@Joust_A_Minute
@joustaminute.bsky.social
PTSD, Depression, anxiety. Heavily medicated for your safety.
There is no such thing as a dirty mind...
Just a sense of humour with adult content.
Twitter @Joust_A_Minute🔞
There is no such thing as a dirty mind...
Just a sense of humour with adult content.
Twitter @Joust_A_Minute🔞
Pinned
My optometrist thinks my eyes will probably improve. Unfortunately my pessometrist thinks they’ll get worse.
February 1, 2026 at 5:33 PM
My optometrist thinks my eyes will probably improve. Unfortunately my pessometrist thinks they’ll get worse.
L’Oreal have brought out a rejuvenating cream. Because you were fit.
February 1, 2026 at 5:22 PM
L’Oreal have brought out a rejuvenating cream. Because you were fit.
TOPTIP: Dieters. Liven up a healthy stir fry by adding chips, peas, gravy and a lovely pie.
February 1, 2026 at 5:19 PM
TOPTIP: Dieters. Liven up a healthy stir fry by adding chips, peas, gravy and a lovely pie.
I love those little moments you share as a couple. Like a squeeze of their hand, when they try and take too many crisps out of the packet.
February 1, 2026 at 5:11 PM
I love those little moments you share as a couple. Like a squeeze of their hand, when they try and take too many crisps out of the packet.
Nothing cures insomnia quite like realising it’s time to get up.
February 1, 2026 at 12:56 PM
Nothing cures insomnia quite like realising it’s time to get up.
Either the woman opposite me on the train is enthusiastic with her makeup, or she’s had an awful defeat in paintball.
February 1, 2026 at 12:55 PM
Either the woman opposite me on the train is enthusiastic with her makeup, or she’s had an awful defeat in paintball.
After his first two creations our Buddhist Chef perfected his evaporated milk based dish. It was his third in carnation.
February 1, 2026 at 11:39 AM
After his first two creations our Buddhist Chef perfected his evaporated milk based dish. It was his third in carnation.
My mate just asked me for advice on how to become a clown. I said “You can’t be serious”.
January 31, 2026 at 6:05 PM
My mate just asked me for advice on how to become a clown. I said “You can’t be serious”.
I see that Mary Hough has just been named as the new president of the Spoonerist’s Society.
January 30, 2026 at 6:20 PM
I see that Mary Hough has just been named as the new president of the Spoonerist’s Society.
Boss: So, tell me about your work goals for the future.
Me: To be honest I’m just happy I’ve made it to Friday without quitting.
Me: To be honest I’m just happy I’ve made it to Friday without quitting.
January 30, 2026 at 8:15 AM
Boss: So, tell me about your work goals for the future.
Me: To be honest I’m just happy I’ve made it to Friday without quitting.
Me: To be honest I’m just happy I’ve made it to Friday without quitting.
I love the phrase “bear with me” because it either means “please be patient” or “the zoo heist was a success.”
January 30, 2026 at 8:12 AM
I love the phrase “bear with me” because it either means “please be patient” or “the zoo heist was a success.”
Actions speak louder than words, but not as loud as handcuffs on a bedpost.
January 30, 2026 at 8:10 AM
Actions speak louder than words, but not as loud as handcuffs on a bedpost.
A fun thing about being a parent is when people ask “where do you see yourself in 5 years?” you can confidently answer “folding laundry”.
January 28, 2026 at 1:31 PM
A fun thing about being a parent is when people ask “where do you see yourself in 5 years?” you can confidently answer “folding laundry”.
My taxi driver just said to me “You know why I love this job? Because I’m my own boss, no-one tells me what to do”. I said “Turn left here mate”.
January 28, 2026 at 1:00 PM
My taxi driver just said to me “You know why I love this job? Because I’m my own boss, no-one tells me what to do”. I said “Turn left here mate”.
Eating healthy is pretty simple. It just requires a joint income and no kids.
January 28, 2026 at 11:15 AM
Eating healthy is pretty simple. It just requires a joint income and no kids.
When someone asks me if I’m seeing anyone, I automatically assume they’re talking about a psychiatrist.
January 28, 2026 at 11:14 AM
When someone asks me if I’m seeing anyone, I automatically assume they’re talking about a psychiatrist.
Fun Prank: Find a picture on Facebook with three of your friends and comment: “Aww! Two of my favourite people”.
January 28, 2026 at 11:07 AM
Fun Prank: Find a picture on Facebook with three of your friends and comment: “Aww! Two of my favourite people”.
I make the commute to work less boring by taking my headphones. By the time I’ve untangled them, we’ve arrived.
January 28, 2026 at 10:54 AM
I make the commute to work less boring by taking my headphones. By the time I’ve untangled them, we’ve arrived.
“What’s your biggest strength?”
“I work so professionally that I don’t even swear”
“Wow, any weaknesses?”
“I’m a f**king liar”
“I work so professionally that I don’t even swear”
“Wow, any weaknesses?”
“I’m a f**king liar”
January 27, 2026 at 11:32 PM
“What’s your biggest strength?”
“I work so professionally that I don’t even swear”
“Wow, any weaknesses?”
“I’m a f**king liar”
“I work so professionally that I don’t even swear”
“Wow, any weaknesses?”
“I’m a f**king liar”
Dr: “Have you been getting enough exercise?”
Me: “Does sex count as exercise?”
Dr: “Yes”
Me: “No”
Me: “Does sex count as exercise?”
Dr: “Yes”
Me: “No”
January 27, 2026 at 11:13 PM
Dr: “Have you been getting enough exercise?”
Me: “Does sex count as exercise?”
Dr: “Yes”
Me: “No”
Me: “Does sex count as exercise?”
Dr: “Yes”
Me: “No”
My performance with my wife last night was amazing. I lasted like 45 minutes.
Then I finally gave in and admitted she was right.
Then I finally gave in and admitted she was right.
January 27, 2026 at 11:05 PM
My performance with my wife last night was amazing. I lasted like 45 minutes.
Then I finally gave in and admitted she was right.
Then I finally gave in and admitted she was right.
I used to have a raw meat addiction, but now it’s cured.
January 27, 2026 at 10:21 AM
I used to have a raw meat addiction, but now it’s cured.
You may recognise me from such works as “Need help?”, “Before” and “Don’t let this happen to you”.
January 27, 2026 at 10:19 AM
You may recognise me from such works as “Need help?”, “Before” and “Don’t let this happen to you”.
TOPTIP: A fun game to play at the zoo is to walk hurriedly past a person and say: “They’ve escaped. Don’t run. Just walk very fast”.
January 27, 2026 at 10:12 AM
TOPTIP: A fun game to play at the zoo is to walk hurriedly past a person and say: “They’ve escaped. Don’t run. Just walk very fast”.
My date: “Is this your first time in a shisha bar?”
Me: [after nearly choking to death] “No, why”
My date: “That’s a fire extinguisher”
Me: [after nearly choking to death] “No, why”
My date: “That’s a fire extinguisher”
January 27, 2026 at 10:08 AM
My date: “Is this your first time in a shisha bar?”
Me: [after nearly choking to death] “No, why”
My date: “That’s a fire extinguisher”
Me: [after nearly choking to death] “No, why”
My date: “That’s a fire extinguisher”