Ellis Weiner
@ellisw.bsky.social
Humorist, novelist, ghost writer, drummer, maker of self-descriptive lists.
Wait--his example of how it's "not easy" is to have to say which is the giraffe? That in itself is demented. Talk about a downward spiral...
December 21, 2025 at 7:12 PM
Wait--his example of how it's "not easy" is to have to say which is the giraffe? That in itself is demented. Talk about a downward spiral...
Dem leaders and consultants seem to forget--or ignore--the fact that much of voter revulsion at Trump and the GOP is not merely economic. It's moral. Every time they fail to reflect that, and stick to the kitchen table, they strike us as narrow bean-counters and not robust leaders.
December 20, 2025 at 7:28 PM
Dem leaders and consultants seem to forget--or ignore--the fact that much of voter revulsion at Trump and the GOP is not merely economic. It's moral. Every time they fail to reflect that, and stick to the kitchen table, they strike us as narrow bean-counters and not robust leaders.
YES. WITH NO REFUNDS.
Every Democratic candidate for president should pledge to revoke whatever benefits people got by paying $1 million for Trump Gold Cards by executive order on day 1 with no refunds.
December 20, 2025 at 4:19 PM
YES. WITH NO REFUNDS.
Reposted by Ellis Weiner
This studio awards-season email is really matching the current mood in a way I’m not sure they intended.
December 19, 2025 at 11:36 PM
This studio awards-season email is really matching the current mood in a way I’m not sure they intended.
Let the leaking (of the files withheld, of the ones before their massive redactions) commence.
December 19, 2025 at 10:37 PM
Let the leaking (of the files withheld, of the ones before their massive redactions) commence.
The always-funny Evan Hurst at Wonkette coins the term "a FIFA Pulitzer" to great effect. From now on, let's use "a FIFA __" to refer to a fake prize awarded to frauds, e.g., "The ICE agent accidentally shot himself in the foot and was awarded a FIFA Purple Heart."
tinyurl.com/2yqdom94
tinyurl.com/2yqdom94
'This Is What The Wall Street Journal Has Come To? Legitimization Of Three-Way Sodomy?!'
ANOTHER Christmas miracle from the comedy gods.
tinyurl.com
December 19, 2025 at 7:19 PM
The always-funny Evan Hurst at Wonkette coins the term "a FIFA Pulitzer" to great effect. From now on, let's use "a FIFA __" to refer to a fake prize awarded to frauds, e.g., "The ICE agent accidentally shot himself in the foot and was awarded a FIFA Purple Heart."
tinyurl.com/2yqdom94
tinyurl.com/2yqdom94
Our children are our future. And in these cases, our future will be one of moral imbecility.
responding to “what do you think of Adolph Hitler?” with “I’m in favor of a strong executive” is advanced conservatism. these kids have perfected the craft.
From a focus group of Gen Z Republicans. (www.city-journal.org/article/manh...)
Tell me again about how Zohran Mamdani is the big threat to Jewish thriving in the US today.
Tell me again about how Zohran Mamdani is the big threat to Jewish thriving in the US today.
December 19, 2025 at 6:58 PM
Our children are our future. And in these cases, our future will be one of moral imbecility.
Reposted by Ellis Weiner
Feels to me like the last quote here is more devastating and incriminating than even the birthday book and the photos and the rest.
These are the people who are willing to go on the record.
www.nytimes.com/2025/12/18/u...
www.nytimes.com/2025/12/18/u...
December 18, 2025 at 8:20 PM
Feels to me like the last quote here is more devastating and incriminating than even the birthday book and the photos and the rest.
Is Substack glitchy, or is it me?
December 18, 2025 at 7:48 PM
Is Substack glitchy, or is it me?
Our latest latest. It's long, it's funny, it's disturbing. You will experience every human emotion.
thesplit.substack.com/p/splitsvill...
thesplit.substack.com/p/splitsvill...
Splitsville DODDERING DOTARD DON DODDERS ON
The Once-Great But Now Failing Newsletter That Has Lousy Ratings and Suffers from Trump Derangement Syndrome for Fans of THE SPLIT
thesplit.substack.com
December 18, 2025 at 7:39 PM
Our latest latest. It's long, it's funny, it's disturbing. You will experience every human emotion.
thesplit.substack.com/p/splitsvill...
thesplit.substack.com/p/splitsvill...
Just yesterday I was wondering if (or when) Trump will say or do something so egregious it will cause Republicans to take action and remove him from office. Now this. All he had to do was say nothing. It's remarkable, in a hideous way.
I appreciate Trump settling the political violence argument with barely disguised hope that someone murdered the Reiners because they were mean to Trump bsky.app/profile/eric...
