Elbridge Colby, UnderSecWar / Yale JD (satire)
@bridgecolbysatire.bsky.social
I'm the Pentagon's head policy guru (chief “undersecretary”) as well as the world’s most brilliant military strategist, cheese aficionado, and debonaire bon vivant. Like a finely aged Gruyère, I'm complex, subtle, and totally awesome. (satire)
Pinned
Another angle of this glorious ICE SPLAT!
Then he ran home crying!
#ICE #FuckICE #Pinks #ProudBlue #Resist
Then he ran home crying!
#ICE #FuckICE #Pinks #ProudBlue #Resist
I usually don’t post advice to the opposition (eg, the crazed libs who keep inexplicably jumping in front of ICE fists, cars, and bullets) BUT I am a military genius so…
Maybe Minnesotans subject to door to door searches should all ice their sidewalks and front steps and use their back doors?
Maybe Minnesotans subject to door to door searches should all ice their sidewalks and front steps and use their back doors?
So psyched to have seen this at the Trump Kennedy Center premiere! And a special shout out to my boy Brett Ratner for proving that all sexual abusers need for a second chance is the right oligarch backing them. Oscars here we come!
January 30, 2026 at 6:37 PM
So psyched to have seen this at the Trump Kennedy Center premiere! And a special shout out to my boy Brett Ratner for proving that all sexual abusers need for a second chance is the right oligarch backing them. Oscars here we come!
Look, the SecDef of War and Perfidy Pete Hegseth knows of what he speaks. He was there, after all…unlike all these betas criticizing him he’s always our front leading the troops.
www.irishstar.com/news/us-news...
www.irishstar.com/news/us-news...
January 30, 2026 at 3:40 PM
Look, the SecDef of War and Perfidy Pete Hegseth knows of what he speaks. He was there, after all…unlike all these betas criticizing him he’s always our front leading the troops.
www.irishstar.com/news/us-news...
www.irishstar.com/news/us-news...
Finally!!!! Welcome to the Big Kids table, population ME!
And hey, get ready for an expense account splurge and some chocolate covered strawberries. The manly alpha kind, mind you.
And hey, get ready for an expense account splurge and some chocolate covered strawberries. The manly alpha kind, mind you.
U.S. Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth will send his deputy to a meeting of NATO defense ministers next month, according to a U.S. official and a European diplomat, a decision likely to raise further questions about Washington’s dedication to the transatlantic alliance.
US defense chief Pete Hegseth to skip key NATO ministerial meeting
Pentagon policy chief and isolationist Elbridge Colby will attend instead, the second time top U.S. officials have sent a deputy to a NATO meeting.
www.politico.eu
January 29, 2026 at 5:56 PM
Finally!!!! Welcome to the Big Kids table, population ME!
And hey, get ready for an expense account splurge and some chocolate covered strawberries. The manly alpha kind, mind you.
And hey, get ready for an expense account splurge and some chocolate covered strawberries. The manly alpha kind, mind you.
My boy Tom should hand out some bags of cash to ICE agents to buck up their spirits. Pro tip: bring the CAVA bags with you, no locations in Minneapolis.
BREAKING: Trump sends corruption specialist Tom Homan to Minnesota.
January 26, 2026 at 4:56 PM
My boy Tom should hand out some bags of cash to ICE agents to buck up their spirits. Pro tip: bring the CAVA bags with you, no locations in Minneapolis.
WTF are we even talking about now? Sorry, I mean — Public Affairs is kicking ass, taking names, and owning the libs. I think?
January 25, 2026 at 12:42 AM
WTF are we even talking about now? Sorry, I mean — Public Affairs is kicking ass, taking names, and owning the libs. I think?
Great news, the Department of War has a new flag! It’s a bit of a throwback to the good ol’ days when British soldiers could freely quarter in American houses and before all the woke “due process” and “free speech” gobbledegook. But that’s why we’re conservatives!
January 24, 2026 at 7:07 PM
Great news, the Department of War has a new flag! It’s a bit of a throwback to the good ol’ days when British soldiers could freely quarter in American houses and before all the woke “due process” and “free speech” gobbledegook. But that’s why we’re conservatives!
One-year anniversary special announcement: DOD is now financing jawline enhancements for eligible male troops to bodymax their alpha-ness and try to achieve the Pete Hegseth Blue Steel look! Apply today!!!
One year of putting the American Warfighter first.
We are just getting started.
We are just getting started.
January 20, 2026 at 7:32 PM
One-year anniversary special announcement: DOD is now financing jawline enhancements for eligible male troops to bodymax their alpha-ness and try to achieve the Pete Hegseth Blue Steel look! Apply today!!!
Nah, we’re not sending these people to Minnesota. Now Greenland on the other hand…
Breaking: per @abcnews Trump readies 1500 paratroops at Alaska base for possible deployment to Minnesota
Reminder to commanders and troops: you are OBLIGATED by your oaths to disobey illegal orders abcnews.go.com/US/live-upda...
Reminder to commanders and troops: you are OBLIGATED by your oaths to disobey illegal orders abcnews.go.com/US/live-upda...
