Surprised Eel Historian, PhD
LightNews LightNews
banner
greenleejw.bsky.social
Surprised Eel Historian, PhD
@greenleejw.bsky.social
28K followers 330 following 7.9K posts
Surprised historian, not surprised eels.

Doctor of medieval things. Talkin’ eels, history, and maps. Spaniel mourner. Alt-text artist.

I draw custom maps and artwork on commission:
https://surprisedeelmaps.com/

Support me here: patreon.com/SurprisedEel
Posts Replies Media Videos
greenleejw.bsky.social
Medieval English laws categorized eels by size. The most common types were:

Pimpernell / Pimper eels: very small
Shaft / Dole eels: medium
Stub eels: larger
Red: ??

No one knows for sure what red eels were. But they were bad, & customs officers threw them out if they found any.
🗃️🧪
Meme. Book cover from "The Adventures of the Scarlet Pimpernel." The title of the book is scrawled across the top, with "The Adventures of" in small yellow letters, and "The Scarlet Pimpernel" in large red letters, in a font with aggressive serifs. The title is set against a dark red sky. Below the title, on the left, is a setting sun behind an ominous guillotine, it's blade ascending to its moment of doom. On the right side is a castle tower, tinted blood red by the sun (and possibly the spray from the guillotine). Between the castle and the guillotine is startled looking man. You can only see his head and shoulders. He's wearing a powdered wig, & a white lace at his neck, & a stiff-looking blue coat. His eyebrows are arched up like railway bridges, & his small mouth is tight. His chin is weak, and it suggests something about his character. His eyes are condescending, but also aghast. He looks like you just threw a lizard at him. Meme text reads: "Part pimper. Part red. All eel."
November 28, 2025 at 5:12 PM
greenleejw.bsky.social
One more drawing from this evening. A very fancy bird, perhaps?
Art. Black and white ink pen drawing made of abstract shapes and lines that might look like a bird with a fancy crest and a long, thick neck
November 28, 2025 at 7:02 AM
greenleejw.bsky.social
A drawing from this evening. A fish, or whale perhaps? I am unsure
Art. Black and white ink pen drawing made of abstract shapes and lines. It might look like a fish or whale with its tail raised out of the water behind it and its head up out of water as well. It might also look like a crawfish.
November 28, 2025 at 5:01 AM
greenleejw.bsky.social
The Pilgrims would have been relieved that the rivers held such a familiar feast. Bradford recorded the eels were "fat & sweet" & that the people were glad to have them.

In a strange land, they had found a little bit of home. Which is always something to be thankful for. /fin
Poster for the band Eels. Poster text reads: "The Triumphant Return of EELS The World's Number One Entertainers" "EELS" is in large dark pink bubble letters, rimmed in tan or yellow. The rest of the text is smaller and in tan. The background is black. Beside the text is a yellow drawing or rendering from a picture of the band's lead singer, Mark Everett. You can see him from the neck up, and you can see his hand holding microphone to his mouth. He is wearing welding glasses, with one lens reflecting the light and the other in the dark. They are vaguely manichean in that way. He has his mouth open in full-throated abandon, singing his heart out. And maybe your heart, too. His beard is full, but not excessive, and his teeth are visible. He looks like he's singing for all he's worth. If you ignore the microphone, he also looks like he might be screaming in despair after finding that local children have filled his mailbox full of slugs as a prank. He's emoting that kind of energy.
November 27, 2025 at 5:59 PM
greenleejw.bsky.social
But the Pilgrims may not have known that eels lived in the rivers. They landed in late Dec. of a bitter winter. And eels hibernate, burrowing into the mud all winter.

