Captain Caiman
@captaincaiman.bsky.social
Professional Pansexual Reptile.
Lover of all things NSFW.
Message me if you want to get freaky or if you want to hear my best dad joke.
Don't beg me to commission you, I spend all my money on 55 gallon drums of lube.
🔞 No minors allowed 🔞
Lover of all things NSFW.
Message me if you want to get freaky or if you want to hear my best dad joke.
Don't beg me to commission you, I spend all my money on 55 gallon drums of lube.
🔞 No minors allowed 🔞
Always the Hoesmaid, never the Hoe 😢
December 3, 2025 at 12:42 PM
Always the Hoesmaid, never the Hoe 😢
I just slept for like 17 hours straight. Would've been a great time for someone to repeatedly play with my dick and balls. Just saying...
November 29, 2025 at 1:54 AM
I just slept for like 17 hours straight. Would've been a great time for someone to repeatedly play with my dick and balls. Just saying...
Ugh, developing a crush on a friend is such a terrible feeling. Bad brain! Quit thinking about holding hands!
November 25, 2025 at 9:46 AM
Ugh, developing a crush on a friend is such a terrible feeling. Bad brain! Quit thinking about holding hands!
Head from a girl with hyperfixations
November 23, 2025 at 11:06 AM
Head from a girl with hyperfixations
Shoutout to my favorite clown, one of these days I really should give you a tribute~
November 22, 2025 at 7:00 PM
Shoutout to my favorite clown, one of these days I really should give you a tribute~
Anybody wanna use my junk to keep their hands warm?
November 17, 2025 at 8:10 PM
Anybody wanna use my junk to keep their hands warm?
I must be in heat or something cuz godDAMN. The horny is all consuming, I'm gonna be stroking in my sleep at this rate
November 8, 2025 at 9:16 PM
I must be in heat or something cuz godDAMN. The horny is all consuming, I'm gonna be stroking in my sleep at this rate
I just wanna clarify that my DMs are in fact open for those who want dad jokes or kinky stuff.
Just a lil reminder...
Just a lil reminder...
November 8, 2025 at 2:18 AM
I just wanna clarify that my DMs are in fact open for those who want dad jokes or kinky stuff.
Just a lil reminder...
Just a lil reminder...
Fun Fact: Laying out in your backyard and touching yourself by the light of the full moon is really rad
November 7, 2025 at 5:42 AM
Fun Fact: Laying out in your backyard and touching yourself by the light of the full moon is really rad
And now I'm hard.
I had plans too! I was gonna silk my song, now I have to stroke my dong. And you're to blame! You know who you are...
I had plans too! I was gonna silk my song, now I have to stroke my dong. And you're to blame! You know who you are...
November 6, 2025 at 7:36 AM
And now I'm hard.
I had plans too! I was gonna silk my song, now I have to stroke my dong. And you're to blame! You know who you are...
I had plans too! I was gonna silk my song, now I have to stroke my dong. And you're to blame! You know who you are...
I'd kiss all my moots on the mouth
with consent of course
with consent of course
November 6, 2025 at 7:02 AM
I'd kiss all my moots on the mouth
with consent of course
with consent of course
Ayo who wants to cum with me every day for Nonstop Nut November?
November 1, 2025 at 9:20 PM
Ayo who wants to cum with me every day for Nonstop Nut November?
Doing shots of Baja Blast and Everclear out of my 2010 McDonald's Shrek Forever After Puss in Boots Cup previously recalled for high levels of toxic cadmium.
Like a boss.
Like a boss.
October 25, 2025 at 9:50 PM
Doing shots of Baja Blast and Everclear out of my 2010 McDonald's Shrek Forever After Puss in Boots Cup previously recalled for high levels of toxic cadmium.
Like a boss.
Like a boss.
