Thank you for the first part. We’ll just have to disagree on the second part.

I’ve struggled with whether it’s worthwhile or even appropriate to keep doing the silly things I do right now.

So I really appreciate you saying that.

That’s…unfortunately enlightening.

ACCURATE

Marshmallows + brown sugar can trick people into “liking” almost anything.

Ohhhh yeah my family called that Ambrosia salad.

It’s…interesting.

Fair. But also…

What in the hell is “watergate salad”??

I’ll accept it.

Excellent. Yes.

Aaron Rodgers = pumpkin pie

There was a time in my life when pumpkin pie seemed like the very reason Thanksgiving existed.

But taste buds change. Palettes…sophisticate. These days there are NUMEROUS other, more exotic desserts I want on T-day.

Now get that crusty ass pumpkin pie outta my face.

🍞 Tyrod Taylor = dinner rolls

Solid. Useful. But unspectacular.

Has never made the meal but has rarely ruined the day.

They’ll be decent no matter who made ‘em or what you pair ‘em with. But you’ll probably never leave the table raving about them.

🧀 Baker Mayfield = mac & cheese

Not everyone’s idea of a traditional Thanksgiving dish. And maybe you don’t plan on sitting down to a plate of it on Thursday.

But when you catch a glimpse of it out of the corner of your eye…doesn’t it get your attention? Don’t you say “ok maybe just a scoop…”

🥔 Lamar Jackson = mashed potatoes and gravy

There’s no fucking around with mashed potatoes. This is a dish that gets down to business.

Can be served as a complementary side or as the whole damn meal.

Especially great if you like your carbs like I like my fantasy points: PLENTIFUL.

🫛 Jordan Love = green bean casserole

Sneaky good but often overlooked because there are flashier dishes on the table.

Can get a little messy. Probably most appreciated in the Midwest.

Patrick Mahomes = stuffing

Easily the Thanksgiving dish with the most brand awareness. (Mahomes x Stove Top collab coming soon.)

Somehow turns the most basic kitchen ingredients into magic.

Will have you speed-walking to the table with your tongue sticking out of your mouth.

🤢 JJ McCarthy = tofurkey

I respect vegetarians. And at the end of the day, everyone’s gotta eat.

But I don’t care how much you dress up a tofurkey — douse it in seasoning, slather it in gravy — no amount of TLC is going to make it appetizing.

And it probably looks better on the way out…