I'm so sorry for not being what I always tried to be, I hope they all can forget and forgive me when I'm gone

those kind people don't deserve someone who has nothing to offer

and it hurts to see the people around me, just being there, I'm so scared of the disappointment they'll get when they see me

I'm scared they'll realize how pathetic, stupid, worthless I really am behind a screen or a front I keep forcing to put up

I still come back to the same state I was before I tried

and I tried my best, I always try my best, I just can't do it

I feel like a corpse trying to live and feel something.

There are some I do feel, rage, disappointment, sadness, pleasure

Though it all falls flat and empty, I don't know what I'm doing anymore and I have no sense of direction

anywhere I go, no matter how far I trail from where I started

Sorry for this, I'll just have to try even harder next time

I really tried, and I'm really pushing myself, but I'm only pushing my luck now.

I was never lucky, I'm just pushing for nothing

and I feel like I've had too many breaks, yet I feel like I need one

I don't really know what to do, even though I've got so much.

Once I try to do anything I only feel disappointed by the outcome, or my best was just not enough, it's never enough.

Chlo please explain what this means

I don't

this is for the greater good