If you didn't like Bad Bunny doing the halftime show, you probably pour milk into a bowl before cereal and consequently should be immediately deported.
February 11, 2026 at 5:29 AM
If you didn't like Bad Bunny doing the halftime show, you probably pour milk into a bowl before cereal and consequently should be immediately deported.
@dicknixon.bsky.social Mr. President, what do you make of the two longest serving head coaches both gone and getting every call they want returned?
January 14, 2026 at 3:32 AM
@dicknixon.bsky.social Mr. President, what do you make of the two longest serving head coaches both gone and getting every call they want returned?
I hate anyone anywhere using the phrase "set ourselves up for success". I hate them, their children, their spouses, and hope they only get well done steaks, decaf coffee, and murdered.
January 8, 2026 at 3:41 AM
I hate anyone anywhere using the phrase "set ourselves up for success". I hate them, their children, their spouses, and hope they only get well done steaks, decaf coffee, and murdered.
Reposted by Marcus Woodard
“Trump cares more about running another country than this one. He’s spending money on them, not your health care.”
January 3, 2026 at 4:59 PM
“Trump cares more about running another country than this one. He’s spending money on them, not your health care.”
Reposted by Marcus Woodard
Just woke up even angrier. Impeach, convict, remove. Draft articles now. Either we have a representative government or we don’t. Do not shut up about this until there’s a vote.
January 3, 2026 at 1:48 PM
Just woke up even angrier. Impeach, convict, remove. Draft articles now. Either we have a representative government or we don’t. Do not shut up about this until there’s a vote.
Dude.
"Bulgogi Baked Potatoes"
Let's get to work.
"Bulgogi Baked Potatoes"
Let's get to work.
December 29, 2025 at 6:29 AM
Dude.
"Bulgogi Baked Potatoes"
Let's get to work.
"Bulgogi Baked Potatoes"
Let's get to work.
Just a reminder to everyone who opened nicely wrapped presents.
Be kind and generous. Because if it was wrapped nicely, that person is in fact a witch. Proceed with caution.
Be kind and generous. Because if it was wrapped nicely, that person is in fact a witch. Proceed with caution.
December 27, 2025 at 3:52 AM
Just a reminder to everyone who opened nicely wrapped presents.
Be kind and generous. Because if it was wrapped nicely, that person is in fact a witch. Proceed with caution.
Be kind and generous. Because if it was wrapped nicely, that person is in fact a witch. Proceed with caution.
I don't believe you can go to both Dubai and Heaven
Dubai: Because fleeing to Caracas is SO 1986.
Dubai: Because fleeing to Caracas is SO 1986.
December 24, 2025 at 5:17 AM
I don't believe you can go to both Dubai and Heaven
Dubai: Because fleeing to Caracas is SO 1986.
Dubai: Because fleeing to Caracas is SO 1986.
Friendly reminder: If you can fold a fitted sheet, you are in fact a witch. Go wrap presents nicely and leave us mortals alone.
October 26, 2025 at 3:41 AM
Friendly reminder: If you can fold a fitted sheet, you are in fact a witch. Go wrap presents nicely and leave us mortals alone.
Hotpot is 'Self checkout HuHot'.
October 25, 2025 at 1:21 AM
Hotpot is 'Self checkout HuHot'.
Reposted by Marcus Woodard
These people who say Kirk was out there "debating," ... Jesus Christ, nobody debates. Nobody. Nobody. Nobody knows what debate is now. I learned to debate. Like the Greeks. Debate is a form of war. What Kirk did is closer to cross-examining an unprepared witness, or a talk-show host in the audience.
September 14, 2025 at 2:15 PM
These people who say Kirk was out there "debating," ... Jesus Christ, nobody debates. Nobody. Nobody. Nobody knows what debate is now. I learned to debate. Like the Greeks. Debate is a form of war. What Kirk did is closer to cross-examining an unprepared witness, or a talk-show host in the audience.
Reposted by Marcus Woodard
I got fired from the sperm bank yesterday.
Apparently you’re not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say “get a load of this guy” every time someone walks in.
Apparently you’re not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say “get a load of this guy” every time someone walks in.
August 29, 2025 at 9:25 PM
I got fired from the sperm bank yesterday.
Apparently you’re not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say “get a load of this guy” every time someone walks in.
Apparently you’re not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say “get a load of this guy” every time someone walks in.
LinkedIn is the worst social network, if for no other reason, it shows who viewed your page. I want to see how ex-coworkers are doing and say "That's one way to say 'was a micromanaging kiss ass.'."
August 16, 2025 at 3:59 AM
LinkedIn is the worst social network, if for no other reason, it shows who viewed your page. I want to see how ex-coworkers are doing and say "That's one way to say 'was a micromanaging kiss ass.'."
@dicknixon.bsky.social Mr. President, could Rubio perhaps misunderstood what he was getting into?
www.politico.com/news/2025/07...
www.politico.com/news/2025/07...
