Paula - Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors.bsky.social
✨ Activist for abuse/trauma survivors Fierce advocate & proud mom | Adoptee | Blog https://open.substack.com/pub/defendsurvivors
🛍️ Worthy & Wonderful Shop https://worthywonderfulshop.etsy.com
🛍️ Worthy & Wonderful Shop https://worthywonderfulshop.etsy.com
I didn’t even know my mother existed for the first 20 years of my life. I didn’t find her until I was 58. #adoptionistrauma
December 10, 2025 at 2:24 AM
I didn’t even know my mother existed for the first 20 years of my life. I didn’t find her until I was 58. #adoptionistrauma
“Her birth mother chose us to be her parents” is a human rights violation. “Her mother asked us to step in and care for her child as long as needed.” Is child welfare. One is about ownership. One is about caring for a child.
#adoptionistrauma
#adoptionistrauma
December 9, 2025 at 11:46 PM
“Her birth mother chose us to be her parents” is a human rights violation. “Her mother asked us to step in and care for her child as long as needed.” Is child welfare. One is about ownership. One is about caring for a child.
#adoptionistrauma
#adoptionistrauma
In most situations someone saying they want a baby and are looking for how to get a baby would be a serious red flag, right? But for some reason this has not just become accepted as normal but is celebrated as beautiful. #makeitmakesense #adoptiontrauma
December 9, 2025 at 11:33 PM
In most situations someone saying they want a baby and are looking for how to get a baby would be a serious red flag, right? But for some reason this has not just become accepted as normal but is celebrated as beautiful. #makeitmakesense #adoptiontrauma
Adoptees have been left out of the human rights conversation for too long. We’re not just left out of it but told to be grateful for it and people celebrate it.
#adopteerights #HumanRights
#adopteerights #HumanRights
December 9, 2025 at 6:49 PM
Adoptees have been left out of the human rights conversation for too long. We’re not just left out of it but told to be grateful for it and people celebrate it.
#adopteerights #HumanRights
#adopteerights #HumanRights
If adoptive parents gets upset when their adopted child talks about, spends time with, or looks for their biological family - that’s emotional blackmail, not love. #coercivecontrol #adopteevoices
December 9, 2025 at 3:32 PM
If adoptive parents gets upset when their adopted child talks about, spends time with, or looks for their biological family - that’s emotional blackmail, not love. #coercivecontrol #adopteevoices
Why are children writing letters to Santa from domestic violence shelters? Because they were failed by every system that was supposed to protect them and their mothers.
#domesticabuseischildabuse
#domesticabuseischildabuse
December 9, 2025 at 2:53 PM
Why are children writing letters to Santa from domestic violence shelters? Because they were failed by every system that was supposed to protect them and their mothers.
#domesticabuseischildabuse
#domesticabuseischildabuse
It’s shocking to me that with all the deconstructing and fights for human rights that adoption has not only gone unscathed but is universally praised. Adoption is a 25 billion dollar industry, human rights violation, and erasure of identities upheld by high control religions
December 9, 2025 at 5:57 AM
It’s shocking to me that with all the deconstructing and fights for human rights that adoption has not only gone unscathed but is universally praised. Adoption is a 25 billion dollar industry, human rights violation, and erasure of identities upheld by high control religions
Adoptees may choose not to search for their family out of self preservation because consciously or unconsciously they know if they do they may loose the only ‘family’ they know. #adopteevoices #coercivecontrol
December 9, 2025 at 4:52 AM
Adoptees may choose not to search for their family out of self preservation because consciously or unconsciously they know if they do they may loose the only ‘family’ they know. #adopteevoices #coercivecontrol
I’ve lived my whole life not knowing who I am. I raised my children not knowing who I am. It’s not okay to do this to people and call it ‘beautiful’. For me, adoption didn’t save me - it stole my life.
#adopteevoices
#adopteevoices
December 8, 2025 at 9:43 PM
I’ve lived my whole life not knowing who I am. I raised my children not knowing who I am. It’s not okay to do this to people and call it ‘beautiful’. For me, adoption didn’t save me - it stole my life.
#adopteevoices
#adopteevoices
Adoptees don’t want to be a feather in your saviorism hat.
#adopteevoices
#adopteevoices
December 8, 2025 at 8:11 PM
Adoptees don’t want to be a feather in your saviorism hat.
#adopteevoices
#adopteevoices
Stop making survivor and victim bad words and start making perpetrator and abuser bad words.
December 7, 2025 at 3:36 PM
Stop making survivor and victim bad words and start making perpetrator and abuser bad words.
Domestic abuse victims don’t need charity- they need protection and restoration.
youtube.com/shorts/zw2eK...
youtube.com/shorts/zw2eK...
How to help domestic violence victims? #shorts
YouTube video by Defend Survivors
youtube.com
December 7, 2025 at 3:04 PM
Domestic abuse victims don’t need charity- they need protection and restoration.
youtube.com/shorts/zw2eK...
youtube.com/shorts/zw2eK...
Why are mothers in domestic abuse shelters relying on angel trees to give presents to their children? Because they were failed by every system that was supposed to protect them.
