Matt Oswalt
@mattoswaltva.bsky.social
remember me? We met on Twitter and would get together every Tuesday afternoon at the Motel 6 outside Fresno.
this is like a monologue Bialystock & Bloom would add to Springtime for Hitler after opening night was an unexpected hit.
Megyn Kelly: "I know somebody very close to this case…Jeffrey Epstein, in this person's view, was not a pedophile…He was into the barely legal type, like he liked 15 year old girls…He wasn't into like 8 year olds…There's a difference between a 15 year old and a 5 year old."
November 14, 2025 at 10:27 PM
this is like a monologue Bialystock & Bloom would add to Springtime for Hitler after opening night was an unexpected hit.
BOEBERT: "Sorry, Mr President, but removing my name from the petition goes against everything I believe as a devout Christian and unapologetic defender of woman."
TRUMP: "I'll appoint you ambassador of Sandals Resort."
BOEBERT: "Pass me the white-out."
TRUMP: "I'll appoint you ambassador of Sandals Resort."
BOEBERT: "Pass me the white-out."
BREAKING: The White House plans to meet with Lauren Boebert — a Republican who has said she wants the Justice Department to release their trove of Epstein files.
Will Boebert buckle under the pressure/threats? 🤨
Will Boebert buckle under the pressure/threats? 🤨
Exclusive: Trump administration plans meeting over House effort to force release of all of DOJ’s Epstein files | CNN Politics
Top Trump administration officials were planning to meet Wednesday about an effort in the US House to force a vote on releasing Justice Department case files related to Jeffrey Epstein, according to m...
www.cnn.com
November 12, 2025 at 11:14 PM
BOEBERT: "Sorry, Mr President, but removing my name from the petition goes against everything I believe as a devout Christian and unapologetic defender of woman."
TRUMP: "I'll appoint you ambassador of Sandals Resort."
BOEBERT: "Pass me the white-out."
TRUMP: "I'll appoint you ambassador of Sandals Resort."
BOEBERT: "Pass me the white-out."
driving thru Beverly Hills after dentist appointment and mouth still droopy from novocaine I pulled next to a famous actress I've crushed on since I was a teen and I've never felt more like Judge Reinhold from Fast Times in my life.
....and I wasn't even wearing a pirate costume
....and I wasn't even wearing a pirate costume
November 11, 2025 at 11:07 PM
driving thru Beverly Hills after dentist appointment and mouth still droopy from novocaine I pulled next to a famous actress I've crushed on since I was a teen and I've never felt more like Judge Reinhold from Fast Times in my life.
....and I wasn't even wearing a pirate costume
....and I wasn't even wearing a pirate costume
my God, she's gonna chop off Paul Sheldons other foot, isn't she
November 10, 2025 at 10:01 PM
my God, she's gonna chop off Paul Sheldons other foot, isn't she
there's no greater indicator of how damaging the Epstein files are to Trump and the entire MAGA movement than the total 180 Marjorie Taylor Greene has done since seeing them.
Greene: "I will praise Nancy Pelosi. She had an incredible career for her party. I served under her speakership in my first term in Congress and I'm very impressed at her ability to get things done. I wish we could get things done for our party like Nancy Pelosi was able to deliver for her party."
November 7, 2025 at 12:17 AM
there's no greater indicator of how damaging the Epstein files are to Trump and the entire MAGA movement than the total 180 Marjorie Taylor Greene has done since seeing them.
Ash when the Alien bursts out of Kane's chest
November 6, 2025 at 10:45 PM
Ash when the Alien bursts out of Kane's chest
did my civic duty.
voted then picked up this lime scooter some commie bastard left lying across the sidewalk.
you're welcome, America.
voted then picked up this lime scooter some commie bastard left lying across the sidewalk.
you're welcome, America.
November 5, 2025 at 12:43 AM
did my civic duty.
voted then picked up this lime scooter some commie bastard left lying across the sidewalk.
you're welcome, America.
voted then picked up this lime scooter some commie bastard left lying across the sidewalk.
you're welcome, America.