The peace with the Wampanoags was made in mid-March, & the eels would only have just started moving about. 4/5
Meme. An unhappy looking eel, out of water on a rock or sand. The eel is dark on the top, and you can see that it it white along the bottom. It's fins are delicate and particular. It's eye's are dark pools of questionable dietary choices, and it seems to be scowling. If you saw someone with this expression on a bus, you'd not want to sit next to them. We will call this eel Vestikwuilt, and assume that he harbors a deep hatred for his parents over that name. We'll leave him to his quiet internal anger. It's Thanksgiving, after all. That can wait for Ragesharing Day. Meme text reads: "I don't do winter.
November 27, 2025 at 5:59 PM
greenleejw.bsky.social
In fact, the English knew about the very method of fishing that local people used. William Bradford wrote that Tisquantum "trod them out with his feet", which was a common fishing technique in England.

It shows up in Chaucer's writing, & in John Donne's, and other places. 3/5
Meme. Painting of Chaucer, looking sad. He's wearing a brown hat, and a brown shirt. His mustache ad goatee are white, as is the hair peaking out from under his hat. His eyebrows are still brown, probably because they stay active. Chaucer seems like the kind of dude to raise his eyebrows a lot.* His skin looks healthy, but his eyes have a somber caste to them. He is looking down and to your left, as if contemplating a life-and-death struggle between two ugly centipedes. He doesn't care, really, but it reminds him of the timeless terror of the universe, and that he, too will die soon. Has he written enough that you will remember him, when all the centipedes have been forgotten? That is soul of the sadness you can see behind his eyes. Meme text reads: "Do you even stamp after eels, bro?"
November 27, 2025 at 5:59 PM
greenleejw.bsky.social
You may read elsewhere that the indigenous peoples taught the Pilgrims how to fish eels. No way!

The Pilgrims came from England, w/ it's long-established tradition of eel fishing. Where eel-fishing knowledge was axiomatic.

They knew how to catch the fish. 2/5
Meme. B&W drawing of the Pilgrims landing at Plymouth Rock. In the center of the picture is a man, with a high forehead and impressive beard. He's holding his hat in his hand, and he's looking off into the middle distance with the gaze of a man who knows he's posing for picture. Surrounding him are 15 or so other pilgrims, both men and women, in various stages of relief at being ashore. Some are carrying things from the ship, some are kneeling, and some are leaning on each other for support. There are some babies, too. In the background is the sea, and the ship, and a *very* un-Massachusetts-like mountain. The mountain makes it look like they landed in Patagonia by accident. The man in the middle looks composed, but I think it's likely that there's fear behind his eye. WTF has he just gotten them all into. He's going to get them all killed, and he's not even seen a moose yet. That's going to frighten the hell out of him. Meme text reads: "I hope they have eels here, too"
November 27, 2025 at 5:59 PM
greenleejw.bsky.social
It's Thanksgiving! Are you getting your eels ready? It's tradition!

The 1st Thanksgiving included a big table full of eels. And it's fitting. Tisquantum brought eels to the starving pilgrims that spring to celebrate their new treaty w/ the local Wampanoag tribe. 1/5
🗃️🧪
B&W drawing of the 1st Thanksgiving, showing a table full of vegetables and eels. In the center are a pilgrim man, dressed in black and white, with a silly hat and giant collar. He's holding a bowl of grapes, and looking incredibly disengaged. Standing with him is a Native American man, with feathers in his hair. He's not wearing a shirt, but he is wearing several armbands. In all, he looks far more comfortable. He's reaching for a grape, or pointing at one as if to say, "This one has the poison." Behind the Native American are several others, fading into the background. Behind the pilgrim are two figures, presumably his wife and kid, and couple of houses with thatched roofs. The wife, carrying a basket of apples, has an uncertain expression on her face. It's likely that she's checking out the half-dressed man in her yard, and thinking about how her husband doesn't stack up so well. On the table in the foreground, in pride of place, is a plate piled high with eels. NOW it's a feast.
November 27, 2025 at 5:59 PM
greenleejw.bsky.social
Public transport isn't just for Middle Earth. Narnia's getting in on the act!

