we have questioned infertility given my personal experiences in life in regards to trying to conceive, so if I ever have a child, it’ll more than likely be via adoption. we don’t know if this is due to after-affects of chemo, where my surgeries took place, or something else.

I am a 2x cancer survivor. I had a sacrococcygeal teratoma (yolk-sac tumor with minor development tissues on my tailbone) and due to it, I don’t have a tailbone. this adds to the pain and physical disability. I have not sought medical assistance for this as of current, but will update here if so.

Overall, I have Autism + ADHD, anxiety disorders, PTSD, BPD with psychotic/schizophrenic episodes.
I’m also physically disabled to a minor extent (hard of hearing, vision impairment, general chronic pain + weakness, walking aids, etc) and have some sort of tic/spasm disorder, unsure of which.

there’s still so much more for us all to learn about our brains, and it’s not the disorder itself, but the trauma you experience that causes your symptoms. it’s the symptoms fitting in a box that makes the disorder, not the other way around. you don’t develop a disorder first. you develop symptoms.

I just want to talk to someone about it. someone who knows and understands. I need actual help, life is becoming almost unbearable to migrate, and if this is more serious than I initially thought, I need to get it in writing so I can be accommodated for. I can’t be losing time at work or something.

I sleep more often than I’m awake recently, and when I am awake, time passes by like minutes in hours. I will sit down and turn on the tv but barely even pay attention to it, and next thing I know, somehow it’s 8pm instead of 4pm like I remembered. is it just me losing my mind from unemployment? ugh

he said when I was dozing in the living room, he’d asked me if I wanted to go to bed multiple times, but I would either ignore him or get mad. said he basically had to fight me to get up and go to bed. but I still don’t remember it. I remember him asking once and being a bit whiny, but that was it.

I remember planning to make a drink before bed. I also wanted to make ramen so I could get one more “meal” in. but none of that ever happened. I just woke up three hours later, still in my clothes, not under the covers, but cuddled up with a blanket. I had to wake my husband to ask what happened.

as far as I’m consciously aware, aside from involuntary regression with Buggie, I have not had a “full switch” where I have experienced amnesia between fronts + did not have control over my own body. I have had “grey-outs” where it felt as though someone was riding passenger or “co-fronting”.