*would

I wish we had a real American president who end this blathering asshat’s reign of terror once and for all.

“…until I kill the last Ukrainian.”

There, I fixed it for the terrorist.

If he doesn’t want the job, I’m sure Hakeem Jeffries would be happy to take over.

I was just complaining last week about how Jersey Mike’s sandwiches are ridiculously less impressive than they used to be. I used to go there a lot, but I won’t, anymore. So not worth it.

I agree, but I also know you spent years making it one.

If I were one of the six, I would absolutely dress up as a clown for the interview to show exactly how seriously I take this farce.

Her biggest problem is being far less relevant than she realizes.

I’m not sure how he missed “Trumplicans” or “Trumpublicans,” but I’ve always just called them “morons.”

Mitch McConnell is how we ended up here.

Ah, thanks!

Okay, sure, but has he impregnated a co-worker while still married to his second of three wives? Can he even do push-ups after a righteous keg stand like Hegseth does, bro?

I stopped dressing up for flights when airlines stopped serving meals. Feed me and I might go back.

This five years has been the longest two weeks ever.

(Insert obligatory laughter gif of your choice here)

This should go without saying, of course, but since the Supreme Court has essentially gutted judicial ethics in favor of luxury RVs and first class vacations sponsored by their corporate oligarchs, it is at least important to let the public know that such recusals are what would normally happen.

Oh, yeah, “the Kraken!” 🤣

I’m glad to be rid of her and, honestly, would have proposed paying her that outright to have left much sooner.