I've drawn a subway map covering all 7 books of The Chronicles of Narnia. Follow the plots lines, but don't touch the third rail! #Narnia #Maps #Subway

You can buy prints on my Etsy store:
www.etsy.com/listing/4345...
A subway style map on a parchment background. The map's title reads: "Narnia Transit Map: Talking Beasts Ride Free." The map has seven keys, one for each of the seven books in C.S. Lewis's Narinia series. The main movements of characters and action in each book are traced by colored lines, like a subway map. Locations in each book are marked out as stops in the lines. There is a drawing of a lion above the title of the map, and in the lower right corner there is a compass rose. A subway style map on a parchment background. The map's title reads: "Narnia Transit Map: Talking Beasts Ride Free." The map has seven keys, one for each of the seven books in C.S. Lewis's Narinia series. The main movements of characters and action in each book are traced by colored lines, like a subway map. Locations in each book are marked out as stops in the lines. There is a drawing of a lion above the title of the map, and in the lower right corner there is a compass rose.
November 26, 2025 at 6:44 PM
greenleejw.bsky.social
He's kneeling!
Painting: Pope Sixtus IV Appoints Platina Prefect of the Vatican Library, fresco by Melozzo da Forlì, c. 1477. Bartolomeo kneels before the pope, who sits in a chair and looks important. There are four men in the background. one is a cardinal, one is a monk, and two look like rich merchants. The merchants feel slightly seeds, and have the feel of men who own used car lots, but don't do the day-to-day salesmanship.
November 26, 2025 at 5:42 PM
greenleejw.bsky.social
Thanksgiving is upon us! So...how best to show your distain to your terrible relatives? How about eel pie?

In his 15th C. cookbook, Bartolomeo Platina includes a recipe for eel pie w/ instructions to feed it to your foes when it's done, because eel pie has no redeeming features.
🗃️🧪
Meme. Painting of Bartolomeno Platina kneeling to meet with the pope. I've cut the pope out of the picture, so you'll have to take my word for it. Barty is wearing a red shirt with a blue sleeveless doublet. It's quite natty, and you might believe that it's a Patagonia fleece vest. Bart's silver hair is carefully sculpted and cut, and he is carrying *just* enough of a 5 o'clock shadow to be sexy, and not enough to be slovenly. Women want him, and men want to be him. And he knows it. The expression on his face might be taken for intent interest. His eyebrow is arched, his gaze is intense, and his jaw might be quivering with attentiveness. But it's more likely that he is feigning interest with an expertise born of long practice...like a grad student stuck in the front row of a lecture by an imminent, but terribly dull, guest speaker. Bart is, instead, probably thinking about shots of pumpkin-spice vodka. Meme text reads: "I've baked you a pie because you mean that much to me"
November 26, 2025 at 4:50 PM
greenleejw.bsky.social
We have very few eel-related metaphors English now. But there used to be many more.

One of my favorites is from William Lisle’s 1631 play "The Faire Ætheopian" where he describes a procession of haughty maids as being “smug as Eeles."

Have you ever been that smug? Has anyone?
🗃️🧪
Meme. Photograph of an eel underwater, in front of some grasses. You can only see the eel's head and fins, and a bit of its body. The eel is coming into view from the right side of the screen, and is headed left like a college student reading Marx for the first time. Unlike that student, though, the eel is not insufferable. You suffer it happily. The eel is grey-brown on top, and white underneath. It seems to be smiling at you. Not a joyful smile, or even the smile you save for old half-friends who you run into while shopping. It's the inward-facing smile of a fish that's seem more of the world than you, and is content with its own capacity for cannibalism. The eel's eye is looking past you, or possibly through you. It will almost certainly forget you as soon as you're gone. The eel's perspective on the world, and time, and history make you feel unimportant. And that is its gift to you. Meme text reads: "Putting the 'smug' back in 'World's most smuggled animal"
November 25, 2025 at 4:28 PM
greenleejw.bsky.social
Would you like to see a medieval landlord who collected eel-rents? Well then.

