BJ Knisley
@brookeknisley.bsky.social
Writer. Comedy. Tech Bro(oke). Disabled.
Bylines in HuffPost, Paste Magazine, Vulture, McSweeney's, Weekly Humorist, Shouts & Murmurs, etc. she/they
🩸If you DM me, I'll probably throw up blood.
Bylines in HuffPost, Paste Magazine, Vulture, McSweeney's, Weekly Humorist, Shouts & Murmurs, etc. she/they
🩸If you DM me, I'll probably throw up blood.
Pinned
BJ Knisley
@brookeknisley.bsky.social
· Nov 20
Friend: My sister is trying riddlin'
Me: That's cool—rhyming n puzzles n shit
Friend: .....uh
Ritalin. The sister is trying Ritalin.
Me: That's cool—rhyming n puzzles n shit
Friend: .....uh
Ritalin. The sister is trying Ritalin.
It's funny.....in therapy I'm told over-explaining is a trauma response that I shouldn't do. In my work life, over-explaining is what stops stakeholders from throwing up blood.
Stakeholders = trauma
Q.E.D., and thus it is proved
Stakeholders = trauma
Q.E.D., and thus it is proved
November 5, 2025 at 4:01 PM
It's funny.....in therapy I'm told over-explaining is a trauma response that I shouldn't do. In my work life, over-explaining is what stops stakeholders from throwing up blood.
Stakeholders = trauma
Q.E.D., and thus it is proved
Stakeholders = trauma
Q.E.D., and thus it is proved
The only sort of acceptable "U up?" message
October 6, 2025 at 10:12 PM
The only sort of acceptable "U up?" message
If your self-worth isn't defined by your accomplishments, then what is the appropriate unit of measure?? HMM????
October 2, 2025 at 2:35 PM
If your self-worth isn't defined by your accomplishments, then what is the appropriate unit of measure?? HMM????
Reposted by BJ Knisley
As if the Washington Post wasn't bad enough... body shaming
November 23, 2024 at 6:44 PM
As if the Washington Post wasn't bad enough... body shaming
Am I 82 years old......or do I have a severe traumatic brain injury? Experts, weigh in! (Jk, pls don't)
www.realsimple.com/test-how-wel...
www.realsimple.com/test-how-wel...
4 Simple Challenges That Reveal How Well Your Body Is Really Aging
Longevity experts share four simple challenges that can help you test how well your body is aging.
www.realsimple.com
September 9, 2025 at 7:22 PM
Am I 82 years old......or do I have a severe traumatic brain injury? Experts, weigh in! (Jk, pls don't)
www.realsimple.com/test-how-wel...
www.realsimple.com/test-how-wel...
Orson Welles is the only person I'd wanna contact during a seance
August 28, 2025 at 4:30 PM
Orson Welles is the only person I'd wanna contact during a seance
Me, in the night, in the dark:
Are waffles considered fried or grilled? Ironed doesn't seem right
Are waffles considered fried or grilled? Ironed doesn't seem right
August 23, 2025 at 5:06 AM
Me, in the night, in the dark:
Are waffles considered fried or grilled? Ironed doesn't seem right
Are waffles considered fried or grilled? Ironed doesn't seem right
This seems like an adequate fix, but it is not
For the 2028 Olympics, Los Angeles plans to expand its subway system to increase accessibility.
This is a reminder that:
1. LA has a subway system
2. The project is already behind schedule
3. In the likely event transit isn't ready, Olympians will chauffeur spectators to events by piggyback ride
This is a reminder that:
1. LA has a subway system
2. The project is already behind schedule
3. In the likely event transit isn't ready, Olympians will chauffeur spectators to events by piggyback ride
August 8, 2025 at 7:27 PM
This seems like an adequate fix, but it is not
For the 2028 Olympics, Los Angeles plans to expand its subway system to increase accessibility.
This is a reminder that:
1. LA has a subway system
2. The project is already behind schedule
3. In the likely event transit isn't ready, Olympians will chauffeur spectators to events by piggyback ride
This is a reminder that:
1. LA has a subway system
2. The project is already behind schedule
3. In the likely event transit isn't ready, Olympians will chauffeur spectators to events by piggyback ride
August 8, 2025 at 4:16 PM
For the 2028 Olympics, Los Angeles plans to expand its subway system to increase accessibility.
This is a reminder that:
1. LA has a subway system
2. The project is already behind schedule
3. In the likely event transit isn't ready, Olympians will chauffeur spectators to events by piggyback ride
This is a reminder that:
1. LA has a subway system
2. The project is already behind schedule
3. In the likely event transit isn't ready, Olympians will chauffeur spectators to events by piggyback ride
Reposted by BJ Knisley
“Vanilla Folgers because I have yet to discover decent coffee.” By @brookeknisley.bsky.social
Full piece: thebelladonnacomedy.com/miscellaneou...
Full piece: thebelladonnacomedy.com/miscellaneou...
August 7, 2025 at 3:01 PM
“Vanilla Folgers because I have yet to discover decent coffee.” By @brookeknisley.bsky.social
Full piece: thebelladonnacomedy.com/miscellaneou...
Full piece: thebelladonnacomedy.com/miscellaneou...
Always cool when we go straight from April to August. Only vowel months now. October next.
July 25, 2025 at 7:23 PM
Always cool when we go straight from April to August. Only vowel months now. October next.
