Paula - Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors.bsky.social
✨ Activist for abuse/trauma survivors Fierce advocate & proud mom | Adoptee | Blog https://open.substack.com/pub/defendsurvivors
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I grew up hearing the story of the wisdom of Solomon and how the real mother is the one that would sacrifice her baby so the baby would be okay. So why do we now glorify the woman that took the baby instead of the mother that made the sacrifice in adoption? #adopteevoices
December 1, 2025 at 9:05 PM
I grew up hearing the story of the wisdom of Solomon and how the real mother is the one that would sacrifice her baby so the baby would be okay. So why do we now glorify the woman that took the baby instead of the mother that made the sacrifice in adoption? #adopteevoices
Lying to a child about being adopted or about their identity creates a brain injury. Memories are created that aren’t true and connections made in the brain that aren’t accurate. Finding out everything you knew is a lie and trying to weed through the memories is devastating.
December 1, 2025 at 8:54 PM
Lying to a child about being adopted or about their identity creates a brain injury. Memories are created that aren’t true and connections made in the brain that aren’t accurate. Finding out everything you knew is a lie and trying to weed through the memories is devastating.
Abusers divide, isolate and manipulate the survivor to control who they have access to frequently through guilt. If an adoptive parent is doing this to an adult adoptee it’s abuse not love.
#adopteevoices
#adopteevoices
December 1, 2025 at 4:10 AM
Abusers divide, isolate and manipulate the survivor to control who they have access to frequently through guilt. If an adoptive parent is doing this to an adult adoptee it’s abuse not love.
#adopteevoices
#adopteevoices
People say it’s “not their secret to tell” but it’s also not your secret to keep if it’s something about a person they should know. Adoptees should always know they are adopted because lying is abuse.
#adopteevoices
#adopteevoices
December 1, 2025 at 3:59 AM
People say it’s “not their secret to tell” but it’s also not your secret to keep if it’s something about a person they should know. Adoptees should always know they are adopted because lying is abuse.
#adopteevoices
#adopteevoices
“It isn’t difficult for them to lie; it’s convenient. They avoid the hard conversations and the difficult emotions, and it lets them have the appearance of the ‘family’ they want. Plus, they get to, in their mind, be the savior and martyr.”
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
My Adoption Journey As A Late Discovery Adoptee
I can’t describe how devastating and traumatic it is to not only learn you are adopted, but also that you’ve been lied to your whole life.
open.substack.com
November 30, 2025 at 6:23 PM
“It isn’t difficult for them to lie; it’s convenient. They avoid the hard conversations and the difficult emotions, and it lets them have the appearance of the ‘family’ they want. Plus, they get to, in their mind, be the savior and martyr.”
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
The truth is that women are criticized for not leaving abuse, but when she does she frequently lives in poverty and alone while the abuser continues to live a beautiful life and stays friends with all the people that criticized her for not leaving.
November 29, 2025 at 5:54 PM
The truth is that women are criticized for not leaving abuse, but when she does she frequently lives in poverty and alone while the abuser continues to live a beautiful life and stays friends with all the people that criticized her for not leaving.
If adoptive parents gets upset when their adopted child talks about, spends time with, or looks for their biological family - that’s coercive control not love. #coercivecontrol #adopteevoices
November 29, 2025 at 5:40 AM
If adoptive parents gets upset when their adopted child talks about, spends time with, or looks for their biological family - that’s coercive control not love. #coercivecontrol #adopteevoices
We tell people that things change and it won’t always be this way but mothers in a crisis are told they have to decide at the moment of birth whether to or not to give their child away for life. #adoptionawareness
November 28, 2025 at 4:12 PM
We tell people that things change and it won’t always be this way but mothers in a crisis are told they have to decide at the moment of birth whether to or not to give their child away for life. #adoptionawareness
“What makes this even more infuriating is how often children are forced into contact with abusive family members under the false claim that “they love their children.” Love doesn’t look like abuse, control, or fear. Abuse is not love.”
#abuseisnotlove
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
#abuseisnotlove
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
November 28, 2025 at 3:59 PM
“What makes this even more infuriating is how often children are forced into contact with abusive family members under the false claim that “they love their children.” Love doesn’t look like abuse, control, or fear. Abuse is not love.”
#abuseisnotlove
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
#abuseisnotlove
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
No child should have to spend a holiday with an abuser. #childwelfare
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
Domestic Abuse IS Child Abuse
How do you torture someone? You make them watch or know that the person they love is being hurt. That’s what domestic abuse is for children.
open.substack.com
November 27, 2025 at 8:01 PM
No child should have to spend a holiday with an abuser. #childwelfare
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
When an abuser says “I love you” what they mean is they love controlling you.
#perpetrator101 #abuseisnotlove
#perpetrator101 #abuseisnotlove
November 26, 2025 at 8:20 PM
When an abuser says “I love you” what they mean is they love controlling you.
#perpetrator101 #abuseisnotlove
#perpetrator101 #abuseisnotlove
“Too often, survivors are forced to feel grateful for the smallest scraps of decency. Our society has lowered the bar so far that simply being told, “I don’t think you’re lying” is treated as if it’s an extraordinary kindness.”