I present to you Robert, Count of Mortain & half-brother to William the Conqueror. He's on the right. The Domesday survey records that Robert received 8,125 eels each year, from a total of 8 rents.
🗃️🧪
Scene from the Bayeux Tapestry showing William the Conqueror seated on his throne. To the left of him is Bishop Odo, and to the right is Robert. Each man has his name floating above his head, which is probably not historically accurate. William is wearing red, and holding a sword upright in his lap. He's looking at Odo with some concern. Odo, for his part, has his hands up, with one hand pointing at the king as if he's explaining something important. William had one hand on his chest, and is looking a little startled. The sense of the conversation between them is a bit like Odo is telling the king that SOMEONE has eaten all of the oatmeal raison cookies, and the king is feigning innocence. On the other side of the king, Robert is reaching for his own sword. He looks surprised. Apparently the oatmeal raison cookies were very popular, and he's distraught to learn that they're gone. His blue chain mail probably does not have cookie pockets, but this is why you have a squire.
November 24, 2025 at 6:47 PM
greenleejw.bsky.social
Good morning, friends, and happy Friday! I've got a busy day, full of travel, and I don't have time for a full-on historical eel tweet. But I know you need your eels.

So here...enjoy this wonderful marginal imagery showing you how *not* to catch any eel you might want to eat.
🗃️🧪
Medieval marginal drawing showing a somewhat grotesque circle of life. A bald man with no pants is playing a horn of some sort, like a trumpet. A stork or heron is poking him in the butt, and looking pretty happy about it. An eel is sliding out of the stork's own rear end, and is being grabbed with one hand by a man in an orange shirt. His other hand is extended as if he might also use it to grab the eel. The man's body disappears into an interlinear something that might be a vine, but also might be an octopus tentacle. The lettering on the page is minim-tastic. This is the sort of thing that should only happen between consenting adults (of all sorts: human, bird, eel, and vine/octopus). I hope they have a safeword worked out.
November 21, 2025 at 8:16 PM
greenleejw.bsky.social
When I was in my early 20s, I spent an unemployed summer selling blood plasma and being lazy. The summer ended, I got a job coaching volleyball, and life went on.

But that summer left me with something to remember it by, and later on I wrote a poem about it.
Image of a poem entitled "Idle Markings." The poem is on one page, in two columns. The text of the poem reads: When I was younger I spent one idle summer unemployed playing volleyball and selling plasma. Twice a week I’d go and sit, watching as the alcoholics tried to squeeze another bottle from their veins and flirting with the dark-haired tech who set my blood to spinning round in vicious circles just outside of my body. Twice a week she’d take my arm and turn it over in her hands to find the mark she’d made before, a healing place within the hollow of my skin, then softly tear a cold new needle through the forming scar and open up my body once more time to pull my blood apart for me The whole thing lasted just about an hour and after I was done I’d take my money and my red cells off to find a sandwich and some sand. [this is the bottom of the left-hand column. The next stanza begins at the top of the right-hand column] I ended that warm summer with a small white mark inscribed above the vein in my left arm, a memory, hand-knitted to remind me of an idle season’s cost. For years it has stared up at me, a silent moment of my past that I can feel beneath my touch. Lately, though, I cannot see it when I look, unless I focus harder than I should, and I am left to wonder if it is so far gone with age that the echo of the thought is all that’s left. Perhaps I need to make fresh scars to tell the story of these busy days, and pull my blood back into view to mark and see the time that I have lost since I’ve forgotten what it means to just be idle in the world.
November 21, 2025 at 1:24 AM
greenleejw.bsky.social
We're at the Middle Earth map.
We're at the subway map.
We're at the combination Middle Earth and Subway map!

