looking forward to your merch (FMC doesn't count)

But also, this may be one of the best conflict-of-interest statements ever?

I talk myself out of getting stuff like this because "I can just use a few rolls of b&w film instead" which is an excellent demonstration of the human capacity for self-deception

the cats think this is great because the wood stove is going 24/7

tired of the cold, tired of going outside in the cold, tired of going outside so little, tired of being out of eggs again

Brilliant. My jaw literally dropped when I got to the first "recommendation"

i'm being flip but when i think about the guys who are gassing preschools and putting children in camps and killing people both on and off camera--complaining about WHISTLES--i understand why dante was like no, we need way more kinds of hell. at least nine

There are probably a number of expectations about the speed of communication hard-coded in a lot of pretty fundamental places in our government that could be updated now that information can move faster than horses.

I feel like I could use this in response to a lot of situations

We are taking higher than normal call volume. Your scream is important to us. An abyss will be assigned to you in the order in which your scream was received

For the aesthetically pleasing Zoom background

man it hurts to press like on this

In the grim darkness of the future there are only influencers

This sounds like a genre Paradox has not yet entered

Oil on the beard always weirds me out

Definitely "GM advice" territory