Misty Layne
@mistylayne.bsky.social
Writer, Poet, Film Reviewer
Why CinemaSchminema? Because I really would rather be watching this.
https://cinemaschminema.substack.com/
Why CinemaSchminema? Because I really would rather be watching this.
https://cinemaschminema.substack.com/
“The Ghost Station” definitely isn’t the greatest ghost story I’ve ever watched, but the underlying reason for the ghost kids being there was enough to keep me watching until the end.
"The Ghost Station" Ruminates On The Past
Or, how many ghost kids can haunt one train station?
cinemaschminema.substack.com
December 13, 2025 at 5:03 PM
“The Ghost Station” definitely isn’t the greatest ghost story I’ve ever watched, but the underlying reason for the ghost kids being there was enough to keep me watching until the end.
Welcome to Wednesday Short Shorts, where I catch up on the plethora of short films I’m trying to get through! Today, we have “Killer Kart."
Welcome to Wednesday Short Shorts!
Or, revenge of the carts.
cinemaschminema.substack.com
December 11, 2025 at 2:02 AM
Welcome to Wednesday Short Shorts, where I catch up on the plethora of short films I’m trying to get through! Today, we have “Killer Kart."
If you’re looking for a fun sci-fi flick that will make you think (and also possibly leave you a little depressed), “Site” is the film for you. Featuring an intriguing plot, a good cast, and mostly excellent cinematography, it’s an ambitious project that almost manages to achieve its goals.
"Site" Intrigues & Depresses
Or, how do we resolve the past?
cinemaschminema.substack.com
December 7, 2025 at 5:05 PM
If you’re looking for a fun sci-fi flick that will make you think (and also possibly leave you a little depressed), “Site” is the film for you. Featuring an intriguing plot, a good cast, and mostly excellent cinematography, it’s an ambitious project that almost manages to achieve its goals.
I really wanted to like this one because premise was cool, but “Never Blink” has far too many minor issues that add up, making the film less enjoyable than it could’ve been. Definitely an A for effort, but, like, a C- overall.
"Never Blink" Shoots For Intriguing, Falls Short
Or, soooo many flashbacks.
cinemaschminema.substack.com
December 6, 2025 at 5:09 PM
I really wanted to like this one because premise was cool, but “Never Blink” has far too many minor issues that add up, making the film less enjoyable than it could’ve been. Definitely an A for effort, but, like, a C- overall.
Welcome to Wednesday Short Shorts, where I catch up on the plethora of short films I’m trying to get through! Today, we have “Skeeter” and “Nightmare at Camp Bloodbath.”
Welcome to Wednesday Short Shorts!
Or, mosquitoes suck, but camp is fun.
cinemaschminema.substack.com
December 4, 2025 at 2:03 AM
Welcome to Wednesday Short Shorts, where I catch up on the plethora of short films I’m trying to get through! Today, we have “Skeeter” and “Nightmare at Camp Bloodbath.”
Objectively, “Within the Pines” is beautifully shot, with gorgeous scenery and incredibly tight sound design, which, considering the probably minimal budget, is a fantastic feat. Lyrically and plot-wise, though, the film fails to live up to its potential, making it more middling than anything else.
"Within the Pines" Offers Potential But Little Else
Or, sweet sound design, but not much else.
cinemaschminema.substack.com
November 30, 2025 at 5:03 PM
Objectively, “Within the Pines” is beautifully shot, with gorgeous scenery and incredibly tight sound design, which, considering the probably minimal budget, is a fantastic feat. Lyrically and plot-wise, though, the film fails to live up to its potential, making it more middling than anything else.
The nightmarish tradition of Black Friday may be over, but it isn’t too late to enjoy an “everyman versus zombie aliens” film about that tradition.
"Black Friday" Brings The Joy (and Gore)
Or, wow, those customers were REALLY rabid.
cinemaschminema.substack.com
November 29, 2025 at 5:41 PM
The nightmarish tradition of Black Friday may be over, but it isn’t too late to enjoy an “everyman versus zombie aliens” film about that tradition.
“Amityville Turkey Day” is an absolute atrocity, the kind of film that makes me question why I do this to myself.
"Amityville Turkey Day" Is a Complete Turkey
Or, the longest hour and a half of my life.
cinemaschminema.substack.com
November 27, 2025 at 2:03 AM
“Amityville Turkey Day” is an absolute atrocity, the kind of film that makes me question why I do this to myself.
“Discarnate” isn’t a perfect film by any means, but it’s got enough meat on its bones to be satisfying.
"Discarnate" = Good Idea, Meh Execution
Or, how not to grieve.
cinemaschminema.substack.com
November 23, 2025 at 5:06 PM
“Discarnate” isn’t a perfect film by any means, but it’s got enough meat on its bones to be satisfying.
"The McPherson Tape" isn’t terrible for a 1989 found-footage film, but all the yelling and improvisation, while realistic, make it a drudge to get through, because you just want everyone to shut the hell up already and do something smart.
"The McPherson Tape" Is Old School
Or, wow, that was a lot of yelling.
cinemaschminema.substack.com
November 22, 2025 at 5:15 PM
"The McPherson Tape" isn’t terrible for a 1989 found-footage film, but all the yelling and improvisation, while realistic, make it a drudge to get through, because you just want everyone to shut the hell up already and do something smart.
Welcome to Wednesday Short Shorts, where I catch up on the plethora of short films I’m trying to get through! Today, we have “Margie.”
Welcome to Wednesday Short Shorts!
Or, don't pick up strangers from the side of the road.
cinemaschminema.substack.com
November 20, 2025 at 2:12 AM
Welcome to Wednesday Short Shorts, where I catch up on the plethora of short films I’m trying to get through! Today, we have “Margie.”
