Douglas Schwartz (Author/Game Designer)
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dougieschwartz.bsky.social
Douglas Schwartz (Author/Game Designer)
@dougieschwartz.bsky.social
620 followers 1.8K following 3.9K posts
My fiction is quirky.
It's kind, not jerky.
A fan-fic dabbler.
A blogging babbler.
An Austin Weirdo
(without a beard, though).

Heck herd whizzers splot flom!
It’s checkeredscissors.com!
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dougieschwartz.bsky.social
Looks like the moon is caught in the trees again.
(Sigh)
I’ll fetch the ladder.
A full moon setting in the morning sunrise just hitting the tree line.
November 5, 2025 at 12:51 PM
dougieschwartz.bsky.social
Last day of early voting. I voted. Did you?
Voting sticker in English and Spanish. “I voted” and “Yo voté”.
October 31, 2025 at 2:32 PM
dougieschwartz.bsky.social
Perry the platypus?! Even you have hit hard times?!

Waiting for the government to open back up so he can get back to OWCA.
A Perry the Platypus stuffed animal from the cartoon Phineas and Ferb. It is slightly irregularly made so it looks drunk, which is why it is sitting next to an empty wine bottle and an overturned hat to accept donations.
October 24, 2025 at 7:54 PM
dougieschwartz.bsky.social
Dougie Schwartz adjusting his glasses to read a children’s book. He is wearing a black t-shirt with the caption, “Because queso”. The built in bookshelves are in the background. To the left is the collection of DVDs. To the right is mostly children’s books along with gis Terry Pratchett collection.
October 10, 2025 at 3:02 AM
dougieschwartz.bsky.social
Standing by!

Ooo! Lunch!

(Om nom nom)
A brown bear standing on a deck and eating from the bird feeder.
September 30, 2025 at 12:32 AM
dougieschwartz.bsky.social
Happy 24th anniversary to the love of my life! We have had so many adventures. I look forward to many, many more!
Doug and Julie Schwartz celebrating Oktoberfest in Germany.
September 23, 2025 at 5:37 PM
dougieschwartz.bsky.social
We call our favorite one “polka dot car wash”.
Windshield in a carwash of multi-colored soap.
September 12, 2025 at 2:54 PM
dougieschwartz.bsky.social
Here‘s my family riding the NY subway. Ooo…really scary. 🙄
Two kids on a NYC subway.
August 24, 2025 at 1:01 PM
dougieschwartz.bsky.social
Ooo…so close!
A shopping cart up on a traffic island, in the gravel, mere feet from the cart return corral.
August 22, 2025 at 3:19 PM
dougieschwartz.bsky.social
Post a non-religious photo you think of as holy.
A single ray of sunlight shines down on St Patrick’s Cathedral.
August 20, 2025 at 4:57 AM
dougieschwartz.bsky.social
Office hallway with a Sketchy clown holding a rubber chicken.
August 15, 2025 at 1:05 AM
dougieschwartz.bsky.social
Pizza place employee: “Jblies, your order is ready. Jblies?”

Julie S.: “What is taking so long? I’m about to eat Jblies’s pizza if they don’t claim it soon.”
Pizza box corner with a name “Julie” written in Sharpie pen. The U and the L are written weird so it looks more like a lowercase B and L.
July 24, 2025 at 4:47 PM
dougieschwartz.bsky.social
Whoo hoo! My inventory of my new book has arrived!

Dadtime Stories is currently available on Amazon in both paperback and digital formats.

a.co/d/fwWHt0e
Back and front covers of Dadtime Stories, a collection of ridiculous, modern fairy tales by me, Douglas Schwartz.
June 25, 2025 at 6:42 PM
dougieschwartz.bsky.social
What was your favorite yarn creation? And what was your most challenging?

My daughter picked up crocheting recently. She has made some fun stuff. My favorite is her Audrey II graduation cap topper.
Crocheted Audrey II (from Little Shop of Horrors) with vine covering a graduation cap. Letters on the cap spell out, “Graduating somewhere that’s mean green.” The quote is a play on a song from the musical and UNT’s “mean green” slogan.
June 18, 2025 at 4:58 PM
dougieschwartz.bsky.social
Dadtime Stories! Get yer Dadtime Stories here!

