Machine Pun Kelly
@kellyscaletta.bsky.social
America's Number One Punned-It.
Lifelong Dem. Left my account on Twitter for Bluer Skies. I follow back, but sometimes it takes time.
YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@KellyScaletta
Check out my Whiteboard videos and the Pun Show!
Lifelong Dem. Left my account on Twitter for Bluer Skies. I follow back, but sometimes it takes time.
YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@KellyScaletta
Check out my Whiteboard videos and the Pun Show!
He wasn't sleeping. He was "listening intensely."
On a related note, who's watching SNL this weekend.
On a related note, who's watching SNL this weekend.
December 5, 2025 at 4:11 PM
He wasn't sleeping. He was "listening intensely."
On a related note, who's watching SNL this weekend.
On a related note, who's watching SNL this weekend.
On MAGAs, Whataboutisms, and Bill Clinton
December 5, 2025 at 12:28 AM
On MAGAs, Whataboutisms, and Bill Clinton
The Maga First Line of Defense: The Ad Hominem Attack
December 5, 2025 at 12:11 AM
The Maga First Line of Defense: The Ad Hominem Attack
Just floating an idea for a new game. "Republican Monopoly." What do you think?
December 4, 2025 at 11:16 PM
Just floating an idea for a new game. "Republican Monopoly." What do you think?
Tell me you're a MAGA wife without saying, "I'm a MAGA wife."
December 2, 2025 at 10:03 PM
Tell me you're a MAGA wife without saying, "I'm a MAGA wife."
This little fucker is so fucking smug.
December 2, 2025 at 4:24 PM
This little fucker is so fucking smug.
I don't wanna brag, but I make a mean apple pie. Even better the second day.
This was my first try at a pie crust of any kind, much less one with fresh-milled. It was a little on the crumbly side. I think I can improve.
For the filling, add a pinch of Cardamom for some pop.
This was my first try at a pie crust of any kind, much less one with fresh-milled. It was a little on the crumbly side. I think I can improve.
For the filling, add a pinch of Cardamom for some pop.
November 28, 2025 at 8:40 PM
I don't wanna brag, but I make a mean apple pie. Even better the second day.
This was my first try at a pie crust of any kind, much less one with fresh-milled. It was a little on the crumbly side. I think I can improve.
For the filling, add a pinch of Cardamom for some pop.
This was my first try at a pie crust of any kind, much less one with fresh-milled. It was a little on the crumbly side. I think I can improve.
For the filling, add a pinch of Cardamom for some pop.
At HEB today, and there was this organic Mary's turkey for $1.49 pound. Snatched that bad boy up, took him home, ripped out his spine, shattered his breast bone, and rubbed salt over him.
Now he's dry-brining in my fridge.
The other dude is back in the freezer waiting for another day.
Now he's dry-brining in my fridge.
The other dude is back in the freezer waiting for another day.
November 26, 2025 at 5:48 PM
At HEB today, and there was this organic Mary's turkey for $1.49 pound. Snatched that bad boy up, took him home, ripped out his spine, shattered his breast bone, and rubbed salt over him.
Now he's dry-brining in my fridge.
The other dude is back in the freezer waiting for another day.
Now he's dry-brining in my fridge.
The other dude is back in the freezer waiting for another day.
For all in tents and porpoises...
November 24, 2025 at 3:14 PM
For all in tents and porpoises...
The important thing to ask about the whole Marjorie Taylor Greene controversy is WHY THE FUCK DO YOU ALREADY HAVE YOUR CHRISTMAS TREE UP?!?!!?
November 23, 2025 at 3:07 PM
The important thing to ask about the whole Marjorie Taylor Greene controversy is WHY THE FUCK DO YOU ALREADY HAVE YOUR CHRISTMAS TREE UP?!?!!?
If this is wrong, I don't want to be right.
November 22, 2025 at 6:43 PM
If this is wrong, I don't want to be right.
About the whole "the military can't follow unlawful orders" thing. The case we learned in basic was Mai Li. This is what it was. It was terrible.
