candle ends
@marmapus.bsky.social
im driving for 3hrs to hang out in a weird guy's shed & melt plastic together. might've finally unlocked the achievement
✅make an adult friend 🥲
✅make an adult friend 🥲
November 11, 2025 at 9:47 PM
im driving for 3hrs to hang out in a weird guy's shed & melt plastic together. might've finally unlocked the achievement
✅make an adult friend 🥲
✅make an adult friend 🥲
Bec's dad said installing the toilet i found at the tip would be a "piece of piss".. didn't realise this was rather literal when abt 3 mins in we'd unscrewed a pipe, broken a tap & were both soaked in toilet water
November 4, 2025 at 6:14 AM
Bec's dad said installing the toilet i found at the tip would be a "piece of piss".. didn't realise this was rather literal when abt 3 mins in we'd unscrewed a pipe, broken a tap & were both soaked in toilet water
at the tip shop this weekend a father told his 3yo in a pram that he's not talking to him anymore bcos he's being a silly cunt
October 13, 2025 at 6:19 AM
at the tip shop this weekend a father told his 3yo in a pram that he's not talking to him anymore bcos he's being a silly cunt
annoyed that they mixed up my book order but amused that whoever ordered this Kate Morton bestseller is instead going to receive something called 'Venomous Lumpsucker'
October 13, 2025 at 3:17 AM
annoyed that they mixed up my book order but amused that whoever ordered this Kate Morton bestseller is instead going to receive something called 'Venomous Lumpsucker'
in Ivan Watch this week Ivan blessed my shoes with his 'magic stick'.. it's not a euphemism just a thing that he did
October 12, 2025 at 2:16 AM
in Ivan Watch this week Ivan blessed my shoes with his 'magic stick'.. it's not a euphemism just a thing that he did
everyone pls include Bec in your prayers tonight her boss enrolled her in a 3 day online sales course & she's already emerged from the room & made a noise like a dying dinosaur
September 23, 2025 at 1:34 AM
everyone pls include Bec in your prayers tonight her boss enrolled her in a 3 day online sales course & she's already emerged from the room & made a noise like a dying dinosaur
sometimes u r having a bad day but then say something like: they can make milk out of nuts & oats but u never hear of them making milk out of cheese.!?? & watch the reaction slowly spread over Bec's face & that makes it all worth it
September 18, 2025 at 7:50 AM
sometimes u r having a bad day but then say something like: they can make milk out of nuts & oats but u never hear of them making milk out of cheese.!?? & watch the reaction slowly spread over Bec's face & that makes it all worth it
ppl always talkin abt stars but rarely mention the millions of tiny wriggling worms in the sky on a clear day
September 16, 2025 at 5:13 AM
ppl always talkin abt stars but rarely mention the millions of tiny wriggling worms in the sky on a clear day
wedding ceremonies should use more smoke machines
August 9, 2025 at 9:23 PM
wedding ceremonies should use more smoke machines
most accurate assessment of illness when it comes to bec is 'enjoyment of sap' metric:
-All creatures great and smol: bad day
-Call the Midwife: common cold
-Granchester: flu
-Lark rise to Candleford: worse flu
-Miss Fishers murder mysteries movie: covid 19
-Call the Midwife xmas special: deathbed
-All creatures great and smol: bad day
-Call the Midwife: common cold
-Granchester: flu
-Lark rise to Candleford: worse flu
-Miss Fishers murder mysteries movie: covid 19
-Call the Midwife xmas special: deathbed
July 15, 2025 at 12:30 AM
most accurate assessment of illness when it comes to bec is 'enjoyment of sap' metric:
-All creatures great and smol: bad day
-Call the Midwife: common cold
-Granchester: flu
-Lark rise to Candleford: worse flu
-Miss Fishers murder mysteries movie: covid 19
-Call the Midwife xmas special: deathbed
-All creatures great and smol: bad day
-Call the Midwife: common cold
-Granchester: flu
-Lark rise to Candleford: worse flu
-Miss Fishers murder mysteries movie: covid 19
-Call the Midwife xmas special: deathbed
the new guy at work insta bonded to me like a duckling, problem is he is like me except more so & is slowly driving me insane. against my feeble attempts at order he is an unstoppable agent of chaos & it feels like im finally having to pay for all my past crimes
June 27, 2025 at 11:29 PM
the new guy at work insta bonded to me like a duckling, problem is he is like me except more so & is slowly driving me insane. against my feeble attempts at order he is an unstoppable agent of chaos & it feels like im finally having to pay for all my past crimes
on my tombstone: he died as he lived - having a heart attack.
