The Halfway Post
@halfwaypost.bsky.social
Dadaist graffiti news. Halfway true comedy and satire for your doomscrolling by Dash MacIntyre. I don't report the facts, I improve them.
Check out my Substack: https://substack.com/@thehalfwaycafe
Check out my Substack: https://substack.com/@thehalfwaycafe
From the deranged paranoid mind of a conservative.
A Day In The Life Of A Liberal
How Republicans think Democrats live.
thehalfwaycafe.substack.com
December 12, 2025 at 1:16 AM
From the deranged paranoid mind of a conservative.
BREAKING: Joe Biden just challenged Donald Trump to a public cognitive test competition filmed live on CNN.
December 12, 2025 at 12:14 AM
BREAKING: Joe Biden just challenged Donald Trump to a public cognitive test competition filmed live on CNN.
BREAKING: Doctors are reportedly worried Donald Trump's dementia will soon require everyone in the White House to begin wearing name tags.
December 11, 2025 at 11:11 PM
BREAKING: Doctors are reportedly worried Donald Trump's dementia will soon require everyone in the White House to begin wearing name tags.
BREAKING: Donald Trump reportedly feels that Kristi Noem's plastic surgery has gone too far, and she’s no longer hot enough to warrant the legal problems she’s creating for his administration.
December 11, 2025 at 10:00 PM
BREAKING: Donald Trump reportedly feels that Kristi Noem's plastic surgery has gone too far, and she’s no longer hot enough to warrant the legal problems she’s creating for his administration.
BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly pissed that Indiana Republicans are immediately calling his bluff and calling him "TACO Trump" after he threatened to withhold all federal funding from their state if they didn't pass a gerrymandered redistricting map.
December 11, 2025 at 8:40 PM
BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly pissed that Indiana Republicans are immediately calling his bluff and calling him "TACO Trump" after he threatened to withhold all federal funding from their state if they didn't pass a gerrymandered redistricting map.
BREAKING: Mitch McConnell secretly died 3 months ago.
December 11, 2025 at 7:27 PM
BREAKING: Mitch McConnell secretly died 3 months ago.
BREAKING: Top Republican officials are reportedly pissed Mike Lindell is running for Minnesota governor because, once again, they'll have a lunatic candidate whose insanity attracts GOP primary voters so he'll win the nomination before getting destroyed in the general election.
December 11, 2025 at 6:37 PM
BREAKING: Top Republican officials are reportedly pissed Mike Lindell is running for Minnesota governor because, once again, they'll have a lunatic candidate whose insanity attracts GOP primary voters so he'll win the nomination before getting destroyed in the general election.
BREAKING: RFK Jr. is reportedly pissed that his strategy of doing nothing to stop the measles outbreak in South Carolina isn’t working.
December 11, 2025 at 4:36 PM
BREAKING: RFK Jr. is reportedly pissed that his strategy of doing nothing to stop the measles outbreak in South Carolina isn’t working.
BREAKING: Donald Trump reportedly had a fecal accident during his MRI scan last week.
December 11, 2025 at 3:32 PM
BREAKING: Donald Trump reportedly had a fecal accident during his MRI scan last week.
BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly asking around if it looks suspicious that, every time the Epstein Files clear another hurdle to be released, he posts a long, meandering Truth Social post begging everyone to remember how he’s the greatest president ever.
December 11, 2025 at 12:50 AM
BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly asking around if it looks suspicious that, every time the Epstein Files clear another hurdle to be released, he posts a long, meandering Truth Social post begging everyone to remember how he’s the greatest president ever.
BREAKING: Trump staffers are reportedly worried about firing Kristi Noem because she always has a gun on her.
December 10, 2025 at 10:40 PM
BREAKING: Trump staffers are reportedly worried about firing Kristi Noem because she always has a gun on her.
BREAKING: Senate Democrats are reportedly offering Donald Trump the deal Trump offered to Venezuela’s Maduro where Trump can have amnesty and keep $200 million if he leaves the US and lives the rest of his life in Russia or Qatar.
