Chilliwack Daily Chronicle (Satire)
@chillychronicle.bsky.social
We provide much needed Parody news headlines that are completely made up, yet are somewhat believable in this crazy world our readers exist in.
This Team Canada Olympic update is brought to you by our sponsors LeChapo Lip Balm and McCrackin Parcel Sevices.
February 4, 2026 at 2:42 AM
This Team Canada Olympic update is brought to you by our sponsors LeChapo Lip Balm and McCrackin Parcel Sevices.
@bcferrys.bsky.social is there any availability on tomorrows 8pm sailing to Genoa, Italy?
February 4, 2026 at 2:14 AM
@bcferrys.bsky.social is there any availability on tomorrows 8pm sailing to Genoa, Italy?
Chilliwack’s own Jedediah Klassen expected to bring home gold in the 2000m umbrella pursuit.
February 4, 2026 at 2:11 AM
Chilliwack’s own Jedediah Klassen expected to bring home gold in the 2000m umbrella pursuit.
Due to ongoing extortion threats, we have no choice but to resume providing high quality parody news to you.
February 4, 2026 at 2:04 AM
Due to ongoing extortion threats, we have no choice but to resume providing high quality parody news to you.
Merry Christmas #chilliwack, and may your holidays be filled with joy, parody, and free of frivolous lawsuits!
December 25, 2025 at 4:32 AM
Merry Christmas #chilliwack, and may your holidays be filled with joy, parody, and free of frivolous lawsuits!
This Christmas, please consider giving to Briane from #chilliwack to help her in her pursuit of happiness through the purchase of Lions bingo tickets.
December 24, 2025 at 12:14 AM
This Christmas, please consider giving to Briane from #chilliwack to help her in her pursuit of happiness through the purchase of Lions bingo tickets.
Reposted by Chilliwack Daily Chronicle (Satire)
Sunday’s deep dive article was supposed to be an in-depth look at cyberterrorists. But our hard-of-hearing reporter just gave us 5,000 words on the fiberterrorists who force people to take their Metamucil.
December 20, 2025 at 9:24 PM
Sunday’s deep dive article was supposed to be an in-depth look at cyberterrorists. But our hard-of-hearing reporter just gave us 5,000 words on the fiberterrorists who force people to take their Metamucil.
We are as shocked as you are, #chilliwack.
December 20, 2025 at 8:19 PM
We are as shocked as you are, #chilliwack.
We’re sending our entertainment reporter to the Trump Kennedy Center for a performance by musician Kandy McPealing performing Beethovens violin study in g string.
Less coverage later.
Less coverage later.
December 19, 2025 at 6:24 AM
We’re sending our entertainment reporter to the Trump Kennedy Center for a performance by musician Kandy McPealing performing Beethovens violin study in g string.
Less coverage later.
Less coverage later.
Our IT department hacked into a remote private network and obtained this unreleased artistic rendition of a soon to be defiled iconic carving.
December 19, 2025 at 6:07 AM
Our IT department hacked into a remote private network and obtained this unreleased artistic rendition of a soon to be defiled iconic carving.
Expect delays on all BC Ferry sailings to Costco Abbotsford departing from Chilliwack.
December 12, 2025 at 8:26 PM
Expect delays on all BC Ferry sailings to Costco Abbotsford departing from Chilliwack.
Reposted by Chilliwack Daily Chronicle (Satire)
We have reduced our sailing times on major routes by 700% !!
November 29, 2025 at 9:25 PM
We have reduced our sailing times on major routes by 700% !!
Please give a follow to the real Chilliwack news on Facebook. They’re doing a wonderful job of satirical news.
We have no affiliation with them, this has been a fun creative outlet and we are happy to symbolically “pass the torch” and move onto something new.
We have no affiliation with them, this has been a fun creative outlet and we are happy to symbolically “pass the torch” and move onto something new.
December 3, 2025 at 4:44 PM
Please give a follow to the real Chilliwack news on Facebook. They’re doing a wonderful job of satirical news.
