A Bad Man with the Master Plan (& the ladies call me Tex)
@matapacos.bsky.social
Hot Takes & VHS Tapes*
Right of Return
No Cops, No Masters
*really DVDs mostly.
Right of Return
No Cops, No Masters
*really DVDs mostly.
I love how these dolts who are so fearful of their own mediocrity they’ll file paperwork to give themselves bullshit titles without considering any of the potential liability from their even dumber underlings & then STILL throw some Dante Hicks “I’m not even supposed to be here today”-ass tantrum.
December 13, 2025 at 12:16 PM
I love how these dolts who are so fearful of their own mediocrity they’ll file paperwork to give themselves bullshit titles without considering any of the potential liability from their even dumber underlings & then STILL throw some Dante Hicks “I’m not even supposed to be here today”-ass tantrum.
I’m sure this took place exactly as you described it.
December 12, 2025 at 8:54 PM
I’m sure this took place exactly as you described it.
December 8, 2025 at 10:27 PM
My wife* won’t abide giving me a Jersey Sky Funeral (dumping my corpse on the side of the NJ Turnpike & making the state deal with all disposal fees.)
I’ve just come around on the idea of burial because digging through old albums I found my epitaph.
*implied Borat voice
I’ve just come around on the idea of burial because digging through old albums I found my epitaph.
*implied Borat voice
December 6, 2025 at 12:55 AM
My wife* won’t abide giving me a Jersey Sky Funeral (dumping my corpse on the side of the NJ Turnpike & making the state deal with all disposal fees.)
I’ve just come around on the idea of burial because digging through old albums I found my epitaph.
*implied Borat voice
I’ve just come around on the idea of burial because digging through old albums I found my epitaph.
*implied Borat voice
Replyguys are all functionally illiterate.
December 4, 2025 at 8:32 PM
Replyguys are all functionally illiterate.
My favorite episode is “Smooshed: A Love Story” but this will always be my favorite moment from the series:
December 3, 2025 at 2:44 AM
My favorite episode is “Smooshed: A Love Story” but this will always be my favorite moment from the series:
My wife* is out with her friends watching OSU @ Michigan.
Me dropping into the group chat:
*implied Borat voice
Me dropping into the group chat:
*implied Borat voice
November 29, 2025 at 8:03 PM
My wife* is out with her friends watching OSU @ Michigan.
Me dropping into the group chat:
*implied Borat voice
Me dropping into the group chat:
*implied Borat voice
November 29, 2025 at 3:07 PM
November 28, 2025 at 1:26 PM
You ain’t fucking kidding, damn hippies.
November 23, 2025 at 7:40 PM
You ain’t fucking kidding, damn hippies.
You’re the epitome of mediocre hack. You aren’t at all intelligent or even remotely clever & you’ll never have an original thought.
November 22, 2025 at 5:11 AM
You’re the epitome of mediocre hack. You aren’t at all intelligent or even remotely clever & you’ll never have an original thought.
What do you call it?
The Aristocrats.
The Aristocrats.
November 22, 2025 at 3:16 AM
What do you call it?
The Aristocrats.
The Aristocrats.
So doubling down on my post from earlier.
Jeffries made it BEYOND clear that he’s going to undermine Mamdani every step of the way even AFTER the primary.
Zohran, where the fuck are your balls?
Jeffries made it BEYOND clear that he’s going to undermine Mamdani every step of the way even AFTER the primary.
Zohran, where the fuck are your balls?
November 21, 2025 at 12:44 AM
So doubling down on my post from earlier.
Jeffries made it BEYOND clear that he’s going to undermine Mamdani every step of the way even AFTER the primary.
Zohran, where the fuck are your balls?
Jeffries made it BEYOND clear that he’s going to undermine Mamdani every step of the way even AFTER the primary.
Zohran, where the fuck are your balls?
Dude went full Zuccboi.
Like, bro who is your stylist?! I could throw together something WAY MORE flattering to his figure (& let’s be honest, age appropriate) from a random sample sale in the garment district.
Like, bro who is your stylist?! I could throw together something WAY MORE flattering to his figure (& let’s be honest, age appropriate) from a random sample sale in the garment district.
November 20, 2025 at 4:05 PM
Dude went full Zuccboi.
Like, bro who is your stylist?! I could throw together something WAY MORE flattering to his figure (& let’s be honest, age appropriate) from a random sample sale in the garment district.
Like, bro who is your stylist?! I could throw together something WAY MORE flattering to his figure (& let’s be honest, age appropriate) from a random sample sale in the garment district.
OFC baby boy Davey blocked me after my reply.
Hey David Lublin (yeah, I know you’re the kind of pathetic narcissist who Googles their own name) Brooklyn isn’t that big, learn how to watch your mouth when you speak to a real man, you fucking child.
Hey David Lublin (yeah, I know you’re the kind of pathetic narcissist who Googles their own name) Brooklyn isn’t that big, learn how to watch your mouth when you speak to a real man, you fucking child.
November 20, 2025 at 2:47 PM
OFC baby boy Davey blocked me after my reply.
Hey David Lublin (yeah, I know you’re the kind of pathetic narcissist who Googles their own name) Brooklyn isn’t that big, learn how to watch your mouth when you speak to a real man, you fucking child.
Hey David Lublin (yeah, I know you’re the kind of pathetic narcissist who Googles their own name) Brooklyn isn’t that big, learn how to watch your mouth when you speak to a real man, you fucking child.
Didn’t even make it to office before revealing himself as a duplicitous fuck.
November 20, 2025 at 11:51 AM
Didn’t even make it to office before revealing himself as a duplicitous fuck.
Those crappy battery powered dogs that used to be at the entrance of KayBee Toys X Counterfeit Labubu collab
November 20, 2025 at 12:44 AM
Those crappy battery powered dogs that used to be at the entrance of KayBee Toys X Counterfeit Labubu collab
Fondant is evil
November 18, 2025 at 1:32 PM
Fondant is evil
End The Boy, End The Boy, End The Boy, End The Boy, End The Boy, End The Boy, End The Boy
November 17, 2025 at 5:02 PM
End The Boy, End The Boy, End The Boy, End The Boy, End The Boy, End The Boy, End The Boy
Case in point.
November 15, 2025 at 12:49 PM
Case in point.
Checking in on Debra “I Put THE Mess In” Messing continuing to have a normal one (& sharing a post from the most reliable narrator since Patrick Bateman.)
November 6, 2025 at 9:23 PM
Checking in on Debra “I Put THE Mess In” Messing continuing to have a normal one (& sharing a post from the most reliable narrator since Patrick Bateman.)
This was also released the same year.
November 6, 2025 at 4:33 PM
This was also released the same year.
I think for the first time ever I’m going to buy a copy of the post tomorrow. This graphic is pretty based.
November 5, 2025 at 5:32 AM
I think for the first time ever I’m going to buy a copy of the post tomorrow. This graphic is pretty based.
I don’t think I can possibly stress enough that not one single TSA employee gives a fuck who Tim Scott is.
November 1, 2025 at 3:42 PM
I don’t think I can possibly stress enough that not one single TSA employee gives a fuck who Tim Scott is.
Ugh, this train is a psL
October 29, 2025 at 11:47 PM
Ugh, this train is a psL