And you could be too! These maps and more are for sale on my Etsy page! They make great presents for yourself and others!
#LOTR #maps #subway

www.etsy.com/shop/Surpris...
Art. Subway style map to go with The Lord of the Rings, showing the different pathways of various parties throughout the book. The title reads: "Lord of the Rings Transit Map: One Does Not Simply Walk Ino Mordor When One Can Ride." The map takes up the middle part of the page, and there are two keys. The one on the left is titles "Standard Service Lines, and has color keys matched to the subway lines on the map. Lines are named: "Shire-Bree Commuter Line Old Forrest Crescent Wildland Scenic Line Fellowship Line Gollum / Sméagol Line Uruk Hai Express Three Hunters Line Fangorn Slow Service Rohan to Gondor Business Line Black Ships Ferry Service Oliphant Direct Line Army of the West Line Gandalf Express A smaller key on the right side of the map is labeled: "Limited Service Lines" and has color keys matched to the following names lines: "Eagle Express Paths of the Dead Line Nazgûl Search & Resuce Valinor Ltd." A note at the bottom reads: "* Mount Doom station only accepts Rings of Power in payment. Plan accordingly." Art. Subway-style map of the itinerary in The Hobbit. The main journey is show in three different lines: red (Hobbiton to Goblin Town); green (Goblin Town to the Elvenking's Halls); and blue (Elvenking's Halls to Erebor). There are multiple stops on these lines. There is a yellow line going back from Erebor to Hobbiton, making stops at Beorn's Hall, Rivendell, and the Troll's Lair. There is an orange line directly from the Iron Hills on the map's right side to Erebor, and a purple line from Gundabad directly to Erebor. The map's title reads: "Hobbit Transit Map" and there are directions for both There and Back Again listing the lines and transfer points. Between them, in the middle of the page, is a dragon drawn to resemble the dragon on Thror's Map from The Hobbit. A key shows the names of each colored line: Red: Western Lands Line Green: Mountains and Forests Line Blue: Barrel Line Yellow: Gandalf Express Orange: Iron Hills Business Line Purple: Orc and Goblin Reserve Line Text at the bottom right reads Surprised Eel Maps, 2025
November 21, 2025 at 12:05 AM
greenleejw.bsky.social
In 1257 William of Stow, the sheriff of Cambridgeshire, was ordered to send King Henry III food for his Christmas feasts. Henry wanted lots of eels, 1 crane, 4 peacocks, & 4 swans.

But no worries...it was tax deductible. William got to write off his expenses of £15 15s 10d.
Meme. Photograph of a woman (probably) with her head down on a pile of US government tax forms. Her brown hair spreads out around her head in limp resignation, like it is floating on a pool of red ink. She is not wearing any jewelry, and she has no sleeves. You can't see the rest of her body, so she might actually be doing her taxes naked, like a Pict assaulting the Romans. But it is more likely that she is wearing something like a sun dress. Perhaps she hoped to finish quickly, and go on a picnic. Sweet summer child. In her left hand she is holding a pencil like a dagger, as if she had tried to stab the forms into submission. In her right hand is a cheap but reliable calculator. Her sword and shield, if you will. But they seem to have failed her, because she has clearly succumbed to the implacable might of bureaucracy. In the end, it's what will probably get us all. At least she went out fighting. Meme text reads: "Wait...the 1099E form isn't for eels?"
November 20, 2025 at 4:48 PM
greenleejw.bsky.social
Screen shot from the Simpsons showing a teenage hoodlum in a purple beanie hanging out of a car window and holding a video camera to his eye. Text over the image reads “Videotaping this crime spree was the best idea we’ve ever had”
November 20, 2025 at 3:23 AM
greenleejw.bsky.social
Ahem...
A drawing of an eel, but with faint images of waffles all over it. The eel looks kinda annoyed. Or maybe just intense. Below the drawing is a caption that reads: "Waffeel"
November 19, 2025 at 10:59 PM
greenleejw.bsky.social
The nuns only got the rent during the eels' downstream migration, called the "valson."