December 10, 2025 at 9:40 PM
BREAKING: Senate Democrats are reportedly offering Donald Trump the deal Trump offered to Venezuela’s Maduro where Trump can have amnesty and keep $200 million if he leaves the US and lives the rest of his life in Russia or Qatar.
BREAKING: A MAGA fan says he feels duped after going deep into debt spending $7,000 on a used car expecting Donald Trump to follow through on his administration's promises that they'd give out $5,000 D.O.G.E. checks and $2,000 tariff checks this year.
December 10, 2025 at 8:35 PM
BREAKING: A MAGA fan says he feels duped after going deep into debt spending $7,000 on a used car expecting Donald Trump to follow through on his administration's promises that they'd give out $5,000 D.O.G.E. checks and $2,000 tariff checks this year.
A comedy for the geezers clinging to their power and money.
To All The Boomer Politicians Who Won't Retire
A comedy piece about old politicians who die in office.
thehalfwaycafe.substack.com
December 10, 2025 at 7:28 PM
A comedy for the geezers clinging to their power and money.
BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly furious that Republicans are privately calling him “Kryptonite” for their campaigns because his incredibly low approval ratings are wiping out voter turnout in special elections even in super red states.
December 10, 2025 at 6:11 PM
BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly furious that Republicans are privately calling him “Kryptonite” for their campaigns because his incredibly low approval ratings are wiping out voter turnout in special elections even in super red states.
BREAKING: Fox News hosts just invented an entirely fictional, made up culture war insult no one has ever Googled or even thought about before, and is now furiously angry about it.
December 10, 2025 at 5:09 PM
BREAKING: Fox News hosts just invented an entirely fictional, made up culture war insult no one has ever Googled or even thought about before, and is now furiously angry about it.
You go, girl.
Melania Trump's Latest Book Spills Some Of Donald's Tea
Melania Trump has a new book coming out titled I Don’t Really Read, Do U? and early reviewers are expressing shock at how negatively she writes about her husband, President Donald Trump.
thehalfwaycafe.substack.com
December 10, 2025 at 4:40 AM
You go, girl.
BREAKING: Local soybean farmers say they wish there had been some warning that Donald Trump's tariffs would be bad for them prior to voting to reelect him in 2024.
December 9, 2025 at 9:32 PM
BREAKING: Local soybean farmers say they wish there had been some warning that Donald Trump's tariffs would be bad for them prior to voting to reelect him in 2024.
BREAKING: A farmer pissed with Trump for ruining America's pork exports with his tariffs reportedly just let loose a dozen pigs on Trump's New Jersey golf course.
December 9, 2025 at 7:12 PM
BREAKING: A farmer pissed with Trump for ruining America's pork exports with his tariffs reportedly just let loose a dozen pigs on Trump's New Jersey golf course.
BREAKING: Mike Johnson is reportedly beginning to worry that God does not have big, historic plans for his Speakership.
December 9, 2025 at 6:09 PM
BREAKING: Mike Johnson is reportedly beginning to worry that God does not have big, historic plans for his Speakership.
We operate on an all-you-can-believe basis!
Come Cherrypick Your Beliefs At The Christian Cafeteria!
We operate on an all-you-can-believe basis!
thehalfwaycafe.substack.com
December 9, 2025 at 4:52 PM
We operate on an all-you-can-believe basis!
BREAKING: Doctors are reportedly baffled how Trump’s dementia is making him forget everything except how much he hates female reporters.
December 9, 2025 at 3:41 PM
BREAKING: Doctors are reportedly baffled how Trump’s dementia is making him forget everything except how much he hates female reporters.
Sleepy Trump is looking more demented by the day
Are You Ready For JD Vance To Succeed Donald Trump?
A serious piece for a change—2/3rds is paywalled.
thehalfwaycafe.substack.com
December 9, 2025 at 4:44 AM
Sleepy Trump is looking more demented by the day
BREAKING: A new perfume called “Essence of Trump” made several of its smell testers vomit because of how accurate it is to Trump’s infamous stench.
December 9, 2025 at 1:47 AM
BREAKING: A new perfume called “Essence of Trump” made several of its smell testers vomit because of how accurate it is to Trump’s infamous stench.