Roger ap Gwilliam won a landslide victory because he promised to explain the episode

Happy Mothah’s Day to my mothah G’rnnsthwp. I don’t get to see her a lot these days since she retired to spend eternity in the twisted sunken city of our people, but she’s the best abomination a boy could ask for. Love ya Ma!

Watching that new One Piece show, and I gotta say, this Arlong guy has got some good ideas.

Went to visit my nana up in Oakmont today. You think people never shut up about the Blizzard of 78? Ask an Oakmonter about the fahking Flood. I mean there ain’t a lot of them left, but the ones who were there a hundred yeahs ago? They’ll let you fahking know, whethah you want to heah it or not.

Alright, I'm open to any offahs. Cthulhu, Dagon, the King in Yellow, whoevah. I'll happily sell my soul and sanity to anyone who will make this fahking Pat's season stop.

Went up to Whateley Farms to do some apple picking. They had an orchahd that was sealed off from the public but I went in anyway and picked a couple. They look fine but they taste like squid mixed with a tangerine. I think one is whispering the dahk secrets of the universe to me from the crispah.

I don't get why everyone's complaining about this emergency broadcast thing. You wanna heah something real awful, you should find Dahk Young of Shub-Niggurath. Those things'll drive ya mad. I got one that roots around in my gahbage at three in the morning. Noisest mothahfuckah you've ever heard.

Ma came to visit today. Her bulging eyes and glistening scales reminded me that one day I too will give in to the call of home, cast aside this half-formed human shell and join her beneath the waves. Also, she made her meatloaf, which is my fahking favorite, kid.

This Pat's game is a horrah show. And trust me, I've seen some horrah. Like the twisted towahs of sunken R'lyeh. Or that last Celtics playoff game.