J
@jshoffstall.bsky.social
I will fix your rack if you'll take old Jack, my dog
Reposted by J
me: I would die for you
friend: would you give me a ride to the airport?
me: ...would you rather I die for you instead?
friend: no, the ride is enough
me: I'd prefer the other option if possible
friend: would you give me a ride to the airport?
me: ...would you rather I die for you instead?
friend: no, the ride is enough
me: I'd prefer the other option if possible
December 15, 2025 at 10:10 PM
me: I would die for you
friend: would you give me a ride to the airport?
me: ...would you rather I die for you instead?
friend: no, the ride is enough
me: I'd prefer the other option if possible
friend: would you give me a ride to the airport?
me: ...would you rather I die for you instead?
friend: no, the ride is enough
me: I'd prefer the other option if possible
Reposted by J
Learned today that “Galápagos” comes from a Spanish word for tortoise, meaning that “Galápagos Tortoise” is,
in fact,
a tortology
in fact,
a tortology
December 13, 2025 at 9:49 PM
Learned today that “Galápagos” comes from a Spanish word for tortoise, meaning that “Galápagos Tortoise” is,
in fact,
a tortology
in fact,
a tortology
Reposted by J
Getting a lot of questions that have already been answered by my tshirt. And a lot of other questions that have already been answered by my wienermobile
December 13, 2025 at 12:31 PM
Getting a lot of questions that have already been answered by my tshirt. And a lot of other questions that have already been answered by my wienermobile
Reposted by J
are you wearing your new socks so Jólakötturinn doesn't eat you
December 13, 2025 at 2:02 PM
are you wearing your new socks so Jólakötturinn doesn't eat you
Reposted by J
I sometimes wonder where the left would be if James Baldwin had been the one who got another 30 years rather than Chomsky.
December 13, 2025 at 6:45 PM
I sometimes wonder where the left would be if James Baldwin had been the one who got another 30 years rather than Chomsky.
Reposted by J
i have decade+ long friendships with people i met by chance, have sort of stayed in touch with, and only see occasionally, but with whom the emotional connection and psychological safety is so strong, it’s always like picking up as if no time has passed *while* holding space for personal growth
December 13, 2025 at 4:53 AM
i have decade+ long friendships with people i met by chance, have sort of stayed in touch with, and only see occasionally, but with whom the emotional connection and psychological safety is so strong, it’s always like picking up as if no time has passed *while* holding space for personal growth
Reposted by J
i know that neurodivergent lack of relationship decay is often seen as a bad thing, and i know it isn’t always a good thing, but
developing friendships with other people who also do not experience relationship decay has truly been such an enriching and fulfilling experience for me, and i’m grateful
developing friendships with other people who also do not experience relationship decay has truly been such an enriching and fulfilling experience for me, and i’m grateful
December 13, 2025 at 4:50 AM
i know that neurodivergent lack of relationship decay is often seen as a bad thing, and i know it isn’t always a good thing, but
developing friendships with other people who also do not experience relationship decay has truly been such an enriching and fulfilling experience for me, and i’m grateful
developing friendships with other people who also do not experience relationship decay has truly been such an enriching and fulfilling experience for me, and i’m grateful
Reposted by J
Reposted by J
Was told by a vet that you can 'probably' perform CPR on a snake, and all I could think was...
a man wearing a party hat is drinking from a bottle
Alt: A fella in a party hat blowing one of those party streamer things that unroll as you blow into them. Whether snakes give a merry toot when you do this to them isn't mentioned in the scientific literature. Yet.
media.tenor.com
December 11, 2025 at 2:00 PM
Was told by a vet that you can 'probably' perform CPR on a snake, and all I could think was...
Reposted by J
You guys, @chooface.bsky.social made us these fantastic bracelets and they come in million colors and they’re comfy and look so good an you can get them personalized! you should get some!
December 10, 2025 at 3:13 AM
You guys, @chooface.bsky.social made us these fantastic bracelets and they come in million colors and they’re comfy and look so good an you can get them personalized! you should get some!
Post evidence of a 5th Century BCE Judean cultic site not in Jerusalem if you're so elephantined.
Post yourself drunk on sour mash if you're so moonshined.
Post the noun "skeet" in such a way as to describe its case endings and how it reflects number and grammatical gender if you're so declined.
December 10, 2025 at 5:27 AM
Post evidence of a 5th Century BCE Judean cultic site not in Jerusalem if you're so elephantined.
Post the noun "skeet" in such a way as to describe its case endings and how it reflects number and grammatical gender if you're so declined.
Post a selfie holding a teacup with your pinkie extended if you're so refined.
Post a La-Z-Boy selfie if you’re so reclined
December 10, 2025 at 2:21 AM
Post the noun "skeet" in such a way as to describe its case endings and how it reflects number and grammatical gender if you're so declined.
Reposted by J
We need $50 more for buttons! Can 10 people kindly reskeet this so the 4 people with $20 can see it?
Wow. 33 backers, $1250/$1200 with 5 more days to go. I can almost feel the button backs pricking my fingers.
a green cactus with a smiling face in a pot .
Alt: A little smily cactus.
media.tenor.com
December 9, 2025 at 6:16 PM
We need $50 more for buttons! Can 10 people kindly reskeet this so the 4 people with $20 can see it?