Oh, you're having sex dreams about them?
I'm having dreams about the two of us embarking on some corporate espionage.
We are not the same.
I'm having dreams about the two of us embarking on some corporate espionage.
We are not the same.
July 20, 2025 at 7:36 PM
Oh, you're having sex dreams about them?
I'm having dreams about the two of us embarking on some corporate espionage.
We are not the same.
I'm having dreams about the two of us embarking on some corporate espionage.
We are not the same.
Female privilege is being able to be horny in public and not have it become a problem
July 10, 2025 at 2:16 AM
Female privilege is being able to be horny in public and not have it become a problem
An old one I wrote for the Fourth of July 2021 / @betchesluvthis.bsky.social / the astrology girlies / anti-fascists.
Still distressingly relevant 🥴
betches.com/the-united-s...
Still distressingly relevant 🥴
betches.com/the-united-s...
The United States Is A Cancer And We Need To Talk About Its Astrological Chart - Betches
Dear America, I know it’s unbecoming to discuss someone’s flaws for their birthday, but you are a Cancer and it really needs to be addressed. Does anyone know the precise time America was born? I’m re...
betches.com
July 5, 2025 at 2:46 AM
An old one I wrote for the Fourth of July 2021 / @betchesluvthis.bsky.social / the astrology girlies / anti-fascists.
Still distressingly relevant 🥴
betches.com/the-united-s...
Still distressingly relevant 🥴
betches.com/the-united-s...
Me in any Microsoft Teams meeting: I have lost the chill to live
June 25, 2025 at 6:52 PM
Me in any Microsoft Teams meeting: I have lost the chill to live
Once my mom told me I was "an acquired taste few would ever acquire," which is a pretty sick burn that was completely wasted on an 11-year-old
June 25, 2025 at 5:35 AM
Once my mom told me I was "an acquired taste few would ever acquire," which is a pretty sick burn that was completely wasted on an 11-year-old
I'm vegan, but I also know I probably swallow a lot of spiders at night, so
June 21, 2025 at 4:34 PM
I'm vegan, but I also know I probably swallow a lot of spiders at night, so
Unpopular opinion: if you shower everyday, you can wear the same outfit every day for a week
June 12, 2025 at 1:40 AM
Unpopular opinion: if you shower everyday, you can wear the same outfit every day for a week
Wrote this for @apartmenttherapy.bsky.social. If you don't read it, I'll throw up blood.
www.apartmenttherapy.com/san-diego-cl...
www.apartmenttherapy.com/san-diego-cl...
www.apartmenttherapy.com
June 4, 2025 at 5:46 PM
Wrote this for @apartmenttherapy.bsky.social. If you don't read it, I'll throw up blood.
www.apartmenttherapy.com/san-diego-cl...
www.apartmenttherapy.com/san-diego-cl...
Fear me not, weary/wary traveler.....
I know those two words are not pronounced the same, even though no one on TikTok seems to know.
I know those two words are not pronounced the same, even though no one on TikTok seems to know.
May 31, 2025 at 11:39 PM
Fear me not, weary/wary traveler.....
I know those two words are not pronounced the same, even though no one on TikTok seems to know.
I know those two words are not pronounced the same, even though no one on TikTok seems to know.
Reposted by BJ Knisley
I keep trying to slip Loch Ness Monster references into writing assignments, but I keep being caught......unlike the Loch Ness Monster
November 18, 2024 at 8:37 PM
I keep trying to slip Loch Ness Monster references into writing assignments, but I keep being caught......unlike the Loch Ness Monster
I've just been taught how to stimulate the vagal nerve to facilitate emotional regulation. Please allow me back in the zoo.
May 26, 2025 at 3:02 AM
I've just been taught how to stimulate the vagal nerve to facilitate emotional regulation. Please allow me back in the zoo.
"She's a 10 but her crippling emotional issues inhibit her from healthy human connection and her quarterly Medicare premium just went up $200. Thanks, DONALD."
May 21, 2025 at 2:50 AM
"She's a 10 but her crippling emotional issues inhibit her from healthy human connection and her quarterly Medicare premium just went up $200. Thanks, DONALD."
If you had a cursed monkey's paw, which 3 people in your life would you accidentally kill with your well-intentioned-but-poorly-thought-out wishes?
April 28, 2025 at 6:21 PM
If you had a cursed monkey's paw, which 3 people in your life would you accidentally kill with your well-intentioned-but-poorly-thought-out wishes?
To the cadence of Borat's "King in the castle":
"Witch in the woods, witch in the woods. 'Oh, I have a hut, I have a hut—go away, go away.' Witch in the woods."
youtu.be/hgKWNcs_20g?...
"Witch in the woods, witch in the woods. 'Oh, I have a hut, I have a hut—go away, go away.' Witch in the woods."
youtu.be/hgKWNcs_20g?...
Borat - King in the castle
YouTube video by Anle86
youtu.be
March 20, 2025 at 4:08 PM
To the cadence of Borat's "King in the castle":
"Witch in the woods, witch in the woods. 'Oh, I have a hut, I have a hut—go away, go away.' Witch in the woods."
youtu.be/hgKWNcs_20g?...
"Witch in the woods, witch in the woods. 'Oh, I have a hut, I have a hut—go away, go away.' Witch in the woods."
youtu.be/hgKWNcs_20g?...