The Halfway Post
@halfwaypost.bsky.social
Graffiti news. Halfway true comedy and satire by Dash MacIntyre—I don't report the facts, I improve them. Comedy is cathartic in fascist eras such as ours.
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BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly worried Kash Patel will immediately start an Epstein Files themed podcast if he gets fired.
November 26, 2025 at 7:11 PM
BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly worried Kash Patel will immediately start an Epstein Files themed podcast if he gets fired.
Why I write nonstop Trump comedy
The Halfway Post's Dada News Manifesto
A guide for what my Dadaist graffiti news is all about!
thehalfwaycafe.substack.com
November 26, 2025 at 2:57 PM
Why I write nonstop Trump comedy
BREAKING: Kash Patel is reportedly worried his girlfriend will dump him when he gets fired by Donald Trump.
November 26, 2025 at 12:28 AM
BREAKING: Kash Patel is reportedly worried his girlfriend will dump him when he gets fired by Donald Trump.
BREAKING: The House Republicans who want to retire early because of Trump's chaos and threats of violence are reportedly racing each other to finalize their resignations to avoid being the last one who will hand control of the House over to Democrats.
November 25, 2025 at 10:09 PM
BREAKING: The House Republicans who want to retire early because of Trump's chaos and threats of violence are reportedly racing each other to finalize their resignations to avoid being the last one who will hand control of the House over to Democrats.
Get 'em, ladies!
A "Women's Project 2029" For Revenge On MAGA Misogyny
Conservative men hate it when women fight back.
thehalfwaycafe.substack.com
November 25, 2025 at 8:37 PM
Get 'em, ladies!
BREAKING: To distract from the Epstein crisis, Pam Bondi will soon begin investigating anyone who calls Donald Trump the following names on social media: VonShitzenpants, Diaper Don, Mushroom Man, the Senile Penile, Roast Beef Boy, Epstein’s BFF, or the Short-Fingered Vulgarian.
November 25, 2025 at 6:46 PM
BREAKING: To distract from the Epstein crisis, Pam Bondi will soon begin investigating anyone who calls Donald Trump the following names on social media: VonShitzenpants, Diaper Don, Mushroom Man, the Senile Penile, Roast Beef Boy, Epstein’s BFF, or the Short-Fingered Vulgarian.
BREAKING: Pete Hegseth reportedly wants to challenge Senator Mark Kelly to a pull-up competition, but is worried it might smear his makeup.
November 25, 2025 at 5:23 PM
BREAKING: Pete Hegseth reportedly wants to challenge Senator Mark Kelly to a pull-up competition, but is worried it might smear his makeup.
BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly furious that more Republicans are thinking about retiring from Congress at the end of the year because just a few could switch majority power to the Democrats and lead to investigations of his administration much earlier than expected.
November 25, 2025 at 4:48 AM
BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly furious that more Republicans are thinking about retiring from Congress at the end of the year because just a few could switch majority power to the Democrats and lead to investigations of his administration much earlier than expected.
BREAKING: Protesters outside the White House keep blaring the Amber Alert sound effect from a bullhorn every time Donald Trump steps out of the White House to get on Marine One.
November 24, 2025 at 11:49 PM
BREAKING: Protesters outside the White House keep blaring the Amber Alert sound effect from a bullhorn every time Donald Trump steps out of the White House to get on Marine One.
BREAKING: A new poll shows 81% of Arizonans disprove of Trump feuding with the veterans they keep electing to the Senate—first John McCain now Mark Kelly.
November 24, 2025 at 10:47 PM
BREAKING: A new poll shows 81% of Arizonans disprove of Trump feuding with the veterans they keep electing to the Senate—first John McCain now Mark Kelly.
BREAKING: A new study found that 40% of MAGA fans on Twitter have no human followers, and the only people who interact with their posts are bots or propaganda accounts from India, Nigeria, and Russia.
November 24, 2025 at 9:08 PM
BREAKING: A new study found that 40% of MAGA fans on Twitter have no human followers, and the only people who interact with their posts are bots or propaganda accounts from India, Nigeria, and Russia.
BREAKING: Olivia Nuzzi claims she and RFK Jr. had a threesome with the brain worm.
November 24, 2025 at 8:29 PM
BREAKING: Olivia Nuzzi claims she and RFK Jr. had a threesome with the brain worm.