I really gotta step up my game. Who's gonna sing power ballads about revenge for me when I die in a heroic sacrifice? I gotta fuck more bards, man
October 24, 2025 at 5:41 AM
I really gotta step up my game. Who's gonna sing power ballads about revenge for me when I die in a heroic sacrifice? I gotta fuck more bards, man
Reposted by Captain Caiman
An illogically large dildo. Like 8 feet long. And not firm either, it just flops and bends if you try to stand it up. A big stupid dildo.
October 15, 2025 at 8:36 PM
An illogically large dildo. Like 8 feet long. And not firm either, it just flops and bends if you try to stand it up. A big stupid dildo.
Does anyone wanna make out sloppy style and watch Jim Henson's Labyrinth with me?
October 9, 2025 at 10:37 AM
Does anyone wanna make out sloppy style and watch Jim Henson's Labyrinth with me?
By the way, I'm an Artificer, hehe
October 8, 2025 at 1:16 PM
By the way, I'm an Artificer, hehe
Should I do more of these kinky breakdowns in the future? Maybe stuff like Pokemon Types or Marvel Rivals Mains? I'm open to suggestions, it's fun to dissect the levels of kinky in things!
October 8, 2025 at 1:13 PM
Should I do more of these kinky breakdowns in the future? Maybe stuff like Pokemon Types or Marvel Rivals Mains? I'm open to suggestions, it's fun to dissect the levels of kinky in things!
Alright, here's what your D&D class says about how you fuck.
BARBARIANS can and will rearrange your insides, so bite that pillow and say your prayers. However, they're also aftercare PROS, and may even have a wheelchair on hand to get you safely to the bathroom for a cleanup and some vitamin gummies
BARBARIANS can and will rearrange your insides, so bite that pillow and say your prayers. However, they're also aftercare PROS, and may even have a wheelchair on hand to get you safely to the bathroom for a cleanup and some vitamin gummies
October 8, 2025 at 12:09 PM
Alright, here's what your D&D class says about how you fuck.
BARBARIANS can and will rearrange your insides, so bite that pillow and say your prayers. However, they're also aftercare PROS, and may even have a wheelchair on hand to get you safely to the bathroom for a cleanup and some vitamin gummies
BARBARIANS can and will rearrange your insides, so bite that pillow and say your prayers. However, they're also aftercare PROS, and may even have a wheelchair on hand to get you safely to the bathroom for a cleanup and some vitamin gummies
I fucking love D&D nerds because you can gauge exactly how exciting they'll be in bed based on how they roleplay in D&D. This is scientifically proven fact.
October 8, 2025 at 8:20 AM
I fucking love D&D nerds because you can gauge exactly how exciting they'll be in bed based on how they roleplay in D&D. This is scientifically proven fact.
Don't follow me if you're an AI page. Get bent, go back to sucking off robots.
October 7, 2025 at 6:11 AM
Don't follow me if you're an AI page. Get bent, go back to sucking off robots.
I saw the most flawless twink at the arcade today. By god, he was astounding. He had the body of Timothée Chalamet in that movie "Bones and All" and the face that could've been chiseled in a Roman bathhouse. I miss you, beautiful arcade twink. You were too perfect for me, too hot, too beautiful.
October 5, 2025 at 10:46 AM
I saw the most flawless twink at the arcade today. By god, he was astounding. He had the body of Timothée Chalamet in that movie "Bones and All" and the face that could've been chiseled in a Roman bathhouse. I miss you, beautiful arcade twink. You were too perfect for me, too hot, too beautiful.
Had a friend tell me that monster fuckers are statistically more likely to date a conventionally unattractive partner. Raise your hand if he speaks the truth, creature kissers!
October 2, 2025 at 3:27 PM
Had a friend tell me that monster fuckers are statistically more likely to date a conventionally unattractive partner. Raise your hand if he speaks the truth, creature kissers!
Forgot that I unplugged my phone charger to plug in my wand vibe and the phone died mid-buzz. It's a good thing I've got a vivid imagination and a very strong toy, lol
September 29, 2025 at 11:24 AM
Forgot that I unplugged my phone charger to plug in my wand vibe and the phone died mid-buzz. It's a good thing I've got a vivid imagination and a very strong toy, lol