We have no affiliation with them, this has been a fun creative outlet and we are happy to symbolically “pass the torch” and move onto something new.
We have no affiliation with them, this has been a fun creative outlet and we are happy to symbolically “pass the torch” and move onto something new.
BC Parks is urging boaters headed to Cultus Lake to use caution when speeding across the lake with visible packages of narcotics on board.
December 3, 2025 at 1:59 AM
BC Parks is urging boaters headed to Cultus Lake to use caution when speeding across the lake with visible packages of narcotics on board.
We’re currently selling baskets woven from corn husks to raise $45k so we can acquire a legal team to help us sort through unexpected “legal” issues.
An enraged Carin Bondar was seen riding a wrecking ball into Barry Neufeld’s house after he failed to pay $45,000 in court fees after losing a defamation suit for calling her a “strip tease artist”.
#chilliwack #trustytrustees
#chilliwack #trustytrustees
November 25, 2025 at 5:42 PM
We’re currently selling baskets woven from corn husks to raise $45k so we can acquire a legal team to help us sort through unexpected “legal” issues.
An enraged Carin Bondar was seen riding a wrecking ball into Barry Neufeld’s house after he failed to pay $45,000 in court fees after losing a defamation suit for calling her a “strip tease artist”.
#chilliwack #trustytrustees
#chilliwack #trustytrustees
November 24, 2025 at 10:11 PM
An enraged Carin Bondar was seen riding a wrecking ball into Barry Neufeld’s house after he failed to pay $45,000 in court fees after losing a defamation suit for calling her a “strip tease artist”.
#chilliwack #trustytrustees
#chilliwack #trustytrustees
Chilliwack city council vehemently opposes Alberta’s proposal to twin the Fentanyl pipeline under Wellington Street, fearing lost used book sales.
November 21, 2025 at 2:34 AM
Chilliwack city council vehemently opposes Alberta’s proposal to twin the Fentanyl pipeline under Wellington Street, fearing lost used book sales.
Breaking: 300 Chilliwack liberals test positive for H1N1 bird flu.
November 9, 2025 at 3:00 AM
Breaking: 300 Chilliwack liberals test positive for H1N1 bird flu.
Costco customers are reporting that the food counter hot dogs are best eaten culled.
November 9, 2025 at 1:46 AM
Costco customers are reporting that the food counter hot dogs are best eaten culled.
A University of the Fraser Valley study has proven the Shroud of Sardis has an authentic image of Adam Vedder.
November 7, 2025 at 8:53 PM
A University of the Fraser Valley study has proven the Shroud of Sardis has an authentic image of Adam Vedder.
Reposted by Chilliwack Daily Chronicle (Satire)
Conservative MP thinking of crossing floor wakes up with severed head of a John A. Macdonald statue in his bed
Conservative MP thinking of crossing floor wakes up with severed head of a John A. Macdonald statue in his bed
OTTAWA – Milton Smolyak, a “red tory” who has been rumoured to be mulling over a switch to the Liberal Party, woke up this morning with the severed head of a John A. Macdonald statue in his bed. “I wa...
thebeaverton.com
November 7, 2025 at 6:41 PM
Conservative MP thinking of crossing floor wakes up with severed head of a John A. Macdonald statue in his bed
Some parents say the new M&M Singles are a great Halloween treat, the children we asked aren’t so sure.
More later.
More later.
November 6, 2025 at 4:55 PM
Some parents say the new M&M Singles are a great Halloween treat, the children we asked aren’t so sure.
More later.
More later.
Chilliwack aims to reduce endangered bird deaths by enforcing rules on foul hooking.
November 4, 2025 at 3:24 AM
Chilliwack aims to reduce endangered bird deaths by enforcing rules on foul hooking.
November 2, 2025 at 1:30 AM
We’d like to congratulate the formerly Prince Andrew on his new appointment as the Prince of Fails.
October 30, 2025 at 9:18 PM
We’d like to congratulate the formerly Prince Andrew on his new appointment as the Prince of Fails.