I bought my first camera (that wasn't attached to a phone) a few months ago. Every beginner's tutorial always pitches their Lightroom tutiorial immediately afterward. I want photos of our vacations and pets, not a goddamned Robert Kincaid painting.

Tim Burton Planet of the Apes: before it started, a guy entering near the front yelled "hey!" to his friend way in back, so everyone in the theater turned to look at him right as he walked straight into a railing, balls-first.

No movie could follow that, and that one sure didn't.

Hereditary, toward the end: you could hear the terror spread through the theater as everyone slowly realized at their own pace that the mother was up in the corner shadow.

Daniel Craig has been trying to tell us something for a long time, right?

Blazing Saddles at the WB 75th anniversary film fest. Packed, raucous house. When Tarzan got hit with the pie, a guy across from me was laughing so hard he fell forward onto one knee in the aisle, bent over, and started pounding on the carpet with his fist.

I'd seen Infernal Affairs, so I spent a good chunk of The Departed wondering if they were going to do the same thing at the end, and when they did, the audience went absolutely apeshit because that sort of thing just does not happen in Hollywood films.

Saw it opening weekend, Saturday afternoon, packed theater. If that first sex scene had lasted one second longer, I'm positive a spontaneous orgy would have broken out.

Embarrassing for the Bruins organization, but I'm told the city of Boston loved it because they loved Ray so much.

Most of the fossils in the House are so senile they probably think they need to maintain the 80s Just Say No campaign in hopes of scoring head from Nancy Reagan.

Late contender for Least Shocking News of the Year

I once thought that, but nowadays it's likely to just be twelve minutes longer with footage that adds little to the original

She looks great but tell us more about the dog!