I don’t know man. I wish I could put all this enthusiasm ànd willingness to be someone’s friend into someone that genuinely wanted to be my friend and not someone that probably doesn’t even like me. It’s so like. whatever but it’s been chewing at me since yesterday I can’t stand this shit

It’s especially shittty because like, if you were genuinely a friend to me I probably would give you the things you asked for. You’re not even looking the fact that I can barely make ends meet with my resources you just wana take ànd take and take ànd not even talk to me after the fact!!!!!

Like Ive given up really even trying for tbe most part but holy shit. I’m so glad xilas is moving back because the fact that person is the only local person I know kind of makes me reallllly sad. I deserve friends that don’t want to use me

and a good friend and eventually just. talk. to me. and they’ll want to be friends as much as I want to be friends. but they haven’t. And they probably won’t. And I don’t have the self respect to kick them to the curb because I naively believe in the good of people. And it’s kind of sad really

I can’t even bring myself to be frustrated. I will be okay. I can stomach someone not caring about me anymore.

I’m so tired I’m so fucking sick and tired I thought things were going so fucking well holy shit

as the days draw in im thinking that more and more its time that I just close myself off for a week so i can put my barriers up more strongly

I will fade away into obscurity I guess. they all leave. they always do.