If you really commit to the bit, you’ll take the Willis Ave bridge instead!

What’s the lesson? Probably a bunch of different things. But I’d start here.

By far my least favorite social media tic. And I even thought Mamdani would do just fine today. But seeing him dogwalk Trump like this was otherworldly. You can still be amazed at something even if you profess not to be surprised!

Good night, everyone!

I really believe that Trump finally had his first good hang in years. That guy can’t vibe with a weirdo like Mike Johnson! But Mamdani is pure New York, and something awoke a dormant lobe in Trump’s lizard brain.

Among other things: Act like a winner, walk with your spine straight and your head held high, be personable but absolutely firm in your convictions, don't give off loser energy, never let Trump think you want something from him—make him want something from you, and, very possibly, be a New Yorker.

At first I thought you were doing an NYT pitchbot pitch! "Was Zohran Mamdani *too* charming in the Oval Office?"

Man. Talk about proving my point. "I'm gonna keep insulting your faith whether you like it or not." Get bent.

LOL Jesse why am I *quite* certain that these folks are not basing their dumb alliterative insults on scholarly explications of ancient midrashim?

Yeah, still not okay.

And get a haircut that doesn't look like you're aping Kelvin Gemstone