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
Defend Survivors Truth-Telling Tuesday | Being Believed Is the Bare Minimum 💜
Quote Of The Day | September 2nd, 2025
open.substack.com
November 25, 2025 at 7:10 PM
“Too often, survivors are forced to feel grateful for the smallest scraps of decency. Our society has lowered the bar so far that simply being told, “I don’t think you’re lying” is treated as if it’s an extraordinary kindness.”
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
We are all donor conceived. We are all here because two people’s genetics created us. The question is who is being donated to - not the people ‘wanting a baby’ but to the human being. It’s about the child - not the parents. #adopteerights #childrights
November 25, 2025 at 6:54 PM
We are all donor conceived. We are all here because two people’s genetics created us. The question is who is being donated to - not the people ‘wanting a baby’ but to the human being. It’s about the child - not the parents. #adopteerights #childrights
We don’t have an anxious generation and a mental health epidemic because of cell phones. We have a generation that had their traumas minimized, stigmatized, and they live with fear in places they were told were safe.
November 25, 2025 at 12:56 PM
We don’t have an anxious generation and a mental health epidemic because of cell phones. We have a generation that had their traumas minimized, stigmatized, and they live with fear in places they were told were safe.
“The truth is that many mean people ARE happy with themselves.” - in fact they are the hero in their own delusional story.
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
Why Saying That Mean People Are Not Happy With Themselves Is Harmful To Survivors
So many ‘healing’ messages for survivors are actually making excuses for abusers. This quote is no different.
open.substack.com
November 24, 2025 at 9:46 PM
“The truth is that many mean people ARE happy with themselves.” - in fact they are the hero in their own delusional story.
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
Victims become the villain in every abuser’s hero story.
#perpetrator101
#perpetrator101
November 24, 2025 at 4:24 PM
Victims become the villain in every abuser’s hero story.
#perpetrator101
#perpetrator101
If you think infant adoption is beautiful that’s probably because of a well executed propaganda campaign that supports a 25 billion dollar adoption industry. It time for adoption to be exposed as the human rights violation that it is. #adopteerights #HumanRights
November 23, 2025 at 6:39 PM
If you think infant adoption is beautiful that’s probably because of a well executed propaganda campaign that supports a 25 billion dollar adoption industry. It time for adoption to be exposed as the human rights violation that it is. #adopteerights #HumanRights
“Sometimes, anger is the healthy way out of toxic empathy. For many survivors, anger is needed to help them dig out of the trenches of the abuser’s manipulation and gaslighting.”
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
Survivors are rightfully angry and you should be too
Why are people more disturbed by a survivor’s anger than they are by a perpetrator’s crimes?
open.substack.com
November 23, 2025 at 6:28 PM
“Sometimes, anger is the healthy way out of toxic empathy. For many survivors, anger is needed to help them dig out of the trenches of the abuser’s manipulation and gaslighting.”
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
Many survivors don’t know what is happening to them is abuse but even if they start to see it they are then often told they don’t have a right to be upset about it. That’s why anger can be healing. You should be angry about what happened to you - and so should everyone else.
November 23, 2025 at 4:36 AM
Many survivors don’t know what is happening to them is abuse but even if they start to see it they are then often told they don’t have a right to be upset about it. That’s why anger can be healing. You should be angry about what happened to you - and so should everyone else.
5 words most used by abusers to control? “Till death do us part”
November 22, 2025 at 3:34 AM
5 words most used by abusers to control? “Till death do us part”
“Watching an abuser gain sympathy or protection from the very people and systems that should be standing with survivors is one of the deepest injustices imaginable.”
Survivors deserve sympathy - not perpetrators.
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
Survivors deserve sympathy - not perpetrators.
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
November 21, 2025 at 6:37 PM
“Watching an abuser gain sympathy or protection from the very people and systems that should be standing with survivors is one of the deepest injustices imaginable.”
Survivors deserve sympathy - not perpetrators.
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
Survivors deserve sympathy - not perpetrators.
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
“You shouldn’t be lying about how much the perpetrator ‘loves’ their family - no they don’t, or they wouldn’t have horrifically harmed another human being.”
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
Why shouldn't you give a character reference for an abuser?
Everyone says they are against abuse until the perpetrator is someone they know.
open.substack.com
November 21, 2025 at 2:24 PM
“You shouldn’t be lying about how much the perpetrator ‘loves’ their family - no they don’t, or they wouldn’t have horrifically harmed another human being.”
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
The courts become very concerned about a child knowing their identity when they are protecting a perpetrator but they change children’s identities every day and seal the records to support a 25 billion dollar adoption industry.
#childrights
#childrights
November 21, 2025 at 2:40 AM
The courts become very concerned about a child knowing their identity when they are protecting a perpetrator but they change children’s identities every day and seal the records to support a 25 billion dollar adoption industry.
#childrights
#childrights
The courts become very concerned about ‘family preservation’ when they are protecting a perpetrator but not when it’s a loving mother in a crisis being coerced into adoption.
November 21, 2025 at 2:16 AM
The courts become very concerned about ‘family preservation’ when they are protecting a perpetrator but not when it’s a loving mother in a crisis being coerced into adoption.
Survivors don’t have to become a ‘success story,’ they just need to be able to live the life they want to live.
#respectsurvivors
#respectsurvivors
November 20, 2025 at 6:46 PM
Survivors don’t have to become a ‘success story,’ they just need to be able to live the life they want to live.
#respectsurvivors
#respectsurvivors