candle ends
marmapus.bsky.social
candle ends
@marmapus.bsky.social
im driving for 3hrs to hang out in a weird guy's shed & melt plastic together. might've finally unlocked the achievement

✅make an adult friend 🥲
November 11, 2025 at 9:47 PM
Bec's dad said installing the toilet i found at the tip would be a "piece of piss".. didn't realise this was rather literal when abt 3 mins in we'd unscrewed a pipe, broken a tap & were both soaked in toilet water
November 4, 2025 at 6:14 AM
at the tip shop this weekend a father told his 3yo in a pram that he's not talking to him anymore bcos he's being a silly cunt
October 13, 2025 at 6:19 AM
annoyed that they mixed up my book order but amused that whoever ordered this Kate Morton bestseller is instead going to receive something called 'Venomous Lumpsucker'
October 13, 2025 at 3:17 AM
in Ivan Watch this week Ivan blessed my shoes with his 'magic stick'.. it's not a euphemism just a thing that he did
October 12, 2025 at 2:16 AM
everyone pls include Bec in your prayers tonight her boss enrolled her in a 3 day online sales course & she's already emerged from the room & made a noise like a dying dinosaur
September 23, 2025 at 1:34 AM
sometimes u r having a bad day but then say something like: they can make milk out of nuts & oats but u never hear of them making milk out of cheese.!?? & watch the reaction slowly spread over Bec's face & that makes it all worth it
September 18, 2025 at 7:50 AM
ppl always talkin abt stars but rarely mention the millions of tiny wriggling worms in the sky on a clear day
September 16, 2025 at 5:13 AM
wedding ceremonies should use more smoke machines
August 9, 2025 at 9:23 PM
most accurate assessment of illness when it comes to bec is 'enjoyment of sap' metric:
-All creatures great and smol: bad day
-Call the Midwife: common cold
-Granchester: flu
-Lark rise to Candleford: worse flu
-Miss Fishers murder mysteries movie: covid 19
-Call the Midwife xmas special: deathbed
July 15, 2025 at 12:30 AM
the new guy at work insta bonded to me like a duckling, problem is he is like me except more so & is slowly driving me insane. against my feeble attempts at order he is an unstoppable agent of chaos & it feels like im finally having to pay for all my past crimes
June 27, 2025 at 11:29 PM
on my tombstone: he died as he lived - having a heart attack.
June 27, 2025 at 11:09 PM
the 2ic saw me doing something i shouldnt so after much strategising with poor Bec i texted my boss to get ahead of it & felt like Frank Underwood. he stonewalled me & by the time i returned was a quivering wreck. he acted normal & said offhand he didnt respond bcos the incident was such a nonissue-
June 26, 2025 at 7:17 AM
after a 2nd interview & literal months of agonising job position limbo where ive been basically performing 2 roles without the time or authority to do either properly they've FINALLY hired me as the town's OFFICIAL TIP SHOP GUY! I HAVE INFILTRATED THE SYSTEM I M GONNA GIVE AWAY SO MUCH CHEAP STUFF
May 14, 2025 at 4:17 AM
update from beccawatch: she had a dream last night abt a movie called 'Brown Dragon, Angry Jeep'
May 12, 2025 at 10:23 PM
i showed bec how to make stickers.. what have i unleashed
May 12, 2025 at 11:29 AM
cant explain how incredible it was when out for dinner with my folks bec was like 'it's impossible to pour the water bcos the bottle's filled to the brim' & i was like 'nah just lift it & use the upward momentum to twist it mid air & pour directly into the glass' & bec was like 'do it' & i did
May 10, 2025 at 8:54 AM
someone should make some kind of endlessly generated ASMR news feed of bad to mildly incenvenient things happening to Peter Dutton for me to listen to while i do house chores/fall asleep
May 6, 2025 at 12:12 AM
feel tired? unfulfilled?
trapped in a rigidly heirarchical organisation obsessed with perpetual growth & profit operating under late capitalism? fear not! developments in *insert hard science* show that in this modern era *sweeping narrative abt humanity* all we need is *dodgy personality metric*
March 17, 2025 at 9:09 PM
not to say i think the whole thing was completely without value but i do feel council could have better spent that $750 000
March 17, 2025 at 5:26 AM
i feel like forcing ur employees to engage with self help shit when they r not asking for it is not really ok
March 17, 2025 at 5:05 AM
u should have seen how smug i felt when the human synergistics person turned to me in front of everyone in my workplace & asked what i'd got out of today's session & i very seriously said that it's been a lot to digest & i'm still processing
March 17, 2025 at 4:56 AM
i love how my poor embattled millionaire uncle once lashed out without consulting anyone (especially his wife who's an architect & artist) & purchased this artwork & was almost immediately shouted down by everyone in the family & had to keep it in the basement under a sheet
March 15, 2025 at 11:21 PM
welp my trap has not been successful at trapping anything but has been successful at feeding Mystery Creature(s)
March 10, 2025 at 9:22 PM
a kitten jumped out of a trash bag & ran off at work so i snuck back in after hours to set a cat trap made out of cardboard & wire
March 8, 2025 at 8:28 AM