November 21, 2025 at 4:18 AM
About the whole "the military can't follow unlawful orders" thing. The case we learned in basic was Mai Li. This is what it was. It was terrible.
I asked Grok what would happen if the polling that showed a +11 generic ballot lead held for the 2026 elections.
Bear in mind that 290 would be a veto-proof majority.
Bear in mind that 290 would be a veto-proof majority.
November 20, 2025 at 9:31 PM
I asked Grok what would happen if the polling that showed a +11 generic ballot lead held for the 2026 elections.
Bear in mind that 290 would be a veto-proof majority.
Bear in mind that 290 would be a veto-proof majority.
About the 186,000 dead people on SNAP
November 20, 2025 at 4:34 AM
About the 186,000 dead people on SNAP
Tell me you're in the files without saying you're in the files.
November 19, 2025 at 12:40 AM
Tell me you're in the files without saying you're in the files.
So here's the new fella. He just showed up at the back door saying he lives here now.
I'll take him to the vet tomorrow to see if he's chipped. I posted on all the neighborhood sites, but if we can't find an owner, we'll keep him.
He's got a white patch on his belly, so I'm thinking "Po Bear."
I'll take him to the vet tomorrow to see if he's chipped. I posted on all the neighborhood sites, but if we can't find an owner, we'll keep him.
He's got a white patch on his belly, so I'm thinking "Po Bear."
November 18, 2025 at 3:12 AM
So here's the new fella. He just showed up at the back door saying he lives here now.
I'll take him to the vet tomorrow to see if he's chipped. I posted on all the neighborhood sites, but if we can't find an owner, we'll keep him.
He's got a white patch on his belly, so I'm thinking "Po Bear."
I'll take him to the vet tomorrow to see if he's chipped. I posted on all the neighborhood sites, but if we can't find an owner, we'll keep him.
He's got a white patch on his belly, so I'm thinking "Po Bear."
This is actually how the article starts.
November 16, 2025 at 3:52 AM
This is actually how the article starts.
*Record scratch*
*Freeze frame*
So I suppose you're wondering how I got here.
*Freeze frame*
So I suppose you're wondering how I got here.
November 7, 2025 at 2:59 AM
*Record scratch*
*Freeze frame*
So I suppose you're wondering how I got here.
*Freeze frame*
So I suppose you're wondering how I got here.
The reality is that turkey prices have been slashed to the point of taking a loss on it to get customers in the store. This is a sale, not a change in conditions.
November 6, 2025 at 3:35 AM
The reality is that turkey prices have been slashed to the point of taking a loss on it to get customers in the store. This is a sale, not a change in conditions.
So I made these brownies AND a Short to show you how to do it.
Peanut butter brownies made from fresh-milled flour, topped with berries, ice cream, whipped cream and fudge.
youtube.com/shorts/zpgDY...
Peanut butter brownies made from fresh-milled flour, topped with berries, ice cream, whipped cream and fudge.
youtube.com/shorts/zpgDY...
November 6, 2025 at 12:26 AM
So I made these brownies AND a Short to show you how to do it.
Peanut butter brownies made from fresh-milled flour, topped with berries, ice cream, whipped cream and fudge.
youtube.com/shorts/zpgDY...
Peanut butter brownies made from fresh-milled flour, topped with berries, ice cream, whipped cream and fudge.
youtube.com/shorts/zpgDY...
Ham off the bone sandwich with homemade bread from fresh-milled flour. So good!
November 5, 2025 at 9:59 PM
Ham off the bone sandwich with homemade bread from fresh-milled flour. So good!
A perfectly healthy Trump springs up the stairs like a sprightly fawn.
November 5, 2025 at 3:05 PM
A perfectly healthy Trump springs up the stairs like a sprightly fawn.
Once you see it, you can't unsee it.
November 3, 2025 at 1:44 AM
Once you see it, you can't unsee it.
This might very well be the greatest Halloween costume ever.
October 31, 2025 at 5:39 AM
This might very well be the greatest Halloween costume ever.