Valson is a fun word. It's from the latin "avalatio" & initially just meant the migration. It later became a generic term for eels, & survived into 19th C. English as the word "fazen." /fin
Meme. Photograph of an eel out of water. The eel is yellow-brown in color, and is sitting on what looks like a gray concrete floor. The floor is actively wet, glistening with water like the floor of a carwash. This is, honestly, not a bad thing for the eel. The eel -- we'll call him Mallorage -- also looks wet. Slimy, even. His body curves back out of the frame of the picture, and if you like you can imagine that it goes on forever. There is nothing to stop you. Malllorage is wide-eyed, but you would too, under similar circumstances. The tip of his snout seems curiously red. Perhaps it's a trick of light and slime. Or perhaps Rudolph wasn't a reindeer after all. And a little eel shall lead them. Meme text reads: "'cause your nets ain't even fazen me, hoss"
November 19, 2025 at 5:27 PM
greenleejw.bsky.social
Sure, monks loved their eels. But so did the nuns!

In 1235 Henry III granted a charter to the nuns of Godstow Abbey that included the rights to local eel-rents.

Or, rather, some rights. Turns out, the nuns couldn't get eels all year round...just in the autumn. 1/2
🗃️🧪
Meme. Painting of a group of nuns, sitting in a half-circle. They are all wearing back tunics and white veils and scapulars. The older nun in the middle, whom we'll call Sister Venjens, is pointing to a nun on her right. That nun, who looks like her name is probably Sister Elopine, has her own hand over her chest. Her cheeks are flushed, and she looks is moderately aggrieved. She is clearly being accused of something of bad (like stealing waffles) but not terrible (like trading waffles for sex). A nun on the right -- Sister Quantiphone -- is also pointing towards Elopine. She has Venjens' attention, and is likely offering corroborating evidence. Perhaps she followed a trail of waffle crumbs right to Elopine's room. But maybe she ate the waffles herself and is deflecting blame. The rest of the the nuns are watching this moment with reserved curiosity; likely this is not the first time these nuns have had a dust-up. Meme text reads: "Lots of eels in the fall nun the rest of the year"
November 19, 2025 at 5:27 PM
greenleejw.bsky.social
One more drawing from this evening.
Art. Black and white inkpen drawing made of abstract shapes and lines, that looks like a bird of some sort of wild crest. The bird seems to be reaching out with its wings, like it wants a hug.
November 19, 2025 at 4:35 AM
greenleejw.bsky.social
A drawing from this evening. A flying fish-bear? Could be!
Art. Black and white ink pen drawing made of abstract shapes and lines that might look like a fish with wings and a bear’s head
November 19, 2025 at 1:52 AM
greenleejw.bsky.social
Curses! I've been made aware that there's no alt text! A tragedy. Here's the meme again, with it's intended alt text.
Meme. Scene from the Bayeux tapestry depicting King Edward talking to Harold Godwinson. Edward is sitting on this throe, holding his scepter and wearing a crown. He owns an excellent beard that forks down over his chest. He is leaning forward towards Harold, and his expression seems hopeful, and fascinated. There's the hint of smile on his lips, and his eyebrows are raised. His whole posture is anticipatory. He's invested. For his part, Harold is standing, tall and mustachioed, in the light of his monarch's attention. He is gesturing broadly with both hands. His right hand is up above his head, as if to say, "And the platypus was THIS tall!" His left hand is extended towards the king, as if to stave off disbelief. The scene looks, for all the world, like Harold telling an amazing story to an enraptured child. I hope he volunteers for reading hours at local libraries. He seems like he'd be excellent at it. Meme text reads: "I do confess... I hope it's a mighty celeelbration"
November 18, 2025 at 7:55 PM
greenleejw.bsky.social
It's November, & you know what that means!

Yup. Time to start thinking about ordering your holiday eels!
Henry III knew. In November of 1256 the king ordered up 5,000 small eels from Ely, to be sent to him for the Jan. 6 feast of St. Edward.

Only the best for the Confessor.
🗃️🧪
November 18, 2025 at 5:06 PM