Elinor Jones
@elinorjoneser.bsky.social
Portland writer. Mother Trash Panda. I like your lipstick. 🗑️ 📰 🦝 💋
@portlandmercury.bsky.social
@portlandmercury.bsky.social
Pinned
Elinor Jones
@elinorjoneser.bsky.social
· Nov 20
Welcome to my bluesky. Please meet my “dog” Dolly Walnuts
Do you reorganize the Christmas ornaments your child has put on the tree when they’re not paying attention or are you normal
November 30, 2025 at 5:07 AM
Do you reorganize the Christmas ornaments your child has put on the tree when they’re not paying attention or are you normal
My daughter’s fennec fox stuffie uses they/them pronouns and she reminds me of this like I’m the dumbest person alive
November 28, 2025 at 5:18 AM
My daughter’s fennec fox stuffie uses they/them pronouns and she reminds me of this like I’m the dumbest person alive
Happy “goddammit I left a tissue in my pocket when I washed my clothes” season to all who get the sniffles
November 25, 2025 at 11:16 PM
Happy “goddammit I left a tissue in my pocket when I washed my clothes” season to all who get the sniffles
Reposted by Elinor Jones
tfw you’re fucking the lasagna man for lasagna
November 25, 2025 at 2:05 AM
tfw you’re fucking the lasagna man for lasagna
Reposted by Elinor Jones
Line up, trash pandas! Your garbage can of gossip awaits in the latest hilarious edition of THE TRASH REPORT from @elinorjoneser.bsky.social. This week: Billie Eilish destroys Elon Musk, Zohran Mamdani charms the orange skin off Trump, and some palate-cleansing Beverly Hills 90210 news.
THE TRASH REPORT: "No Thank You" to Many Garbage Men, "Yes Thank You" to the Trash Pandas
Hello, and welcome back to the Trash Report! Happy Thanksgiving week! Let me start this column with something I'm thankful for, which is that today's children's aren't fed a lot of horseshit about Pil...
www.portlandmercury.com
November 24, 2025 at 6:02 PM
Line up, trash pandas! Your garbage can of gossip awaits in the latest hilarious edition of THE TRASH REPORT from @elinorjoneser.bsky.social. This week: Billie Eilish destroys Elon Musk, Zohran Mamdani charms the orange skin off Trump, and some palate-cleansing Beverly Hills 90210 news.
Dragging the recycling cans back and forth is so undignified. Where do you want them
November 22, 2025 at 12:09 AM
Dragging the recycling cans back and forth is so undignified. Where do you want them
I don’t want to GET READY FOR BED I want to FIGURE OUT HOW TO NAVIGATE THE ZARA WEBSITE
November 17, 2025 at 5:55 AM
I don’t want to GET READY FOR BED I want to FIGURE OUT HOW TO NAVIGATE THE ZARA WEBSITE
Reposted by Elinor Jones
Every time I get a brain MRI scan the doc says “everything looks perfect, see you in three weeks”
so trump just out there getting standard MRI scans as a standard part of the standard multiple annual check ups a president gets in the first ten months
November 15, 2025 at 5:49 AM
Every time I get a brain MRI scan the doc says “everything looks perfect, see you in three weeks”
Asking “is THAT Frankenstein?” repeatedly while watching Frankenstein is funny to me but not to my partner. Who’s right?
November 15, 2025 at 5:59 AM
Asking “is THAT Frankenstein?” repeatedly while watching Frankenstein is funny to me but not to my partner. Who’s right?
Reposted by Elinor Jones
Okay when I was clamoring to read the emails I did not realize they would be written like this
November 12, 2025 at 9:58 PM
Okay when I was clamoring to read the emails I did not realize they would be written like this
Let’s, as the kids say, goooooooooo
Breaking news: After a 50-day delay, Rep. Adelita Grijalva (D-Arizona) was finally sworn in by House Speaker Mike Johnson.
Her seat gives Democrats the numbers to push a petition forcing a vote on releasing Jeffrey Epstein case files.
Her seat gives Democrats the numbers to push a petition forcing a vote on releasing Jeffrey Epstein case files.
