think the Copacabana really was? Given that Barry Manilow frequented the Copacabana?
Dai Hard is DEFINITELY a Christmas Welsh gay porn film.
December 5, 2025 at 12:03 AM
Dai Hard is DEFINITELY a Christmas Welsh gay porn film.
Watching Walkabout, the classic film about an Aboriginal boy who helps two white schoolchildren when they get lost in an ex-pat pub in Covent Garden.
December 4, 2025 at 12:26 AM
Watching Walkabout, the classic film about an Aboriginal boy who helps two white schoolchildren when they get lost in an ex-pat pub in Covent Garden.
Say what you like about Crazy Legs, at least they made the cranes run on time.
December 4, 2025 at 12:25 AM
Say what you like about Crazy Legs, at least they made the cranes run on time.
Sean Connery - if your books keep falling on the floor you only have your shelf to blame.
December 4, 2025 at 12:22 AM
Sean Connery - if your books keep falling on the floor you only have your shelf to blame.
I’ve got three brothers - Mike, Steve, and Dunf-Dunf-Dunf-Dunf.
I mean, Dunf-Dunf-Dunf-Dunf isn’t my real brother. He’s my dub-step-brother.
I mean, Dunf-Dunf-Dunf-Dunf isn’t my real brother. He’s my dub-step-brother.
December 4, 2025 at 12:08 AM
I’ve got three brothers - Mike, Steve, and Dunf-Dunf-Dunf-Dunf.
I mean, Dunf-Dunf-Dunf-Dunf isn’t my real brother. He’s my dub-step-brother.
I mean, Dunf-Dunf-Dunf-Dunf isn’t my real brother. He’s my dub-step-brother.
I’m in a lot of trouble at work. I threw a snowball at my boss and now he says his suit smells of Advocaat.
December 2, 2025 at 1:09 AM
I’m in a lot of trouble at work. I threw a snowball at my boss and now he says his suit smells of Advocaat.
Cultural question - in your family, do you leave any windows closed on your Ronnie Barker advent calendar?
We open all ours.
We open all ours.
December 1, 2025 at 12:55 AM
Cultural question - in your family, do you leave any windows closed on your Ronnie Barker advent calendar?
We open all ours.
We open all ours.
When I was born my parents chose my first name because they liked it, but picked my middle name in honour of my grandad. And that’s why my full name is Sean Grandad Patrick.
November 30, 2025 at 4:05 PM
When I was born my parents chose my first name because they liked it, but picked my middle name in honour of my grandad. And that’s why my full name is Sean Grandad Patrick.
I’m fed up of toxic masculinity and gender stereotypes ruining everything.
It’s not gay for a man to hold hands with another man.
Unless it’s to maintain your balance while you suck his cock in a field at night.
That IS a bit gay TBF.
It’s not gay for a man to hold hands with another man.
Unless it’s to maintain your balance while you suck his cock in a field at night.
That IS a bit gay TBF.
November 29, 2025 at 12:38 AM
I’m fed up of toxic masculinity and gender stereotypes ruining everything.
It’s not gay for a man to hold hands with another man.
Unless it’s to maintain your balance while you suck his cock in a field at night.
That IS a bit gay TBF.
It’s not gay for a man to hold hands with another man.
Unless it’s to maintain your balance while you suck his cock in a field at night.
That IS a bit gay TBF.
“If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me? If I said you were an angel would you treat me like the devil tonight?”
“Sean. SEAN. He doesn’t understand. He’s a dog.”
“Sean. SEAN. He doesn’t understand. He’s a dog.”
November 28, 2025 at 12:36 AM
“If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me? If I said you were an angel would you treat me like the devil tonight?”
“Sean. SEAN. He doesn’t understand. He’s a dog.”
“Sean. SEAN. He doesn’t understand. He’s a dog.”
Frankincense is actually the name of the king, not the perfume.
November 26, 2025 at 8:35 AM
Frankincense is actually the name of the king, not the perfume.