Kate Gray
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hownottodraw.bsky.social
Kate Gray
@hownottodraw.bsky.social
5.4K followers 490 following 3.9K posts
I write games and jokes. Sometimes both. 🇬🇧 in 🇨🇦

⌛ past: games journalist & critic @ ONM, OXM, Nintendo Life, Kotaku, The Guardian, GameSpot, Xbox, Minecraft, etc

🔮 present: games writer @ Moonstone Island, Owlchemy, & Hello Kitty Island Adventure
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hownottodraw.bsky.social
in another example of "this is too on-the-nose for fiction", rich people be hunting humans now
A screenshot of The Guardian, with the headline " ‘Are they going to eat me alive?’: trail runners become prey in newest form of hunting" and the lede "Nervous reporter is chased across English countryside by baying bloodhounds, in what could soon be only legal way to hunt with dogs". Below is a video, with a man in high-vis jacket smiling, surrounded by hunting dogs, accompanied by a man in hunting gear on horseback.
November 15, 2025 at 7:28 PM
hownottodraw.bsky.social
look at my katsu
i made it myself
a blue plate with a small pile of rice, two chicken cutlets breaded with panko breadcrumbs, and topped with a rich, thick brown curry sauce, which has been artfully draped over the rice and chicken. The sauce contains carrot chunks and thin caramelised onion slices
November 9, 2025 at 11:00 PM
hownottodraw.bsky.social
I like to think you would look like a Stretch Armstrong filled with water
A man-shaped stretchy toy called Stretch Armstrong, filled with water so that he looks like a big balloon with tiny hands and feet.
November 9, 2025 at 10:56 PM
hownottodraw.bsky.social
teeny tiny kitten concrete paws
a photo of a concrete paving slab with a tiny little line of cat paw prints going across it closeup of the pawprints. they are TINY
November 7, 2025 at 2:15 PM
hownottodraw.bsky.social
oh, and he scrunches (for portability)
the lovely bunny from the post before has scrunched up to become beautifully round
November 5, 2025 at 7:01 PM
hownottodraw.bsky.social
perfect bnuuy
a little tiny brown bunny eats grass in the shade in front of a log cabin. his little bunny ears stand straight up. he is very clearly just a little bunny guy
November 5, 2025 at 6:59 PM
hownottodraw.bsky.social
bnuuy :)
a woman in a white jumper crouches in front of a brown bunny, roaming wild on the grass of a beach side resort. a tiny baby bunny makes a big brave step out into the grass. his paw is so small and so soft and his little ears are going straight up a fluffy brown-beige bunny sits nobly in a sunbeam on the grass outside of a wooden cabin at least seven wild-ish bunnies of various colours are dotted around a lawn in front of a brown wood cabin, as the sun sets behind the trees and casts long, yellow shadows
November 2, 2025 at 11:10 PM
hownottodraw.bsky.social
Please appreciate the charmingly terrible poetry on the back of this pita bread. The English doesn't scan, the french doesn't rhyme, and I'm sorry but who is eating pitas with beans and plum jam
a poem on the back of a pitta bread package. I can't write the whole thing out but here are some choice lines: Lebanese breads the new way to a fine meal today topped with beans it's a treat served with plum jam so sweet good with soup kids agree mom enjoys it for tea it's delicious with cheese or caviar if you please
November 2, 2025 at 1:16 PM
hownottodraw.bsky.social
Demi Lovato went as Poot for Halloween 😭
Demi Lovato, a non-binary person with white skin, brown eyes, and an almost-shaved head, poses in unflattering washed out light to imitate "Poot", an edited image of them that people said was Demi's twin sister that they locked in a basement. This is an image of "Poot", an unflattering picture of Demi Lovato that has been edited to look even worse. Poot looks like a potato caught in a car's headlights. Another picture of Demi Lovato pretending to be Poot escaping from the basement. Poot is wearing a grey dress and long nails, and posing like they are creeping through the shadows
October 31, 2025 at 1:26 PM
hownottodraw.bsky.social
I just found the best sticker in my local neighbourhood witch shop
a sticker featuring several multicolour clouds. the biggest one in the middle says "cloud computing" and the four around it all say "your text here"
October 29, 2025 at 2:35 PM
hownottodraw.bsky.social
I have a lot of questions about the Teletubbies reboot, as I'm sure we all do, but my main question is "who decided that the Teletubbies would make good parents"
Teletubby babies. they are CGI and very creepy, with big eyes and tiny antennae
October 28, 2025 at 1:00 AM
hownottodraw.bsky.social
crumpy
four beautiful crumpets laid out on a cooling rack
October 26, 2025 at 3:00 PM
hownottodraw.bsky.social
I MADE CRUMPETS!!!!!!!!!
two metal crumpet rings on a cast iron filled with gently bubbling batter two finished crumpets on a wire rack cooling off. they are gloriously bubbly and have a gentle blush of colour on top, from toasting them upside down in the pan
October 26, 2025 at 2:54 PM
hownottodraw.bsky.social
please vote:

A: My Melody skinned My Sweet Piano to wear her as overalls

B: My Sweet Piano is piloting My Melody like a mech

C: My Melody is carrying tiny My Sweet Piano around in her marsupial pouch
a plush of My Melody, a Sanrio character with pink bunny ears and a sweet happy face. she is wearing fluffy pink overalls with the face of her friend, My Sweet Piano, on the torso.
October 25, 2025 at 1:08 PM
hownottodraw.bsky.social
I think I've gone a little too far down the rabbithole on Sims 4 mods
A screenshot of a website that has patch notes for a Sims 4 mod. The note reads "decreased the amount of times Bhad Bhabie will yell "catch me outside, how about dat?" For reference: Bhad Bhabie (pronounced "bad baby", yeah, I know) is the rap name of the girl who went viral for being belligerent on Dr Phil, during an episode where her mother wanted her to stop stealing. She (Bhad Bhabie) yelled at the audience for laughing at her, saying, "cash me ousside, how bout dah" which people evidently found funny enough to make it go viral, which she then spun into a rap career. And also, a Sims 4 mod appearance, I guess.
October 23, 2025 at 8:04 PM
hownottodraw.bsky.social
I'm considering getting a dog. like, a fresh one. baby puppy type.

