Eli Parham
@eliparham.bsky.social
Lvl 34 goat, reader, coffee and sparkling water addict, tech trainer. I mostly just re-post articles from The Onion.
💙 @chipcottontail.bsky.social
Pfp: @scarfshepherd.bsky.social
18+ only please
💙 @chipcottontail.bsky.social
Pfp: @scarfshepherd.bsky.social
18+ only please
Pinned
Eli Parham
@eliparham.bsky.social
· Oct 21
From fat and unhealthy for half my life to running a half marathon with my husband, @chipcottontail.bsky.social. Thank you for being my biggest supporter and cheerleader in my health journey!
Also, thank you @lucanimations.bsky.social for this amazing piece!!
Finally, fuck Elon Musk.
Also, thank you @lucanimations.bsky.social for this amazing piece!!
Finally, fuck Elon Musk.
Reposted by Eli Parham
“In our continuing fight to make America great again, it is vital we maintain Republican control of the government so we can ensure the extrajudicial killing of all U.S. citizens at the hands of ICE officers,” said Republican National Committee chair Joe Gruters
GOP Adds ‘ICE Kills Everyone’ Pillar To 2026 Platform
WASHINGTON—Adopting a new set of national policy positions ahead of this year’s midterms, top GOP leaders released an updated party platform Tuesday to introduce their official “ICE kills everyone” ag...
theonion.com
January 14, 2026 at 1:00 AM
“In our continuing fight to make America great again, it is vital we maintain Republican control of the government so we can ensure the extrajudicial killing of all U.S. citizens at the hands of ICE officers,” said Republican National Committee chair Joe Gruters
My face when my coffee is done brewing, and I just know it's gonna be a good day...
🎨: @waywardmutt.art
🎨: @waywardmutt.art
January 13, 2026 at 10:32 PM
My face when my coffee is done brewing, and I just know it's gonna be a good day...
🎨: @waywardmutt.art
🎨: @waywardmutt.art
Reposted by Eli Parham
X Users Ask Grok To Put More Clothes On Elon Musk Pictures https://theonion.com/x-users-ask-grok-to-put-more-clothes-on-elon-musk-pictures/
January 12, 2026 at 8:15 PM
X Users Ask Grok To Put More Clothes On Elon Musk Pictures https://theonion.com/x-users-ask-grok-to-put-more-clothes-on-elon-musk-pictures/
Reposted by Eli Parham
“We have traveled south to the White House steps to present you with these three Kayleighs,” said Fox Corporation CEO Lachlan Murdoch
Fox News Sends Trump Quarterly Tithe Of 3 Blond Anchors
WASHINGTON—Saying the sumptuous gift should slake the administration’s thirst for the next few months, Fox News sent President Donald Trump its quarterly tithe of three blond anchors, White House sour...
theonion.com
January 10, 2026 at 12:30 AM
“We have traveled south to the White House steps to present you with these three Kayleighs,” said Fox Corporation CEO Lachlan Murdoch
Reposted by Eli Parham
We've removed the paywall from this guide so everyone can access it. 👇 Stay safe.
Just days into 2026, the killing of 37-year-old Renee Nicole Good by a federal immigration officer in Minneapolis, Minnesota, has sparked protests around the US.
If you’re planning to protest, here’s how to safeguard your digital security.
If you’re planning to protest, here’s how to safeguard your digital security.
How to Protest Safely in the Age of Surveillance
Law enforcement has more tools than ever to track your movements and access your communications. Here’s how to protect your privacy if you plan to protest.
www.wired.com
January 8, 2026 at 6:35 PM
We've removed the paywall from this guide so everyone can access it. 👇 Stay safe.
Reposted by Eli Parham
Insecure, Frustrated Bully With Something To Prove Considering Career In Law Enforcement https://theonion.com/insecure-frustrated-bully-with-something-to-prove-cons-1819575405/
January 8, 2026 at 9:00 PM
Insecure, Frustrated Bully With Something To Prove Considering Career In Law Enforcement https://theonion.com/insecure-frustrated-bully-with-something-to-prove-cons-1819575405/
Reposted by Eli Parham
Trump Pulls U.S. Out Of House Hunters International https://theonion.com/trump-pulls-u-s-out-of-house-hunters-international/
January 8, 2026 at 8:00 PM
Trump Pulls U.S. Out Of House Hunters International https://theonion.com/trump-pulls-u-s-out-of-house-hunters-international/
Reposted by Eli Parham
Reposted by Eli Parham
DHS Warns Any Action By Americans Will Be Treated As Domestic Terrorism https://theonion.com/dhs-warns-any-action-by-americans-will-be-treated-as-domestic-terrorism/
January 8, 2026 at 6:57 PM
DHS Warns Any Action By Americans Will Be Treated As Domestic Terrorism https://theonion.com/dhs-warns-any-action-by-americans-will-be-treated-as-domestic-terrorism/
Reposted by Eli Parham
ICE Vows To Restore Order Using Whatever Force Unnecessary
January 7, 2026 at 9:30 PM
ICE Vows To Restore Order Using Whatever Force Unnecessary
Reposted by Eli Parham
Trump Spotted Wearing Paper Sign Reading ‘The President’
January 7, 2026 at 3:00 PM
Trump Spotted Wearing Paper Sign Reading ‘The President’
Reposted by Eli Parham
137 More Oil Wells Liberated For Democracy https://theonion.com/137-more-oil-wells-liberated-for-democracy-1819566812/
January 7, 2026 at 4:00 PM
137 More Oil Wells Liberated For Democracy https://theonion.com/137-more-oil-wells-liberated-for-democracy-1819566812/
Reposted by Eli Parham
Reposted by Eli Parham
Congress: ‘If You Wanted An Expensive Foreign War, All You Had To Do Was Ask’
January 5, 2026 at 8:00 PM
Congress: ‘If You Wanted An Expensive Foreign War, All You Had To Do Was Ask’
Reposted by Eli Parham
Congress, Now More Than Ever, Our Nation Needs Your Cowardice https://theonion.com/letter-to-congress/
Congress, Now More Than Ever, Our Nation Needs Your Cowardice
Share This Editorial
theonion.com
January 3, 2026 at 8:31 PM
Congress, Now More Than Ever, Our Nation Needs Your Cowardice https://theonion.com/letter-to-congress/
Reposted by Eli Parham
I'm hardly original in saying this, but a lot of people are going to try to make this about whether Maduro being gone is good or bad as such, rather than the blatant violation of international and US law in a destabilizing act of aggression.