Rep. Adelita Grijalva sworn in, setting up vote on release of Epstein files
The ceremony ended a seven-week standoff with House Speaker Mike Johnson that left Grijalva unable to fully represent Arizona’s 7th Congressional District in Washington.
www.washingtonpost.com
November 12, 2025 at 9:31 PM
Let’s, as the kids say, goooooooooo
Reposted by Elinor Jones
Look, I know that fast fashion is terrible and I try to buy nothing new and repair what I have whenever possible. But my normal resistance to Temu ads is utterly undone by this objectively incredible item
November 11, 2025 at 7:40 PM
Look, I know that fast fashion is terrible and I try to buy nothing new and repair what I have whenever possible. But my normal resistance to Temu ads is utterly undone by this objectively incredible item
Making families scramble for food and making workers work without paychecks and making a lot of us have travel derailed to cave at this point is so fucking pathetic I cannot even believe except that I can @democrats.org this is embarrassing
November 10, 2025 at 8:26 PM
Making families scramble for food and making workers work without paychecks and making a lot of us have travel derailed to cave at this point is so fucking pathetic I cannot even believe except that I can @democrats.org this is embarrassing
Read my latest! (And if you’re curious, my airplane travel over the weekend was so fucked that I did not depart!)
Let's go, trash pandas! 🦝 It's time for another hilarious edition of THE TRASH REPORT by @elinorjoneser.bsky.social. This week: Good political news (finally), Meghan Markle (just being herself), and a Miss Piggy movie produced by Jennifer Lawrence (yesssss)!
THE TRASH REPORT: New Relationships, Old Politicians, and Me (Currently trapped in an airport in god-knows-where)
Hi, and welcome to the Trash Report! I'm Elinor Jones. This is going to be a lot of commentary on a LOT of nonsense, and thanks to Ralph Nader, I can tell you to buckle up, and you'll be able to (albe...
www.portlandmercury.com
November 10, 2025 at 8:24 PM
Read my latest! (And if you’re curious, my airplane travel over the weekend was so fucked that I did not depart!)
Sickest dance moves tonight are coming from the pissed off sickos on hold with their airlines
November 8, 2025 at 4:25 AM
Sickest dance moves tonight are coming from the pissed off sickos on hold with their airlines
Tell me the truth: will I be flying to Las Vegas on Saturday
November 7, 2025 at 5:41 AM
Tell me the truth: will I be flying to Las Vegas on Saturday
The zoo videos of the animals with pumpkins make me sad that they don’t get pumpkins every day
November 1, 2025 at 1:55 AM
The zoo videos of the animals with pumpkins make me sad that they don’t get pumpkins every day
Love to use my $600 phone as a snack tray
October 31, 2025 at 9:27 PM
Love to use my $600 phone as a snack tray
It’s cool that Alaska merged with Hawaiian to make it so neither website functions. That’s corporate synergy!
October 29, 2025 at 4:10 PM
It’s cool that Alaska merged with Hawaiian to make it so neither website functions. That’s corporate synergy!
I had thoughts on the Louvre heist getaway that 1) would have worked, and 2) would have been very fun.
Calling all trash pandas! It's time for another hilarious edition of THE TRASH REPORT from @elinorjoneser.bsky.social. In this week's hot goss: East Wing of White House demolished for Epstein Ballroom, Kevin Federline is a tool, and celebrating the horse at the ICE protests. 👀
THE TRASH REPORT: Kings are Bad, but (Stolen) Tiaras are Good!
Hi! Welcome to the Trash Report. I'm Elinor Jones, doing my damnedest to write and think about anything besides this season of Love is Blind, which sucked so bad. I have very little time to watch tele...
www.portlandmercury.com
October 27, 2025 at 9:59 PM
I had thoughts on the Louvre heist getaway that 1) would have worked, and 2) would have been very fun.
Reposted by Elinor Jones
who creates the lively art and music scenes if the rent is too high? who makes cultural life? who serves you food or washes your dishes? who creates the fancy little restaurants that draw you to urban living? affordable housing is at the heart of what makes city life worthwhile.
October 26, 2025 at 6:04 AM
who creates the lively art and music scenes if the rent is too high? who makes cultural life? who serves you food or washes your dishes? who creates the fancy little restaurants that draw you to urban living? affordable housing is at the heart of what makes city life worthwhile.
Car drivers only stop at crosswalks for the attention
October 26, 2025 at 4:35 AM
Car drivers only stop at crosswalks for the attention
I think that if the ICE guys wanna wear masks they should at least be required to let people they went to high school with know it’s them so we can talk about it.
October 22, 2025 at 10:08 PM
I think that if the ICE guys wanna wear masks they should at least be required to let people they went to high school with know it’s them so we can talk about it.
Reposted by Elinor Jones
U.S. Sen. Jeff Merkley started his floor speech Tuesday evening to draw attention to President Trump's "authoritarian" policies.
Oregon senator’s marathon overnight speech to protest Trump’s policies is still going
U.S. Sen. Jeff Merkley started his floor speech Tuesday evening to draw attention to President Trump's "authoritarian" policies.
www.oregonlive.com
October 22, 2025 at 5:30 PM
U.S. Sen. Jeff Merkley started his floor speech Tuesday evening to draw attention to President Trump's "authoritarian" policies.