Matt Ruby
@mattruby.bsky.social
Comedian/Writer. Join over 16k subscribers and get my funny newsletter in your inbox: https://mattruby.substack.com/
everything is wide and shallow instead of narrow and deep now
December 28, 2025 at 6:08 PM
everything is wide and shallow instead of narrow and deep now
We've been avatarred and feathered
December 20, 2025 at 9:00 PM
We've been avatarred and feathered
The most homoerotic thing in sports! Two chiseled men take their shirts off, gaze into each other's eyes from mere inches apart, and inquire, "How much do YOU weigh?" All while a roomful of other men photograph them. Y'all fabulous!
December 19, 2025 at 8:00 PM
The most homoerotic thing in sports! Two chiseled men take their shirts off, gaze into each other's eyes from mere inches apart, and inquire, "How much do YOU weigh?" All while a roomful of other men photograph them. Y'all fabulous!
Good advice from Christopher Titus: “Whether you kill or bomb, only allow yourself to bask in it for the length of time you were actually on stage then move on or you’re wasting time.”
More on standup at link below...
More on standup at link below...
December 17, 2025 at 5:52 PM
Good advice from Christopher Titus: “Whether you kill or bomb, only allow yourself to bask in it for the length of time you were actually on stage then move on or you’re wasting time.”
More on standup at link below...
More on standup at link below...
Diddy and "the mixing process"
December 12, 2025 at 3:37 PM
Diddy and "the mixing process"
Get my Rubesletter on Substack for gems like these...
December 11, 2025 at 11:24 PM
Get my Rubesletter on Substack for gems like these...
We used to care whether someone was right. Now we just want them confident, wrong-but-in-a-surprising-way, and a little depraved. So that’s what we get.
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December 10, 2025 at 8:22 PM
We used to care whether someone was right. Now we just want them confident, wrong-but-in-a-surprising-way, and a little depraved. So that’s what we get.
👇
👇
Diddy pretending to produce music...
December 10, 2025 at 5:10 PM
Diddy pretending to produce music...
Listening Age, eh? "Spotify flooded us with facts about our true selves yet all we want to talk about is the made up age it attached to us based on some nonsense formula no one understands. It just goes to show: Facts are Ambien, lies are Adderall."
December 10, 2025 at 4:58 PM
Listening Age, eh? "Spotify flooded us with facts about our true selves yet all we want to talk about is the made up age it attached to us based on some nonsense formula no one understands. It just goes to show: Facts are Ambien, lies are Adderall."
"How people reacted to this year’s Spotify Wrapped revealed something embarrassing about us – and it’s got nothing to do with music..."
🆕 Rubesletter in your inbox tomorrow AM if you sign up at link below (or go to mattruby • substack • com).
🆕 Rubesletter in your inbox tomorrow AM if you sign up at link below (or go to mattruby • substack • com).
December 10, 2025 at 1:15 AM
"How people reacted to this year’s Spotify Wrapped revealed something embarrassing about us – and it’s got nothing to do with music..."
🆕 Rubesletter in your inbox tomorrow AM if you sign up at link below (or go to mattruby • substack • com).
🆕 Rubesletter in your inbox tomorrow AM if you sign up at link below (or go to mattruby • substack • com).
Pretty wild to label other places as "low IQ" "sh*thole countries" when half our country believes "make man who do most pullups top medicine man"
December 9, 2025 at 9:04 PM
Pretty wild to label other places as "low IQ" "sh*thole countries" when half our country believes "make man who do most pullups top medicine man"
Key & Peele needs to come back just so we can get a sketch on the outfits NBA players wear when they walk into the arena.
December 4, 2025 at 4:50 PM
Key & Peele needs to come back just so we can get a sketch on the outfits NBA players wear when they walk into the arena.
Pentagon image of Venezuelan narcoterrorist:
December 3, 2025 at 7:19 PM
Pentagon image of Venezuelan narcoterrorist:
Coming tomorrow: New Substack all about what AI is really going to do to us. Sign up at link below to get it in your inbox...
December 3, 2025 at 12:56 AM
Coming tomorrow: New Substack all about what AI is really going to do to us. Sign up at link below to get it in your inbox...
"I was in the room when the legal stuff happened, but I was gone by the time the freaky stuff went down."
-Pete Hegseth and everyone who went to a Diddy party
-Pete Hegseth and everyone who went to a Diddy party
December 2, 2025 at 8:31 PM
"I was in the room when the legal stuff happened, but I was gone by the time the freaky stuff went down."
-Pete Hegseth and everyone who went to a Diddy party
-Pete Hegseth and everyone who went to a Diddy party
November 26, 2025 at 7:50 PM
👀 "Don’t Say Um" tips funnyhow.substack.com/p/laughter-r...
November 26, 2025 at 7:24 PM
👀 "Don’t Say Um" tips funnyhow.substack.com/p/laughter-r...
Zohran and Trump both run on love/hate attention.
So of course their meeting went viral.
Here’s what actually happened...
👇 link below (paywall) 👇
So of course their meeting went viral.
Here’s what actually happened...
👇 link below (paywall) 👇
November 25, 2025 at 7:09 PM
Zohran and Trump both run on love/hate attention.
So of course their meeting went viral.
Here’s what actually happened...
👇 link below (paywall) 👇
So of course their meeting went viral.
Here’s what actually happened...
👇 link below (paywall) 👇
Nobody wants this...
November 21, 2025 at 1:17 AM
Nobody wants this...