Don't fall for it.
Don't fall for it.
January 3, 2026 at 1:45 PM
I'm hardly original in saying this, but a lot of people are going to try to make this about whether Maduro being gone is good or bad as such, rather than the blatant violation of international and US law in a destabilizing act of aggression.
Don't fall for it.
Don't fall for it.
Reposted by Eli Parham
It’s not about drugs. If it was, Trump wouldn’t have pardoned one of the largest narco traffickers in the world last month.
It’s about oil and regime change.
And they need a trial now to pretend that it isn’t. Especially to distract from his sinking under Epstein and skyrocketing healthcare costs.
It’s about oil and regime change.
And they need a trial now to pretend that it isn’t. Especially to distract from his sinking under Epstein and skyrocketing healthcare costs.
January 3, 2026 at 3:34 PM
It’s not about drugs. If it was, Trump wouldn’t have pardoned one of the largest narco traffickers in the world last month.
It’s about oil and regime change.
And they need a trial now to pretend that it isn’t. Especially to distract from his sinking under Epstein and skyrocketing healthcare costs.
It’s about oil and regime change.
And they need a trial now to pretend that it isn’t. Especially to distract from his sinking under Epstein and skyrocketing healthcare costs.
Reposted by Eli Parham
Trump Writes Netanyahu Strongly Worded Check
December 31, 2025 at 7:00 PM
Trump Writes Netanyahu Strongly Worded Check
Reposted by Eli Parham
Trump Claims He Can’t Be Expected To Remember Every Birthday Card He Sends To Child Molesters https://theonion.com/trump-claims-he-cant-be-expected-to-remember-every-birthday-card-he-sends-to-child-molesters/
December 31, 2025 at 5:30 PM
Trump Claims He Can’t Be Expected To Remember Every Birthday Card He Sends To Child Molesters https://theonion.com/trump-claims-he-cant-be-expected-to-remember-every-birthday-card-he-sends-to-child-molesters/
Reposted by Eli Parham
White House Doctor: Trump Has Far More Bones Than Any Prior President https://theonion.com/white-house-doctor-trump-has-far-more-bones-than-any-prior-president/
December 31, 2025 at 1:00 AM
White House Doctor: Trump Has Far More Bones Than Any Prior President https://theonion.com/white-house-doctor-trump-has-far-more-bones-than-any-prior-president/
Reposted by Eli Parham
Visit From JD Vance Last Thing Utah Needs Right Now https://theonion.com/visit-from-jd-vance-last-thing-utah-needs-right-now/
December 30, 2025 at 10:30 PM
Visit From JD Vance Last Thing Utah Needs Right Now https://theonion.com/visit-from-jd-vance-last-thing-utah-needs-right-now/
Reposted by Eli Parham
Trump Urges Supporters To Move On From Societal Disdain For Pedophilia https://theonion.com/trump-urges-supporters-to-move-on-from-societal-disdain-for-pedophilia/
December 29, 2025 at 11:00 PM
Trump Urges Supporters To Move On From Societal Disdain For Pedophilia https://theonion.com/trump-urges-supporters-to-move-on-from-societal-disdain-for-pedophilia/
Reposted by Eli Parham
DOJ Removes All Mentions Of Justice From Website https://theonion.com/doj-removes-all-mentions-of-justice-from-website/
December 29, 2025 at 10:30 PM
DOJ Removes All Mentions Of Justice From Website https://theonion.com/doj-removes-all-mentions-of-justice-from-website/
Reposted by Eli Parham
Kristi Noem Appears With Bandage Over Ear Struck By Words
December 29, 2025 at 7:00 PM
Kristi Noem Appears With Bandage Over Ear Struck By Words