Matt O’Brien
@mattobrien.bsky.social
Canadian in LA seen on Just For Laughs, Conan, Fox Sports, Winner of Sirius XM Top Comic and Time Out Comics to Watch
just checked my bank account balance and I think I’m going to treat my wife and I to some delicious pina coladas tonight
April 8, 2025 at 2:17 AM
just checked my bank account balance and I think I’m going to treat my wife and I to some delicious pina coladas tonight
yesterday an American in our hotel lobby asked where we were from and we told him we were Canadian.
he said he went to Canada once and thought it was funny that everything closed at 11pm.
we said that’s not true.
he said “yes it is”
then he pushed a door that clearly said pull.
he said he went to Canada once and thought it was funny that everything closed at 11pm.
we said that’s not true.
he said “yes it is”
then he pushed a door that clearly said pull.
April 5, 2025 at 12:08 AM
yesterday an American in our hotel lobby asked where we were from and we told him we were Canadian.
he said he went to Canada once and thought it was funny that everything closed at 11pm.
we said that’s not true.
he said “yes it is”
then he pushed a door that clearly said pull.
he said he went to Canada once and thought it was funny that everything closed at 11pm.
we said that’s not true.
he said “yes it is”
then he pushed a door that clearly said pull.
MY WIFE: *using her iPhone flashlight to make her way to the bathroom in the middle of the night*
ME ALREADY ON THE TOILET:
ME ALREADY ON THE TOILET:
March 28, 2025 at 10:14 PM
MY WIFE: *using her iPhone flashlight to make her way to the bathroom in the middle of the night*
ME ALREADY ON THE TOILET:
ME ALREADY ON THE TOILET:
went in for my post vasectomy sperm analysis and treated myself to one of their jizz pens
March 21, 2025 at 9:13 PM
went in for my post vasectomy sperm analysis and treated myself to one of their jizz pens
Canadian tariffs on Pancake Tuesday.
ENJOY YOUR LAST TASTE OF ACTUAL GOOD SYRUP AMERICA
ENJOY YOUR LAST TASTE OF ACTUAL GOOD SYRUP AMERICA
March 5, 2025 at 5:45 AM
Canadian tariffs on Pancake Tuesday.
ENJOY YOUR LAST TASTE OF ACTUAL GOOD SYRUP AMERICA
ENJOY YOUR LAST TASTE OF ACTUAL GOOD SYRUP AMERICA
Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed.
Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. Papa Roach is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears. Says,
"But doctor...I am Papa Roach."
Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. Papa Roach is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears. Says,
"But doctor...I am Papa Roach."
February 27, 2025 at 8:46 PM
Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed.
Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. Papa Roach is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears. Says,
"But doctor...I am Papa Roach."
Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. Papa Roach is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears. Says,
"But doctor...I am Papa Roach."
excited to announce that people screaming at full volume when the plane hits mild turbulence is up 10000%
February 26, 2025 at 4:46 PM
excited to announce that people screaming at full volume when the plane hits mild turbulence is up 10000%
every time Elon talks it sounds like he’s about to fall down a flight of stairs
February 21, 2025 at 1:47 AM
every time Elon talks it sounds like he’s about to fall down a flight of stairs
me when society collapses and people that followed me on social media are still waiting for me to talk about dropping huge loads in a Costco dairy fridge
February 5, 2025 at 7:41 AM
me when society collapses and people that followed me on social media are still waiting for me to talk about dropping huge loads in a Costco dairy fridge
guy at TSA was trying to find his ID to get through security and then sighed and said
"sorry all I have is a passport does that work?"
and an old man asked if he was “OK”
"sorry all I have is a passport does that work?"
and an old man asked if he was “OK”
January 5, 2025 at 3:48 PM
guy at TSA was trying to find his ID to get through security and then sighed and said
"sorry all I have is a passport does that work?"
and an old man asked if he was “OK”
"sorry all I have is a passport does that work?"
and an old man asked if he was “OK”
honestly every single time I see a snow man I’m like “is that Parson FUCKIN Brown?”
December 21, 2024 at 4:01 PM
honestly every single time I see a snow man I’m like “is that Parson FUCKIN Brown?”
there’s a couple sides of my cheese grater that I refuse to use because they’re “too scary”
December 20, 2024 at 5:26 PM
there’s a couple sides of my cheese grater that I refuse to use because they’re “too scary”
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve committed a major crime and thought “this calls for a McDouble in Pennsylvania”
December 9, 2024 at 11:02 PM
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve committed a major crime and thought “this calls for a McDouble in Pennsylvania”
a lot of audiences are now expecting comedians to do crowd work so a thing I’ve been doing is I’ll ask a guy his name and what he does and then immediately move on to a completely unrelated pre-written joke.
I call it “edging the incels”
I call it “edging the incels”
December 7, 2024 at 6:59 PM
a lot of audiences are now expecting comedians to do crowd work so a thing I’ve been doing is I’ll ask a guy his name and what he does and then immediately move on to a completely unrelated pre-written joke.
I call it “edging the incels”
I call it “edging the incels”
whoops I turned on the Santa tracker too early and I just saw him enter an adult book store in Saskatchewan
December 4, 2024 at 6:15 PM
whoops I turned on the Santa tracker too early and I just saw him enter an adult book store in Saskatchewan
I’m at an age where I really appreciate a nice extension cord
December 2, 2024 at 7:28 AM
I’m at an age where I really appreciate a nice extension cord
my favorite part about visiting my hometown is being told how much “LA is a shithole” from a guy that’s never been more than 2 blocks away from his parents his entire life
November 29, 2024 at 5:05 PM
my favorite part about visiting my hometown is being told how much “LA is a shithole” from a guy that’s never been more than 2 blocks away from his parents his entire life
every Thanksgiving my family gathers around the table and tells the story about how one time we were at a cabin and my Dad farted so hard a book fell off a shelf on the other side of the room
November 29, 2024 at 5:46 AM
every Thanksgiving my family gathers around the table and tells the story about how one time we were at a cabin and my Dad farted so hard a book fell off a shelf on the other side of the room
wow this games not as I remember it
November 28, 2024 at 7:10 AM
wow this games not as I remember it
imagine being the wicked witch of an ENTIRE direction
November 26, 2024 at 4:05 AM
imagine being the wicked witch of an ENTIRE direction
ME WATCHING THE GREAT BRITISH BAKING SHOW 7 WINES DEEP EATING ICE CREAM OUT OF A MUG:
“…they’re proofing it too long”
“…they’re proofing it too long”
November 25, 2024 at 4:06 AM
ME WATCHING THE GREAT BRITISH BAKING SHOW 7 WINES DEEP EATING ICE CREAM OUT OF A MUG:
“…they’re proofing it too long”
“…they’re proofing it too long”
walking into the Costco tire center feels like a church that worships a rubber god
November 23, 2024 at 11:41 PM
walking into the Costco tire center feels like a church that worships a rubber god
I love when the weather gets colder and my hands immediately turn into a bouquet of dried up lizard dicks
November 21, 2024 at 4:02 PM
I love when the weather gets colder and my hands immediately turn into a bouquet of dried up lizard dicks
did you know if you put pajamas on a Costco rotisserie chicken it’ll come back to life and walk around your kitchen
November 21, 2024 at 5:13 AM
did you know if you put pajamas on a Costco rotisserie chicken it’ll come back to life and walk around your kitchen
ever try eating popcorn with the other hand
it feels CRAZY
it feels CRAZY
November 19, 2024 at 6:05 PM
ever try eating popcorn with the other hand
it feels CRAZY
it feels CRAZY