I think it's most often when you deviate from the norm that you go through new places of thought and experience

I was thinking about Bastille's theory that considers different kinds of erotisms and Preciado's countersexual manifesto that does include the "frigid" people. And also I'm insomniac

Not all asexuality is strict asexuality, sex repulsed and sex negative. They can be a blend of many different things, and the effort the community puts into understanding this width of experience is outstanding.

I love the details in this, especially the way you drew Hisoka's muscles and hair!

I feel incredibly frustrated

I felt a little better after my last therapy appointment at the health clinic but at the same time I felt like she was pushing me to try dating like it wasn't something I've done already in my 20s and had terrible consequences to me.

Sometimes I just feel like people will crap on whatever I say about my own emotional experiences in favor of what they think is normal.

But like,,, y'all,,,, the "conditions" I have for becoming interested in someone is literally what made my psychiatrist clock me as autistic. LITERALLY

I know there's a LOT wrong with the way I involve myself with people. For starters, the way I'm much more likely to be interested in people I met online (it's easier with the whole common interest thing...) and I probably have an idealized way of conceptualizing those feelings

It's not like I invented these requirements out of nowhere either. I just took note of my own patterns. I'm only interested in someone when they're strongly interested in my hyperfixations/special interests. It's how I connect romantically

Why do others get to decide what's necessary for me, personally? 😐

but all i can hope for is to do what's right for myself. you can never expect or hope to know beyond what goes on with the self.

one has to admit it before they can get better, huh

but in this metaphor, rather than an old engine the heart is a living thing. so if it's not dead, i can hope to nurse it to health? yeah, it will take time and patience, but one can hope. i feel brave enough that i finally faced it

so like yeah i feel like my FeelingsTM are not all there and they were not even properly nurtured to be there... but they exist and they are genuine and valid. even if they seem illogical and pointless. and the fact that they exist tells me that my heart still 'works'.