June 27, 2025 at 11:09 PM
on my tombstone: he died as he lived - having a heart attack.
the 2ic saw me doing something i shouldnt so after much strategising with poor Bec i texted my boss to get ahead of it & felt like Frank Underwood. he stonewalled me & by the time i returned was a quivering wreck. he acted normal & said offhand he didnt respond bcos the incident was such a nonissue-
June 26, 2025 at 7:17 AM
the 2ic saw me doing something i shouldnt so after much strategising with poor Bec i texted my boss to get ahead of it & felt like Frank Underwood. he stonewalled me & by the time i returned was a quivering wreck. he acted normal & said offhand he didnt respond bcos the incident was such a nonissue-
after a 2nd interview & literal months of agonising job position limbo where ive been basically performing 2 roles without the time or authority to do either properly they've FINALLY hired me as the town's OFFICIAL TIP SHOP GUY! I HAVE INFILTRATED THE SYSTEM I M GONNA GIVE AWAY SO MUCH CHEAP STUFF
May 14, 2025 at 4:17 AM
after a 2nd interview & literal months of agonising job position limbo where ive been basically performing 2 roles without the time or authority to do either properly they've FINALLY hired me as the town's OFFICIAL TIP SHOP GUY! I HAVE INFILTRATED THE SYSTEM I M GONNA GIVE AWAY SO MUCH CHEAP STUFF
update from beccawatch: she had a dream last night abt a movie called 'Brown Dragon, Angry Jeep'
May 12, 2025 at 10:23 PM
update from beccawatch: she had a dream last night abt a movie called 'Brown Dragon, Angry Jeep'
i showed bec how to make stickers.. what have i unleashed
May 12, 2025 at 11:29 AM
i showed bec how to make stickers.. what have i unleashed
cant explain how incredible it was when out for dinner with my folks bec was like 'it's impossible to pour the water bcos the bottle's filled to the brim' & i was like 'nah just lift it & use the upward momentum to twist it mid air & pour directly into the glass' & bec was like 'do it' & i did
May 10, 2025 at 8:54 AM
cant explain how incredible it was when out for dinner with my folks bec was like 'it's impossible to pour the water bcos the bottle's filled to the brim' & i was like 'nah just lift it & use the upward momentum to twist it mid air & pour directly into the glass' & bec was like 'do it' & i did
someone should make some kind of endlessly generated ASMR news feed of bad to mildly incenvenient things happening to Peter Dutton for me to listen to while i do house chores/fall asleep
May 6, 2025 at 12:12 AM
someone should make some kind of endlessly generated ASMR news feed of bad to mildly incenvenient things happening to Peter Dutton for me to listen to while i do house chores/fall asleep
feel tired? unfulfilled?
trapped in a rigidly heirarchical organisation obsessed with perpetual growth & profit operating under late capitalism? fear not! developments in *insert hard science* show that in this modern era *sweeping narrative abt humanity* all we need is *dodgy personality metric*
trapped in a rigidly heirarchical organisation obsessed with perpetual growth & profit operating under late capitalism? fear not! developments in *insert hard science* show that in this modern era *sweeping narrative abt humanity* all we need is *dodgy personality metric*
March 17, 2025 at 9:09 PM
feel tired? unfulfilled?
trapped in a rigidly heirarchical organisation obsessed with perpetual growth & profit operating under late capitalism? fear not! developments in *insert hard science* show that in this modern era *sweeping narrative abt humanity* all we need is *dodgy personality metric*
trapped in a rigidly heirarchical organisation obsessed with perpetual growth & profit operating under late capitalism? fear not! developments in *insert hard science* show that in this modern era *sweeping narrative abt humanity* all we need is *dodgy personality metric*
not to say i think the whole thing was completely without value but i do feel council could have better spent that $750 000
March 17, 2025 at 5:26 AM
not to say i think the whole thing was completely without value but i do feel council could have better spent that $750 000
i feel like forcing ur employees to engage with self help shit when they r not asking for it is not really ok
March 17, 2025 at 5:05 AM
i feel like forcing ur employees to engage with self help shit when they r not asking for it is not really ok
u should have seen how smug i felt when the human synergistics person turned to me in front of everyone in my workplace & asked what i'd got out of today's session & i very seriously said that it's been a lot to digest & i'm still processing
March 17, 2025 at 4:56 AM
u should have seen how smug i felt when the human synergistics person turned to me in front of everyone in my workplace & asked what i'd got out of today's session & i very seriously said that it's been a lot to digest & i'm still processing
i love how my poor embattled millionaire uncle once lashed out without consulting anyone (especially his wife who's an architect & artist) & purchased this artwork & was almost immediately shouted down by everyone in the family & had to keep it in the basement under a sheet
March 15, 2025 at 11:21 PM
i love how my poor embattled millionaire uncle once lashed out without consulting anyone (especially his wife who's an architect & artist) & purchased this artwork & was almost immediately shouted down by everyone in the family & had to keep it in the basement under a sheet
welp my trap has not been successful at trapping anything but has been successful at feeding Mystery Creature(s)
March 10, 2025 at 9:22 PM
welp my trap has not been successful at trapping anything but has been successful at feeding Mystery Creature(s)
a kitten jumped out of a trash bag & ran off at work so i snuck back in after hours to set a cat trap made out of cardboard & wire
March 8, 2025 at 8:28 AM
a kitten jumped out of a trash bag & ran off at work so i snuck back in after hours to set a cat trap made out of cardboard & wire