Reposted by J
he sees you when he's seeping
December 9, 2025 at 7:13 PM
he sees you when he's seeping
This got me good, but I was lucky not to have to be hospitalized like hundreds of others. Take this seriously and check your sensor serial numbers!
Hey, diabetics! If you use Freestyle Libre 3 or 3 Plus, there's a recall of some serial numbers. Potentially serious!
Article about it: www.cbsnews.com/news/abbott-...
Freestyle site to see if you're affected - they're replacing affected sensors: www.freestylecheck.com/us-en/home.h...
Article about it: www.cbsnews.com/news/abbott-...
Freestyle site to see if you're affected - they're replacing affected sensors: www.freestylecheck.com/us-en/home.h...
Home | FreeStyle - Abbott
www.freestylecheck.com
December 8, 2025 at 3:01 PM
This got me good, but I was lucky not to have to be hospitalized like hundreds of others. Take this seriously and check your sensor serial numbers!
It's that time of year again.
theonion.com/point-counte...
theonion.com/point-counte...
Point Counterpoint: Humidity
"What We Need Is More Humidity", "Humidity Must Be Destroyed"
theonion.com
December 7, 2025 at 5:39 PM
It's that time of year again.
theonion.com/point-counte...
theonion.com/point-counte...
Listen, I'd watch a Casablanca sequel with Rick and Louis going after Nazis all around the Maghreb.
2Casa2Blanca
Netflix, which rarely carries a single movie from before 1980, wants you to know how thrilled they are to acquire that classic piece of franchise IP, Casablanca
December 6, 2025 at 8:47 PM
Listen, I'd watch a Casablanca sequel with Rick and Louis going after Nazis all around the Maghreb.
Reposted by J
BUTTONS MADE BY MY JAKE! Come on we’re so close!!!! Pleeeeeease!!!
Five $25 donations, and we get buttons.
This baby was coming down the American river rapids loose leaf and I was standing on one of them bridges that’s actually a four lane freeway.
December 6, 2025 at 1:20 AM
BUTTONS MADE BY MY JAKE! Come on we’re so close!!!! Pleeeeeease!!!
Reposted by J
Shakespeare was just like, “enough historical drama, time for Island Wizard uses his daughter as sex-bait while disciplining these two mutants”
December 5, 2025 at 2:19 AM
Shakespeare was just like, “enough historical drama, time for Island Wizard uses his daughter as sex-bait while disciplining these two mutants”
Reposted by J
However insane you remember The Tempest being, it is more insane than that.
December 5, 2025 at 2:18 AM
However insane you remember The Tempest being, it is more insane than that.
Reposted by J
ME: Ouch. So then I said, “she hot on my dog till I relish mustard,” ouch. It got like sixty likes, so I’m pretty happy with that. Ow.
ANTON CHIGURH: (tapping the end of his captive bolt pistol to make sure it’s still working) Uh huh
ME: Anyway what’s your @, we should link up. Oof. Do you smoke?
ANTON CHIGURH: (tapping the end of his captive bolt pistol to make sure it’s still working) Uh huh
ME: Anyway what’s your @, we should link up. Oof. Do you smoke?
October 17, 2024 at 4:29 AM
ME: Ouch. So then I said, “she hot on my dog till I relish mustard,” ouch. It got like sixty likes, so I’m pretty happy with that. Ow.
ANTON CHIGURH: (tapping the end of his captive bolt pistol to make sure it’s still working) Uh huh
ME: Anyway what’s your @, we should link up. Oof. Do you smoke?
ANTON CHIGURH: (tapping the end of his captive bolt pistol to make sure it’s still working) Uh huh
ME: Anyway what’s your @, we should link up. Oof. Do you smoke?
Reposted by J
Reposted by J
Reposted by J
(AP) — Steve Cropper, influential guitarist and member of Stax Records' Booker T and the MGs, has died at age 84.
December 3, 2025 at 9:53 PM
(AP) — Steve Cropper, influential guitarist and member of Stax Records' Booker T and the MGs, has died at age 84.
Reposted by J
🚨a moment ago support for the zine passed the 75% mark🚨
this is amazing! I am grounded in gratitude 💜 and experimenting with hope 🚬
tbh this is the scariest part so far because it’s all or nothing 😳 all the work could still be lost 🥹
🙏🏻 please help me keep it going
this is amazing! I am grounded in gratitude 💜 and experimenting with hope 🚬
tbh this is the scariest part so far because it’s all or nothing 😳 all the work could still be lost 🥹
🙏🏻 please help me keep it going
The Book of Karen - A Saddle Stitch Zine
When a ten year friendship collapsed into a hate-filled rant, I collaged her text messages and the art I made along way.
www.kickstarter.com
December 3, 2025 at 4:41 PM
🚨a moment ago support for the zine passed the 75% mark🚨
this is amazing! I am grounded in gratitude 💜 and experimenting with hope 🚬
tbh this is the scariest part so far because it’s all or nothing 😳 all the work could still be lost 🥹
🙏🏻 please help me keep it going
this is amazing! I am grounded in gratitude 💜 and experimenting with hope 🚬
tbh this is the scariest part so far because it’s all or nothing 😳 all the work could still be lost 🥹
🙏🏻 please help me keep it going