Just call me Les.
@lesmartin.bsky.social
Left leaning, anti Brexit, I will post rubbish jokes, you have been warned!
I got a pamphlet through my door today, all about pedigree male geese, but it was just propaganda
November 26, 2025 at 9:26 PM
I got a pamphlet through my door today, all about pedigree male geese, but it was just propaganda
A doctor said to me "If you carry on drinking that beer, you'll end up in hospital."
He did have a point, it was his pint...
He did have a point, it was his pint...
November 26, 2025 at 7:56 PM
A doctor said to me "If you carry on drinking that beer, you'll end up in hospital."
He did have a point, it was his pint...
He did have a point, it was his pint...
Thinking about those old paintings of the English farmlands - did those pictures ever look like they'd been cropped?
November 26, 2025 at 7:22 PM
Thinking about those old paintings of the English farmlands - did those pictures ever look like they'd been cropped?
I saw some geese flying south at quite a speed. “My Great Hurry” Birds.
November 26, 2025 at 6:58 PM
I saw some geese flying south at quite a speed. “My Great Hurry” Birds.
Funeral directors are narrow minded, when it comes to cremations.
They’re always putting people in boxes
They’re always putting people in boxes
November 26, 2025 at 2:17 PM
Funeral directors are narrow minded, when it comes to cremations.
They’re always putting people in boxes
They’re always putting people in boxes
Lost my life's research on how to cure excessive itching. Looks like I'll have to start from scratch.
November 26, 2025 at 11:28 AM
Lost my life's research on how to cure excessive itching. Looks like I'll have to start from scratch.
Unsightly chest hair? Should’ve gone to pec shavers!
November 26, 2025 at 10:35 AM
Unsightly chest hair? Should’ve gone to pec shavers!
I’ve released a record for Christmas, Duvet know it’s Christmas …
it’s a cover version
it’s a cover version
November 26, 2025 at 8:12 AM
I’ve released a record for Christmas, Duvet know it’s Christmas …
it’s a cover version
it’s a cover version
Went out with a girl with OCD. She scrubbed up well….
November 26, 2025 at 7:34 AM
Went out with a girl with OCD. She scrubbed up well….
The adult version of Operation is trying not to break a tortilla chip while dipping it into a jar of salsa.
November 25, 2025 at 7:54 PM
The adult version of Operation is trying not to break a tortilla chip while dipping it into a jar of salsa.
If really good-looking people are called "eye candy", I guess I'm somewhere in the "eye broccoli" category.
November 25, 2025 at 7:19 PM
If really good-looking people are called "eye candy", I guess I'm somewhere in the "eye broccoli" category.
The kids asked for a dog for Christmas. I thought why not. I usually do turkey or beef, but why not?
November 25, 2025 at 5:59 PM
The kids asked for a dog for Christmas. I thought why not. I usually do turkey or beef, but why not?
I still ask if they have a copy of “The Dandy” at the newsagent…
Knowing full well that the answer will Beano.
Knowing full well that the answer will Beano.
November 25, 2025 at 4:54 PM
I still ask if they have a copy of “The Dandy” at the newsagent…
Knowing full well that the answer will Beano.
Knowing full well that the answer will Beano.
I told my wife that a husband is like fine wine, we just get better with age.
The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
November 25, 2025 at 4:22 PM
I told my wife that a husband is like fine wine, we just get better with age.
The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
Samson was a powerful biblical warrior.
His father, Samsonite, was even more of a hard case.
His father, Samsonite, was even more of a hard case.
November 25, 2025 at 2:12 PM
Samson was a powerful biblical warrior.
His father, Samsonite, was even more of a hard case.
His father, Samsonite, was even more of a hard case.
It’s a little known fact that before Mother Theresa became a nun, she was a calypso singer whose surname was holeinmybucket
November 25, 2025 at 1:49 PM
It’s a little known fact that before Mother Theresa became a nun, she was a calypso singer whose surname was holeinmybucket
I renamed my toilet Jim instead of John.
People are really impressed when I tell them I go to the Jim every morning.
People are really impressed when I tell them I go to the Jim every morning.
November 25, 2025 at 8:57 AM
I renamed my toilet Jim instead of John.
People are really impressed when I tell them I go to the Jim every morning.
People are really impressed when I tell them I go to the Jim every morning.
I miss all those guillotine executions. Those were heady days.
November 24, 2025 at 9:17 PM
I miss all those guillotine executions. Those were heady days.
I've lost loads of weight recently just by wearing bread on my head..It's a loaf hat diet!..
November 24, 2025 at 8:36 PM
I've lost loads of weight recently just by wearing bread on my head..It's a loaf hat diet!..
I wish Noah would have swatted those two mosquitoes.
November 24, 2025 at 5:44 PM
I wish Noah would have swatted those two mosquitoes.
I have an irrational fear of speedbumps… but, I’m slowly getting over it.
November 24, 2025 at 2:16 PM
I have an irrational fear of speedbumps… but, I’m slowly getting over it.
I said to my wife, “Don’t be upset if someone calls you fat. You’re much bigger than that”
November 24, 2025 at 1:09 PM
I said to my wife, “Don’t be upset if someone calls you fat. You’re much bigger than that”
I've a copy of radio Times Xmas 1980, if anyone wants to know what's on tv this Xmas I will look through it for you .
November 24, 2025 at 10:52 AM
I've a copy of radio Times Xmas 1980, if anyone wants to know what's on tv this Xmas I will look through it for you .
i've got a new job fixing electric kettles, i'm in my element
November 24, 2025 at 9:41 AM
i've got a new job fixing electric kettles, i'm in my element
I knew that lizzard would grow up to be trouble, I’ve said it from the gecko
November 24, 2025 at 6:58 AM
I knew that lizzard would grow up to be trouble, I’ve said it from the gecko