Project 2025's agenda is ramping up its culture warring
Trump's Most Awful Priorities For 2026
Project 2025 is ramping up its culture wars next year.
thehalfwaycafe.substack.com
November 24, 2025 at 6:41 PM
Project 2025's agenda is ramping up its culture warring
BREAKING: Several Gen Z teens reportedly had their phones confiscated at Mar-a-Lago this weekend by their parents because they kept playing the Amber Alert sound every time Donald Trump made an appearance.
November 24, 2025 at 3:15 AM
BREAKING: Several Gen Z teens reportedly had their phones confiscated at Mar-a-Lago this weekend by their parents because they kept playing the Amber Alert sound every time Donald Trump made an appearance.
Very fitting for this Nosferatu imitator
Stephen Miller Has Reportedly Started Sleeping At Night In A Coffin
This week's Dada News headlines!
thehalfwaycafe.substack.com
November 23, 2025 at 9:16 PM
Very fitting for this Nosferatu imitator
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The Halfway Café Is Offering 50% Off Of Paid Subscribers For $2.50/Month!
Hey, everyone, I’m offering 50% off of paid subscriptions for The Halfway Café to celebrate the many positive news developments this week:
thehalfwaycafe.substack.com
November 23, 2025 at 8:24 PM
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BREAKING: A televangelist from Louisiana claims Taylor Swift's new album is "brainwashing an army of young women and girls into feminist freedom fighters to someday conquer the United States and enslave all the men and peg them."
November 23, 2025 at 6:24 PM
BREAKING: A televangelist from Louisiana claims Taylor Swift's new album is "brainwashing an army of young women and girls into feminist freedom fighters to someday conquer the United States and enslave all the men and peg them."
BREAKING: JD Vance reportedly feels "betrayed" because of how many of his favorite white supremacist Twitter accounts that post about preserving American heritage with federal xenophobia have turned out to be operating out of Africa, India, and Russia.
November 23, 2025 at 5:23 PM
BREAKING: JD Vance reportedly feels "betrayed" because of how many of his favorite white supremacist Twitter accounts that post about preserving American heritage with federal xenophobia have turned out to be operating out of Africa, India, and Russia.
BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly having trouble convincing staffers to do shady, illegal things because they are reading the polling tea leaves and fear Democrats will win a big majority in the midterms and investigate and prosecute them.
November 23, 2025 at 1:51 AM
BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly having trouble convincing staffers to do shady, illegal things because they are reading the polling tea leaves and fear Democrats will win a big majority in the midterms and investigate and prosecute them.
Trump's stench strikes again!
A Saudi Prince Said On A Hot Mic "Trump Smells Worse Than My Camel"
This week's Dada News headlines!
thehalfwaycafe.substack.com
November 22, 2025 at 4:38 PM
Trump's stench strikes again!
BREAKING: Kash Patel is reportedly starting to worry people don’t take him seriously.
November 21, 2025 at 8:15 PM
BREAKING: Kash Patel is reportedly starting to worry people don’t take him seriously.
He can't hide it.
Donald Trump Can No Longer Hide His Dementia
Yesterday, in a press conference, Donald Trump did the following:
thehalfwaycafe.substack.com
November 21, 2025 at 3:03 AM
He can't hide it.
BREAKING: After Karoline Leavitt said Trump was “frank, open, and honest" to call a woman "Piggy," a reporter told her, "Okay, your boss doesn't have enough clown makeup to conceal his manboobs, recent stroke, or rap sheet of raping girls with Epstein. That frank enough for you?"
November 21, 2025 at 1:50 AM
BREAKING: After Karoline Leavitt said Trump was “frank, open, and honest" to call a woman "Piggy," a reporter told her, "Okay, your boss doesn't have enough clown makeup to conceal his manboobs, recent stroke, or rap sheet of raping girls with Epstein. That frank enough for you?"
Pam Bondi is a reminder for every little girl with a dream to be a lawyer that, if they work hard enough, one day in the future they can help a global sex-trafficking ring of pedophiles escape justice and accountability.
November 20, 2025 at 11:30 PM
Pam Bondi is a reminder for every little girl with a dream to be a lawyer that, if they work hard enough, one day in the future they can help a global sex-trafficking ring of pedophiles escape justice and accountability.
BREAKING: A Congresswoman says she'll start listing the names of Trump's Epstein friends on the House floor where her speech is protected, and if any of those Epstein associates want to not be named they can send her signed affidavits ratting out Trump's crimes they witnessed.
November 20, 2025 at 9:29 PM
BREAKING: A Congresswoman says she'll start listing the names of Trump's Epstein friends on the House floor where her speech is protected, and if any of those Epstein associates want to not be named they can send her signed affidavits ratting out Trump's crimes they witnessed.