Unfortunately, a good idea alone won’t hold up an entire movie; you need at least a decent script and middling actors to do that, and “Hell Hole” just did not have those things.
"Hell Hole" Tries and Fails
Or, the Polish "Hellhole" was so much better than this.
cinemaschminema.substack.com
November 16, 2025 at 5:05 PM
Unfortunately, a good idea alone won’t hold up an entire movie; you need at least a decent script and middling actors to do that, and “Hell Hole” just did not have those things.
“The Devil Below” is one of those films you can watch on a rainy day and not feel like you wasted an hour and a half, but also won’t be super impressed by.
"The Devil Below" Doesn't Totally Suck
Or, welcome to the hellgate.
cinemaschminema.substack.com
November 15, 2025 at 5:09 PM
“The Devil Below” is one of those films you can watch on a rainy day and not feel like you wasted an hour and a half, but also won’t be super impressed by.
Welcome to Wednesday Short Shorts, where I catch up on the plethora of short films I’m trying to get through! Today, we have “The Poem.”
Welcome to Wednesday Short Shorts!
Or, stop with the demon summoning already!
cinemaschminema.substack.com
November 13, 2025 at 2:03 AM
Welcome to Wednesday Short Shorts, where I catch up on the plethora of short films I’m trying to get through! Today, we have “The Poem.”
“Deranged” is a good watch (if you don’t mind being freaked out by the idea of parasites). The pace rarely drags, and the scenes of large groups of people dying will leave you tense, and by the end, you might just have a new fear unlocked as well.
"Deranged" Is Horrifying
Or, new fear unlocked.
cinemaschminema.substack.com
November 9, 2025 at 5:03 PM
“Deranged” is a good watch (if you don’t mind being freaked out by the idea of parasites). The pace rarely drags, and the scenes of large groups of people dying will leave you tense, and by the end, you might just have a new fear unlocked as well.
I guess if you love knowing exactly what’s going to happen and don’t want to actually be scared, you might enjoy “Last Shift,” but I feel like most horror fans are going to want to skip this one.
"Last Shift" Is Nothing But Cliches
Or, enjoy the 80 gazillion jump scares.
cinemaschminema.substack.com
November 8, 2025 at 5:13 PM
I guess if you love knowing exactly what’s going to happen and don’t want to actually be scared, you might enjoy “Last Shift,” but I feel like most horror fans are going to want to skip this one.
Welcome to Wednesday Short Shorts, where I catch up on the plethora of short films I’m trying to get through! Today, we have “Perhaps Better That Way.”
Welcome to Wednesday Short Shorts!
Or, random encounters and lost passion.
cinemaschminema.substack.com
November 6, 2025 at 2:02 AM
Welcome to Wednesday Short Shorts, where I catch up on the plethora of short films I’m trying to get through! Today, we have “Perhaps Better That Way.”
CinemaSchminema’s 31 days of horror movies from the 1990s continues with "Bloody Muscle Body Builder in Hell"!
“Bloody Muscle Body Builder in Hell" Is Awesomely Bad
Or, give me more of this, please.
cinemaschminema.substack.com
November 1, 2025 at 1:01 AM
CinemaSchminema’s 31 days of horror movies from the 1990s continues with "Bloody Muscle Body Builder in Hell"!
CinemaSchminema’s 31 days of horror movies from the 1990s continues with "Arachnophobia"!
"Arachnophobia" Is Fantastic
Or, don't watch this if you dislike spiders.
cinemaschminema.substack.com
October 31, 2025 at 1:02 AM
CinemaSchminema’s 31 days of horror movies from the 1990s continues with "Arachnophobia"!
CinemaSchminema’s 31 days of horror movies from the 1990s continues with "Retro Puppet Master"!
"Retro Puppet Master" Offers Nothing But Terribleness
Or, I regret the decision to watch this.
cinemaschminema.substack.com
October 30, 2025 at 1:01 AM
CinemaSchminema’s 31 days of horror movies from the 1990s continues with "Retro Puppet Master"!
CinemaSchminema’s 31 days of horror movies from the 1990s continues with "Witchouse"!
"Witchouse" Lacks Originality
Or, just how many movies did Full Moon put out in the '90s?
cinemaschminema.substack.com
October 29, 2025 at 1:02 AM
CinemaSchminema’s 31 days of horror movies from the 1990s continues with "Witchouse"!
CinemaSchminema’s 31 days of horror movies from the 1990s continues with "Resurrection"!
"Resurrection" Is a Copycat With Flair
Or, wow, that's a lot of body parts.
cinemaschminema.substack.com
October 28, 2025 at 1:02 AM
CinemaSchminema’s 31 days of horror movies from the 1990s continues with "Resurrection"!
CinemaSchminema’s 31 days of horror movies from the 1990s continues with "Tomie"!
"Tomie" Doesn't Quite Hit the Mark
Or, oops, my boyfriend killed a girl again.
cinemaschminema.substack.com
October 26, 2025 at 4:03 PM
CinemaSchminema’s 31 days of horror movies from the 1990s continues with "Tomie"!
CinemaSchminema’s 31 days of horror movies from the 1990s continues with "Talisman"!
"Talisman" Falls Just Short of Interesting
Or, why is that angel dressed like a monk?
cinemaschminema.substack.com
October 25, 2025 at 4:04 PM
CinemaSchminema’s 31 days of horror movies from the 1990s continues with "Talisman"!
CinemaSchminema’s 31 days of horror movies from the 1990s continues with "Shrieker"!
"Shrieker" Will Not Make You Shriek
Or, how to suck at calling upon the powers of hell.
cinemaschminema.substack.com
October 25, 2025 at 1:02 AM
CinemaSchminema’s 31 days of horror movies from the 1990s continues with "Shrieker"!