Venezuelan Little League team denied entry into US amid Trump travel ban
The team will not be able to play in the Senior League World Series in South Carolina.
www.politico.com
July 27, 2025 at 1:35 AM
@dicknixon.bsky.social Mr. President, could Rubio perhaps misunderstood what he was getting into?
www.politico.com/news/2025/07...
www.politico.com/news/2025/07...
Reposted by Marcus Woodard
If something of note was on that goddamn list, it would've leaked by now. Focus on the fact that he's raping public education, terrorizing immigrants, and allowing the idiot Kennedy boy to set public health back seventy-five years.
July 16, 2025 at 1:28 AM
If something of note was on that goddamn list, it would've leaked by now. Focus on the fact that he's raping public education, terrorizing immigrants, and allowing the idiot Kennedy boy to set public health back seventy-five years.
You: Marcus, do you like mayonnaise?
Me: No. Gross!
You: What if we add half a pound of crab meat to it and deep fry it?
Me: Oh OK, fuck yeah!
Me: No. Gross!
You: What if we add half a pound of crab meat to it and deep fry it?
Me: Oh OK, fuck yeah!
June 27, 2025 at 2:41 PM
You: Marcus, do you like mayonnaise?
Me: No. Gross!
You: What if we add half a pound of crab meat to it and deep fry it?
Me: Oh OK, fuck yeah!
Me: No. Gross!
You: What if we add half a pound of crab meat to it and deep fry it?
Me: Oh OK, fuck yeah!
Ok. I thought I was an adult. I have a house, pay for my own Netflix, Prime, etc.
Then I went to my family reunion.
Next level up is a bedroom, not (your TV room) with a bed (not a couch), and matching sheets (blanket I've had since college).
I am a fucking child.
Then I went to my family reunion.
Next level up is a bedroom, not (your TV room) with a bed (not a couch), and matching sheets (blanket I've had since college).
I am a fucking child.
June 23, 2025 at 3:12 AM
Ok. I thought I was an adult. I have a house, pay for my own Netflix, Prime, etc.
Then I went to my family reunion.
Next level up is a bedroom, not (your TV room) with a bed (not a couch), and matching sheets (blanket I've had since college).
I am a fucking child.
Then I went to my family reunion.
Next level up is a bedroom, not (your TV room) with a bed (not a couch), and matching sheets (blanket I've had since college).
I am a fucking child.
Where's Secretary Kennedy on the biggest scam from Big Food of all?
Sweet potato fries are NOT worth an upcharge.
Sweet potato fries are NOT worth an upcharge.
June 13, 2025 at 12:00 AM
Where's Secretary Kennedy on the biggest scam from Big Food of all?
Sweet potato fries are NOT worth an upcharge.
Sweet potato fries are NOT worth an upcharge.
Reposted by Marcus Woodard
‘What matters is precisely this: the unspoken on the edge of the spoken.’ - Virginia Woolf
I have half a mind to develop a class about this, I’m pretty sick of reading new plays where people say what they mean all the time, and at length 🙄
I have half a mind to develop a class about this, I’m pretty sick of reading new plays where people say what they mean all the time, and at length 🙄
May 15, 2025 at 1:05 AM
‘What matters is precisely this: the unspoken on the edge of the spoken.’ - Virginia Woolf
I have half a mind to develop a class about this, I’m pretty sick of reading new plays where people say what they mean all the time, and at length 🙄
I have half a mind to develop a class about this, I’m pretty sick of reading new plays where people say what they mean all the time, and at length 🙄
Malort is now communion wine.
May 8, 2025 at 6:08 PM
Malort is now communion wine.
There is great appetite for the far right in this country. It can’t be minimized or ignored. The one thing that might prevent it taking hold is the refusal to spend money. I’ve said it before. You can’t promise nationalism while making people poorer.
April 30, 2025 at 1:27 PM
Taco egg rolls.
Someone get on this and make it a thing.
Someone get on this and make it a thing.
April 30, 2025 at 4:36 AM
Taco egg rolls.
Someone get on this and make it a thing.
Someone get on this and make it a thing.
If you're committed to doing something profoundly stupid, you need to have Matt on your team. He will make sure that you do it in a way that doesn't ruin your business, make everyone look for new jobs, and have everyone hate you, your team, your spouses, pets, and children.
April 27, 2025 at 5:33 AM
If you're committed to doing something profoundly stupid, you need to have Matt on your team. He will make sure that you do it in a way that doesn't ruin your business, make everyone look for new jobs, and have everyone hate you, your team, your spouses, pets, and children.
Half of these names I believe are old timey cocktails.
Here’s the field for the 2025 Kentucky Derby! #RacingSky 🏇
April 27, 2025 at 5:13 AM
Half of these names I believe are old timey cocktails.