Reposted by Matt Oswalt
guy wearing MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN HAT and TRUMP 2028 neck tattoo at Piggly Wiggly finding out his food stamps are no longer valid
July 1, 2025 at 7:37 PM
guy wearing MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN HAT and TRUMP 2028 neck tattoo at Piggly Wiggly finding out his food stamps are no longer valid
ladies, if anyone calls your Halloween costume 'slutty' just tell them you're dressed as a recently widowed Evangelical Christian
October 31, 2025 at 10:16 PM
ladies, if anyone calls your Halloween costume 'slutty' just tell them you're dressed as a recently widowed Evangelical Christian
Happy 4th of July or as dogs call it, K9/11
July 4, 2025 at 8:49 PM
Happy 4th of July or as dogs call it, K9/11
BREAKING: Alderaan Senator lobbies to change name of Death Star to "Boom Moon"
July 2, 2025 at 12:53 AM
BREAKING: Alderaan Senator lobbies to change name of Death Star to "Boom Moon"
guy wearing MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN HAT and TRUMP 2028 neck tattoo at Piggly Wiggly finding out his food stamps are no longer valid
July 1, 2025 at 7:37 PM
guy wearing MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN HAT and TRUMP 2028 neck tattoo at Piggly Wiggly finding out his food stamps are no longer valid
suspect identified as Greg Gardens
(forgive me, the world is collapsing and all I've got in my arsenal is a $40 gift card to Cheesecake Factory and obscure movie references that maybe 10 people will get)
(forgive me, the world is collapsing and all I've got in my arsenal is a $40 gift card to Cheesecake Factory and obscure movie references that maybe 10 people will get)
June 27, 2025 at 9:26 PM
suspect identified as Greg Gardens
(forgive me, the world is collapsing and all I've got in my arsenal is a $40 gift card to Cheesecake Factory and obscure movie references that maybe 10 people will get)
(forgive me, the world is collapsing and all I've got in my arsenal is a $40 gift card to Cheesecake Factory and obscure movie references that maybe 10 people will get)
Trump upon hearing the assassinations in Minnesota have upstaged his big boy birthday parade
June 14, 2025 at 4:46 PM
Trump upon hearing the assassinations in Minnesota have upstaged his big boy birthday parade
unlike Vietnam or Afghanistan at least the Marines coming to.L.A. know exactly what this fight is all about
June 10, 2025 at 6:07 PM
unlike Vietnam or Afghanistan at least the Marines coming to.L.A. know exactly what this fight is all about
FOX News desperately trying to make a Rodney King riot out of a Donna Martin Graduates chant
June 10, 2025 at 1:41 AM
FOX News desperately trying to make a Rodney King riot out of a Donna Martin Graduates chant
this YouTube video of Stretch Armstrong in a microwave has over 60 million views
I swear if YouTube was around when I was a kid I'd be richer than Mr. Beast
I swear if YouTube was around when I was a kid I'd be richer than Mr. Beast
June 7, 2025 at 11:25 PM
this YouTube video of Stretch Armstrong in a microwave has over 60 million views
I swear if YouTube was around when I was a kid I'd be richer than Mr. Beast
I swear if YouTube was around when I was a kid I'd be richer than Mr. Beast
don't worry everyone, I'm certain this feud between the adderall junkie with the nuclear codes and the ketamine addict with all our social security numbers is just a tiny bump in the road towards American prosperity and greatness
June 6, 2025 at 3:32 AM
don't worry everyone, I'm certain this feud between the adderall junkie with the nuclear codes and the ketamine addict with all our social security numbers is just a tiny bump in the road towards American prosperity and greatness
it's like the bees from My Girl have turned on each other and I'm trying to figure out which one to root for
June 6, 2025 at 12:53 AM
it's like the bees from My Girl have turned on each other and I'm trying to figure out which one to root for
the only certainties in life are death, taxes, and if you sit at an outdoor café in the valley Jay Leno will drive by
May 27, 2025 at 3:07 AM
the only certainties in life are death, taxes, and if you sit at an outdoor café in the valley Jay Leno will drive by
saw a bobcat on my run this morning but didn't have a camera to document it so I bought this t-shirt to commemorate the occasion
May 15, 2025 at 9:49 PM
saw a bobcat on my run this morning but didn't have a camera to document it so I bought this t-shirt to commemorate the occasion
1184 BC - in one of the most cunning military maneuvers ever conceived the Greeks build a large wooden horse as a gift to Troy who are unaware soldiers hide inside ready to to sack the city and end the Trojan War
2025 -
2025 -
As part of the red-carpet treatment, Saudi officials arranged for a fully operational mobile McDonald’s unit to accompany President Trump during his stay.
According to local reports, the unit was set up near the Saudi Royal Court.
According to local reports, the unit was set up near the Saudi Royal Court.
May 13, 2025 at 8:05 PM
1184 BC - in one of the most cunning military maneuvers ever conceived the Greeks build a large wooden horse as a gift to Troy who are unaware soldiers hide inside ready to to sack the city and end the Trojan War
2025 -
2025 -
Happy Mother's Day to my mom who on my 10th birthday took me and my friends to see Xanadu because she thought it was a sequel to Star Wars
May 11, 2025 at 6:15 PM
Happy Mother's Day to my mom who on my 10th birthday took me and my friends to see Xanadu because she thought it was a sequel to Star Wars
flyby outside my window in honor of me getting Wordle in just two tries
May 10, 2025 at 2:33 AM
flyby outside my window in honor of me getting Wordle in just two tries
American Pope sounds like a screenplay that's been bouncing around Hollywood for decades with everyone from Robert Redford to Pauly Shore attached at some point
May 9, 2025 at 12:04 AM
American Pope sounds like a screenplay that's been bouncing around Hollywood for decades with everyone from Robert Redford to Pauly Shore attached at some point