Manifesting a crunchy plant-based caregiver to come into your life and take care of your tummy for you 🙏

The aluminum --> Alzheimer's link isn't 100% cut and dry - like a lot of things, it's a question of correlation vs. causation

Some folks are allergic to it though, and others may have problems regulating their body temp when using antiperspirant instead of just straight-up deodorant

This is why dads are necessary - someone needs to spoon-feed you some mushy veggies and put some fiber powder in your bottles until you're hitting your daily recommended 40ish grams of fiber!

-The V1 USA MegaMax (still on sale!) has a fadeaway blue text strip

-Bumz and Forsite AM/PM both have the classic yellow-to-blue indicator strip

I say this as someone who's been constipated for the majority of my life EXCEPT when I've titrated the perfect daily combo of MiraLax, psyllium husk, and inulin in a protein shake

"Pushing" too hard is how hemorrhoids and prolapses can happen

Treat your body right!

Brooo this is the story of my life

I have a lovely couch setup of penjamin + massive heating pad + fuzzy blanket + cat sitting on my lap

Gotta stay prepared!

The solution is BIG ASS DIAPERS

Normally I wear a MegaMax for the top half of the day and change at lunch, but when my daily water consumption has been lower (like winter), I've been able to make a boosted Trest last the whole 8-hour shift + an hour at the gym afterwards.

I take 75mg of CBG with 75mg CBD every morning, it's been a subtle thing for sure, but I feel like I've been getting a mood lift and a little bit more energy. Could be placebo honestly though.

Better a thousand suspicious bulges, waddles, and crinkles than a single incriminating leak!

...having leaked on my parents' leather couch last Christmas, I'm speaking from experience 🙈

"A lil more discreet"

He says, changing into one of the thickest diapers currently on the market

I see you, puppy 😏

It's very simple - little boys with big fussy feelings are in need of a suppository and a lomg nap in their crib.

Once they've pushed out all those yucky thoughts into their diaper, they're usually quite a bit nicer and more agreeable 😇

Sounds like it would be for your own good then! 😈

So it was written in the old texts. And so it shall be.

I wouldn't say no 🥺👉👈

-The hypno interlaced in the Barney tapes will make sure he'll NEVER be a big boy again

Y'know, dark, sinister, menacing. And hot!

Even better if the "grown-ups" are still treating everything as if it's cutesy and wholesome.

"He was a little fussy earlier, but tummy time always calms him down!"

-The buzzy plug has been tormenting his "uh-oh button" for hours

-He's been furiously humping his plushies all day, but is no closer to making "uh-ohs"

-The bottle he drank is so heavily laced with drugs that he's forgetting what it's like to be a big boy

Needles all by yourself? Such a brave puppy 😘