December 15, 2025 at 3:44 PM
Just yesterday I was wondering if (or when) Trump will say or do something so egregious it will cause Republicans to take action and remove him from office. Now this. All he had to do was say nothing. It's remarkable, in a hideous way.
One thing that goes underreported is that literally every single tweet that Elon Musk posts reads like it was written by a not-very-bright 15-year old.
December 13, 2025 at 10:46 PM
One thing that goes underreported is that literally every single tweet that Elon Musk posts reads like it was written by a not-very-bright 15-year old.
Reposted by Ellis Weiner
If you put the words "LOCAL FOOL" in place of Elon Musk, the headlines make more sense. People who cover him should try it to see if it helps clear up their reporting.
Local Fool Says He'll Build A Colony on Mars
Local Fool Says AI Will Cure Cancer
Local Fool Says He'll Build A Colony on Mars
Local Fool Says AI Will Cure Cancer
December 13, 2025 at 7:11 PM
If you put the words "LOCAL FOOL" in place of Elon Musk, the headlines make more sense. People who cover him should try it to see if it helps clear up their reporting.
Local Fool Says He'll Build A Colony on Mars
Local Fool Says AI Will Cure Cancer
Local Fool Says He'll Build A Colony on Mars
Local Fool Says AI Will Cure Cancer
Reposted by Ellis Weiner
Pardon me, but *holy shit* chicago.suntimes.com/the-watchdog...
December 13, 2025 at 3:32 PM
Pardon me, but *holy shit* chicago.suntimes.com/the-watchdog...
Reposted by Ellis Weiner
December 13, 2025 at 3:58 PM
Literally every day he says something bonkers.
Surely he means trillions.
DOOCY: Is the campaign against Venezuela still just about drugs, or it also now about oil?
TRUMP: Well, it's about a lot of things. But one of things it's about is the fact they've allowed millions of people to come into our country from their prisons
TRUMP: Well, it's about a lot of things. But one of things it's about is the fact they've allowed millions of people to come into our country from their prisons
December 12, 2025 at 12:11 AM
Literally every day he says something bonkers.
Not to mention those whom you find somewhat tolerable.
There's still time to order copies for those you love, and even for those you can't stand.
exasperatedmedia.com
exasperatedmedia.com
Home - exasperatedmedia.com
Contraband! Heresy! Samizdat! Big-time publishers were afraid to publish it, so we had to do it ourselves. Our agent pitched The Split to 36 editors. They returned 36 rejections, accompanied by commen...
exasperatedmedia.com
December 11, 2025 at 9:51 PM
Not to mention those whom you find somewhat tolerable.
Reposted by Ellis Weiner
“According to a source Ms. Halligan became enraged when a grand juror told her that the word ‘indict’ is pronounced ‘in-DITE,” not “in-DICKT.”
Justice Department again fails to indict New York Attorney General Letitia James
The Justice Department also tried and failed last week to secure a new indictment against James in Norfolk, Virginia.
www.nbcnews.com
December 11, 2025 at 9:18 PM
“According to a source Ms. Halligan became enraged when a grand juror told her that the word ‘indict’ is pronounced ‘in-DITE,” not “in-DICKT.”
To his final question ("How old is Barron?") add, "Who is Barron?"
Such Good Germans.
Any interview with Trump that does not confront him on his authoritarianism and his derangment is an abdication. Here's what I wrote about the last one: presswatchers.org/2025/11/cbss...
December 9, 2025 at 4:54 PM
To his final question ("How old is Barron?") add, "Who is Barron?"
Reposted by Ellis Weiner
This is like a kidnapper who's chained you to a radiator bringing you a sandwich, and his expecting you to thank him for his hospitality.
dumbet fucking country in the world
Trump on his farm bailout: "This money would not be possible without tariffs ... because of tariffs, this is possible."
December 9, 2025 at 1:09 AM
This is like a kidnapper who's chained you to a radiator bringing you a sandwich, and his expecting you to thank him for his hospitality.
Pull-up bars. The idiocy of this is so strong not even light can escape. Air travel is a consumer's nightmare, airports are shopping centers of extortion, and this nitwit wants pull-up bars. It's hard to know which is dumber--this jerk and his ideas, or his thinking we respect his "ideas."
Duffy: "My daughter pointed out a video from Dr. Paul Saladino where he was complaining that there are no pull up bars in airports, which prompted me to call Sec. Kennedy to give me Paul's number to start the conversation."
December 9, 2025 at 1:03 AM
Pull-up bars. The idiocy of this is so strong not even light can escape. Air travel is a consumer's nightmare, airports are shopping centers of extortion, and this nitwit wants pull-up bars. It's hard to know which is dumber--this jerk and his ideas, or his thinking we respect his "ideas."