Released yesterday on Father's Day. Sorry, this book is powered by AI. Yep. That's right. You read that right. Pure, undiluted Author's Imagination. The only AI worth using, in my opinion.

a.co/d/1gs7ory
The book cover includes a large thought bubble with the words "Dadtime Stories" spelled out in alphabet blocks of various rainbow colors. The tinier bubbles off the main thought bubble connect to the author's name (also spelled in colorful alphabet blocks) "Douglas Schwartz". The background is vertical stripes in two light shades of calm blue, as if it is wallpaper. The thought bubble casts a slight shadow on the background, giving the cover a sense of depth.
June 16, 2025 at 3:27 PM
dougieschwartz.bsky.social
Woo hoo! Dadtime Stories is FINALLY up for pre-order (currently Kindle*, soon in print):
www.amazon.com/Dadtime-Stor...

The official release is Father's Day, which is also my daughter's birthday. Coincidence? I THINK NOT!

* Getting my books in other, non-AMZ markets is on my TO-DO. Any requests?
Book cover for Dadtime Stories, a collection of unique fairy tales for modern life lessons. The cover displays a large, cartoony thought bubble with the words "DADTIME STORIES" in alphabet blocks. The author's name, Douglas Schwartz, below the bubble is also spelled out with alphabet blocks. The bubble looks like the author is thinking. All this is on a background of stripped "wallpaper" in two shades of calming blue.
June 5, 2025 at 5:20 PM
dougieschwartz.bsky.social
I do not get this.

Apart from wanting more money from the customer, why in the world would someone price the Kindle digital version the same price as the hardcover version? There are no printing or binding costs. No physical inventory storage costs. Why?!
A partial screenshot of the prices of a book on Amazon by the different media formats. Audio is "free" (with membership), paperback is five dollars, and hardcover and Kindle are both eight ninety nine.
May 25, 2025 at 2:18 PM
dougieschwartz.bsky.social
I’m may not be religious, but I appreciate how this picture of St Patrick’s Cathedral turned out with the single sun beam shining down upon it.

It reminded me of the Monty Python Quest for the Holy Grail conversation between Arthur and God.
A picture of St Patrick’s Cathedral in Dublin, Ireland taken from the side garden. From above-left, a single sun beam shines down upon the church as if spotlighting someone within the church. Did someone get a message from God? If so, what was it?
May 17, 2025 at 2:29 AM
dougieschwartz.bsky.social
Tomorrow, my daughter graduates summa cum laude with a degree in technical theatre. This is Audrey III, her decorated cap.
Mortar board cap decorated with a crocheted Audrey II from the musical Little Shop of Horrors. Beneath the leafs vines is a message reading, “Graduating somewhere that’s mean green.” This is a reference to UNT (Go mean green!).
May 10, 2025 at 2:34 AM
dougieschwartz.bsky.social
I wore my Bigfoot socks for Star Wars Day at work. It was the closest I had to representing Wookies. For all we know, Bigfoot could be a Wookie stuck on Earth. It would explain both UFOs and yetis. 🤷‍♂️
Bigfoot socks
May 4, 2025 at 5:01 PM
dougieschwartz.bsky.social
Starbucks of the future!

I wonder if it is programmed to write the wrong name on the cup. 🤔

May I speak to the robot overlord?
Coffee kiosk with a robotic arm to automatically fix the drinks.
April 15, 2025 at 12:19 PM
dougieschwartz.bsky.social
We went to a college performance of the Greek comedy The Frogs. Those kids did a great job. Our son played the lead character, Dionysus.
Me standing next to my son. He was dressed in a navy blue bed sheet as a toga, and I am in my Dr Who shirt with the quote from the episode Blink. The quote reads, “People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint it's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff.”
April 12, 2025 at 9:37 AM
dougieschwartz.bsky.social
The fortune cookie says…

“To lower your stress level, get a cat.”

What does your fortune cookie say? #fortune

www.checkeredscissors.com?cat=fortune-0
Black cat sitting on a desk holding the human’s hand who is trying to use the nearby keyboard.
April 11, 2025 at 12:58 PM
dougieschwartz.bsky.social
Proving a point that cats prefer sitting on things with corners.
A black cat sitting on a tile floor within an area marked off by four, metallic coasters in a square formation.
April 10, 2025 at 12:16 PM
dougieschwartz.bsky.social
Quote post with a favorite book from childhood.
The book cover of The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster. On a blue background, young Milo and the Watchdog (a dog with a clock for a torso) stare at each other.
April 10, 2025 at 3:08 AM