December 6, 2025 at 7:31 PM
Why are mothers in domestic abuse shelters relying on angel trees to give presents to their children? Because they were failed by every system that was supposed to protect them.
If people only knew and cared how much even the smallest amount of validation means to a survivor…
December 6, 2025 at 2:06 AM
If people only knew and cared how much even the smallest amount of validation means to a survivor…
The harder things get the less energy and mental capacity the person has to deal with it. Then people add to the trauma with hurtful ‘helping’ messages like “you’re the only one that can fix this” or “no one’s coming to save you.” Survivors need stress taken off not added on.
December 6, 2025 at 12:28 AM
The harder things get the less energy and mental capacity the person has to deal with it. Then people add to the trauma with hurtful ‘helping’ messages like “you’re the only one that can fix this” or “no one’s coming to save you.” Survivors need stress taken off not added on.
The problem isn’t that you’re eliminating toxic people from your life - the problem is there are toxic people in your life.
December 5, 2025 at 11:37 PM
The problem isn’t that you’re eliminating toxic people from your life - the problem is there are toxic people in your life.
“Too often, society shifts blame onto survivors. But the blame belongs squarely at the feet of the perpetrator. Survivors don’t need to "let go" of shame — they need a world that never put it on them in the first place.”
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
Defend Survivors Forgiveness Friday | “You Did Nothing Wrong” 💜
Quote Of The Day July 25th, 2025
open.substack.com
December 5, 2025 at 6:06 PM
“Too often, society shifts blame onto survivors. But the blame belongs squarely at the feet of the perpetrator. Survivors don’t need to "let go" of shame — they need a world that never put it on them in the first place.”
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
Shocking isn’t it, how many times people try to make the survivor the problem.
#stopvictimblaming
#stopvictimblaming
December 5, 2025 at 1:51 AM
Shocking isn’t it, how many times people try to make the survivor the problem.
#stopvictimblaming
#stopvictimblaming
The problem is not that it’s a ‘trend’ to not have contact with abusive people - the problem is that abusive people have never been held accountable and survivors supported. #nocontact
December 5, 2025 at 1:04 AM
The problem is not that it’s a ‘trend’ to not have contact with abusive people - the problem is that abusive people have never been held accountable and survivors supported. #nocontact
“So many people want to explain a survivor’s trauma back to them. They want to tell them what it means, how they should feel about it, and how they should heal. But the truth is absolutely no one understands that trauma more than the survivor themselves.”
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
Defend Survivors Therapy Thursday | Trauma-Informed Means Listening to Survivors
Quote Of The Day | August 14th, 2025
open.substack.com
December 4, 2025 at 11:50 PM
“So many people want to explain a survivor’s trauma back to them. They want to tell them what it means, how they should feel about it, and how they should heal. But the truth is absolutely no one understands that trauma more than the survivor themselves.”
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
open.substack.com/pub/defendsu...
One of the best things you can do for a survivor is to help them not accept the guilt, blame, shame, and responsibility that belongs others. Unfortunately too often ‘prevention’ messages do the exact opposite.
December 4, 2025 at 9:03 PM
One of the best things you can do for a survivor is to help them not accept the guilt, blame, shame, and responsibility that belongs others. Unfortunately too often ‘prevention’ messages do the exact opposite.
If someone responds with a personal attack that’s an immediate block. We’ve already lived through and survived abuse many of us multiple times. We certainly are not tolerating more abuse from strangers online.
December 4, 2025 at 8:56 PM
If someone responds with a personal attack that’s an immediate block. We’ve already lived through and survived abuse many of us multiple times. We certainly are not tolerating more abuse from strangers online.
It’s great to raise money to give abused children holiday presents but what they really need is to be defended and to get out of abuse. Protective parents need to be supported so THEY can provide for their child’s needs. #priorities #believeprotectdefend
December 4, 2025 at 5:12 AM
It’s great to raise money to give abused children holiday presents but what they really need is to be defended and to get out of abuse. Protective parents need to be supported so THEY can provide for their child’s needs. #priorities #believeprotectdefend
It took a DNA test and a phone call with a matched cousin to find out my mother was alive. That no one, the state or my adoptive family, thought I was worth knowing that or that my mother was worth knowing hurts so much. Adoption is trauma. #adopteevoices #reunion
December 3, 2025 at 2:17 PM
It took a DNA test and a phone call with a matched cousin to find out my mother was alive. That no one, the state or my adoptive family, thought I was worth knowing that or that my mother was worth knowing hurts so much. Adoption is trauma. #adopteevoices #reunion
Many people don’t realize how toxic something is until they’re out of it. You get to decide when it’s over for you. You don’t have to justify that to anyone else. You can just accept other people won’t understand it and feel like the hurt party but for you it’s freedom.
December 2, 2025 at 7:20 PM
Many people don’t realize how toxic something is until they’re out of it. You get to decide when it’s over for you. You don’t have to justify that to anyone else. You can just accept other people won’t understand it and feel like the hurt party but for you it’s freedom.