I need a bunch of dog owners to either talk me into it, or out of it, with your best pros and worst cons. also, photos. for research.

in exchange, here is a photo of my sweet old lady Lizzie (who lives with my dad)
a black cocker spaniel on a living room rug with her mouth wide open in a goofy grin.
October 22, 2025 at 2:55 PM
hownottodraw.bsky.social
this stack of puffy pitta breads is the most aesthetically pleasing thing to me. step aside, art: I'm all about puffy pitta bread stacks now
a stack of five very squishy looking pitta breads in a plastic bag. they look soft and so puffy, like they would be good to nap on
October 20, 2025 at 5:18 PM
hownottodraw.bsky.social
cheese has bones?!
a photo of a dog treat called "cheese bones". it is actually just very very very hard cheese for a dog to chew on.
October 19, 2025 at 2:48 PM
hownottodraw.bsky.social
ozempicachu...
a side by side of pikachu's design before, which is plump and pleasing to look at, and his new proposed design, which is skinny and big-headed in the way people on ozempic look
October 15, 2025 at 2:50 PM
hownottodraw.bsky.social
[UNBOXING] AMAZING!! YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT WAS INSIDE THIS MYSTERY OUTDOOR BRIEFCASE!!!
October 15, 2025 at 2:44 PM
hownottodraw.bsky.social
Some new lines in Hello Kitty Island Adventure that I wrote! Writerly insight in the alt text (along with actual descriptive alt text)
A screenshot of Hello Kitty Island Adventure. Cinnamoroll is saying "Or think about things..." and the character can reply with one of the following: 1. The meaning of life? 2. Quantum mechanics? 3. World peace? 4. Fermat's Last Theorem? Writerly insight: I love to write jokes that imply that Cinnamoroll is actually incredibly smart and just never gets the opportunity to use it, because he's usually cast as a very childlike puppy who loves making friends and being cute. Secretly, at least in my head, he's winning Nobel Prizes for physics. A screenshot of Hello Kitty Island Adventure. TOPHAT, a glitchy character with a big purple tophat, says "I don't feel like my performance has really... changed in any way." You can reply "gotta boost that FPS" or "do we have a VSync setting?" Writerly insight: TOPHAT is the character with the most potential for self-aware "oh my god we're in a video game" jokes, I think, especially as he isn't an actual Sanrio character, so we can have more fun with him. This quest, called Bug Report, is an inside joke from the developers to the players, in which TOPHAT tries to figure out what a "bug report" is, by catching bugs, because he's heard that "getting rid of bugs" improves your performance and speed, which he likes the sound of. You, the player, obviously know what it means, so you suggest things that might ACTUALLY improve performance. Get it? A screenshot of Hello Kitty Island Adventure. Chococat is saying "A combination of reverse-wise concave extrusion and shrinking meshes." Writerly insight: I love when characters spout sciencey jargon. Chococat is the "smart guy", so I usually give it to him. This particular sciencey jargon is pulled from 3D modelling, combined with nonsense. What is "reverse-wise"? Who knows, but it sounds smart, and that's what's important. A screenshot of Hello Kitty Island Adventure. Pompompurin says (about pizza) "Do you fold yours? I like to roll mine up and eat it like a tube." The player can respond: 1. I fold 2. I roll 3. I start with the crust 4. I just eat it normally? Writerly insight: It's always fun to offer the player a chance to go along with the wacky nonsense that happens in the game, where everyone is just a little bit silly. I wanted to come up with several ways to eat pizza like a maniac, including at least one that I have seen someone do in real life (the crust one). I think it's also fun to have the player play the Straight Man role in their responses, where everyone else is being completely chaotic, and you can be the one to gently point out that they've all gone mad. Hence the last response.
October 13, 2025 at 5:01 PM
hownottodraw.bsky.social
hmmm do I open the mystery outdoor briefcase
a wooden briefcase on the verge outside of a house in a suburban neighbourhood
October 13, 2025 at 11:50 AM
hownottodraw.bsky.social
yaaaay time for one of my favourite fun facts: brassicas are the wacky dog breeds of the plant world
October 13, 2025 at 1:05 AM
hownottodraw.bsky.social
so, uh, I guess the studio responded to this by replacing their website art!

(not gonna lie, I'm torn between "lol, lmao" and "hm, that's a bit of an immature response from a professional game studio")
A screenshot of the Sackbird website that shows their social media icons replaced with intentionally bad MS Paint-style art A screenshot of the Sackbird website which used to have an AI-generated skyline of Baltimore, and now has an intentionally shitty bunch of brown boxes labelled as "Fort McHenry" and "Sackbird Studios" in Comic Sans. It has clearly been drawn in MS Paint in about 5 minutes
October 10, 2025 at 6:34 PM
hownottodraw.bsky.social
the art on their website is also blatantly AI (check out the American flag in the bottom left, which has a blue stripe all the way down, and the tower's fence, which is all garbled)
an image from the Sackbird website showing an orange-hued city block with skyscrapers and birds flying by. If you look closely, you can see artifacts of AI image generation, like a messy, garbled fence, weird shapes, and an incorrect flag
October 9, 2025 at 8:06 PM