I genuinely hate myself... But like... acknowledging that you're a bad person is fundamentally worthless if you can't actually change, right? 🤷‍♀️

I'm really *disgusting*...

And sure I do regret it, but that's irrelevant because I haven't actually changed a bit since.... I understand my mistakes, but I don't actually learn from them, you know 🤷‍♀️

I wish people would understand that that me having the word "bitch" carved into my arm was meant as a fucking warning...

I hope it never actually fades. I deserve to have it visible for everyone to see for the rest of my fucking life...

And the worst part, I'm a fucking black hole, I demand constant attention, comfort and reassurance, but I never give anything back...

I truly *am* a fucking terrible person, but of course, I only say that so people will reassure me that I'm not...

I'm disgusting.

I cut for attention, I call myself a creepy disgusting man for attention, I break down crying in public for attention, I ghost people for attention, I apologize for attention, I call myself manipulative and a terrible person... for attention

No regrets!! :b
I'd rather die of pulmonary embolism than hondose myself >_____<

Yeah, incredibly real...

It's one of the many psyops out there that trick dysphoric transsexuals into repping for longer...

> women's clothing no pockets 😭😭😭

Yeah, that sucks, but what if there were another way to carry items around that would also make you look elegant and feminine 🤔

Girl... Considering that she's getting SRS soon, I think she's been past the "figuring out she's trans" phase for a while... 🫣

...And now that I'm stealth I myself feel increasingly ashamed of being attracted to women... It actually makes me feel so disgusting and I'm constantly scared that other women will think I'm creepy if they somehow notice that I'm into them...

I guess I should start believing in karma 😞

...and well, I love being feminine, so pushing through all those fears was one of the best things I ever did... At first, though, it really felt like being tossed into cold water and having to learn how to swim or drown...

I think for most people forever boymoding is actually not sustainable... 🤷‍♀️

What I'm trying to say... one day you'll find yourself in a body that is very feminized and people will notice and your best option for stealth will actually be to girlmode...

And when I realized that, it was really scary because I wasn't prepared at all...

It all went away when I finally put on the dress...

Seriously, when I started to girlmode I suddenly became *less* visibly trans.... The stares stopped, the awkwardness stopped. I started to feel like I blend in again... And over time the anxiety in public went away.

I noticed all of it and it made me so so anxious...

I was constantly anxious in public, constantly anxious at work. I was so scared that someone would say something, confront me.

I was terrified because it felt like everyone could see through my silly disguise and see the tranny underneath...

I constantly got stared at. Everyone became really awkward around me, people started walking on eggshells, avoided using gendered terms. Coworkers stared at my tits that got too big to hide. A woman followed me into the men's restroom. I messed up a job interview because I malefailed just before.

To be completely honest... If you keep this estrogen thing up you will have to deal with transphobia sooner or later.

I boymoded for two years, because I was completely terrified of being visibly trans, but at some point it became very unsustainable... and ironically it made me *more* visibly trans

Basically whenever I'm passionate about something I'm really obsessed with it for a few months and then it fades away and then I always get a period where I feel empty and devoid of meaning and it actually somehow hurts... until the next thing comes around...