Hundreds of active-duty soldiers on standby, 2 defense officials say
abcnews.go.com
January 19, 2026 at 12:04 AM
Nah, we’re not sending these people to Minnesota. Now Greenland on the other hand…
Prob great value on Kalshi/Polymarlet for Lara to be the first admin official to go on trial at The Hague…
www.yahoo.com/entertainmen...
www.yahoo.com/entertainmen...
Lara Trump's Singing Has Been Called a 'Geneva Convention Violation.' She Just Filmed Another Music Video
While Melania Trump’s documentary premiere made headlines this month, another member of the First Family has been quietly pursuing a different kind of spotlight. Former ... Read More
www.yahoo.com
January 18, 2026 at 4:41 PM
Prob great value on Kalshi/Polymarlet for Lara to be the first admin official to go on trial at The Hague…
www.yahoo.com/entertainmen...
www.yahoo.com/entertainmen...
We have so many badass weekly features for the relaunch: “Get Swolt” on SecDef of War and Perfidy Pete Hegseth’s workouts; “You’re Next” profiling which country (or innocent boaters) we’ll bomb next; and “Who Wore it Best” featuring fashion tips from everyone’s fav Neo-Nazi Greg Bovino. Get pumped!
Defense Department to overhaul military newspaper Stars and Stripes
Defense Department to overhaul military newspaper Stars and Stripes
The paper, which traces its roots back to the Civil War, receives some funding from the Pentagon and its staff is Defense Department employees.
dlvr.it
January 15, 2026 at 6:31 PM
We have so many badass weekly features for the relaunch: “Get Swolt” on SecDef of War and Perfidy Pete Hegseth’s workouts; “You’re Next” profiling which country (or innocent boaters) we’ll bomb next; and “Who Wore it Best” featuring fashion tips from everyone’s fav Neo-Nazi Greg Bovino. Get pumped!
I am totally gonna undress SecWar Pete…
Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth said Monday that Elon Musk's artificial intelligence chatbot Grok will join Google's generative AI engine in operating inside the Pentagon network, as part of a broader push to feed as much of the military's data as possible into the developing technology. n.pr/4jE0qJW
Pentagon is embracing Musk's Grok AI chatbot as it draws global outcry
Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth said Monday that Elon Musk's artificial intelligence chatbot Grok will join Google's generative AI engine in operating inside the Pentagon network, as part of a broader push to feed as much of the military's data as possible into the developing technology.
n.pr
January 13, 2026 at 6:54 AM
I am totally gonna undress SecWar Pete…
Ladies and gents, I give you the SecDef of all War and Perfidy Pete Hegseth! Another kickass title for his Hague indictmen—er, I mean his Trump Kennedy Center award!
(And I get to be the UnderSecDef of all War and Perfidy!!! Maybe it’ll help my book sales…)
(And I get to be the UnderSecDef of all War and Perfidy!!! Maybe it’ll help my book sales…)
Breaking NYT:
The Pentagon used a secret aircraft painted to look like a civilian plane in its first boat attack, according to officials briefed on the matter.
The laws of armed conflict forbid combatants from feigning civilian status.
That is a war crime called "perfidy."
The Pentagon used a secret aircraft painted to look like a civilian plane in its first boat attack, according to officials briefed on the matter.
The laws of armed conflict forbid combatants from feigning civilian status.
That is a war crime called "perfidy."
U.S. Attacked Boat With Aircraft That Looked Like a Civilian Plane
www.nytimes.com
January 13, 2026 at 12:20 AM
Ladies and gents, I give you the SecDef of all War and Perfidy Pete Hegseth! Another kickass title for his Hague indictmen—er, I mean his Trump Kennedy Center award!
(And I get to be the UnderSecDef of all War and Perfidy!!! Maybe it’ll help my book sales…)
(And I get to be the UnderSecDef of all War and Perfidy!!! Maybe it’ll help my book sales…)
So much whining about “constitutional rights” and “separation of power” when Commander Kelly (see what I did there!) could easily settle this the old-fashioned way: a barechested push-up contest with the incredibly buff and beautiful SecDef of all War Pete Hegseth!
BREAKING: Sen. Mark Kelly is suing Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth
January 12, 2026 at 11:13 PM
So much whining about “constitutional rights” and “separation of power” when Commander Kelly (see what I did there!) could easily settle this the old-fashioned way: a barechested push-up contest with the incredibly buff and beautiful SecDef of all War Pete Hegseth!
I usually don’t post advice to the opposition (eg, the crazed libs who keep inexplicably jumping in front of ICE fists, cars, and bullets) BUT I am a military genius so…
Maybe Minnesotans subject to door to door searches should all ice their sidewalks and front steps and use their back doors?
Maybe Minnesotans subject to door to door searches should all ice their sidewalks and front steps and use their back doors?
Another angle of this glorious ICE SPLAT!
Then he ran home crying!
#ICE #FuckICE #Pinks #ProudBlue #Resist
Then he ran home crying!
#ICE #FuckICE #Pinks #ProudBlue #Resist
January 12, 2026 at 11:08 PM
I usually don’t post advice to the opposition (eg, the crazed libs who keep inexplicably jumping in front of ICE fists, cars, and bullets) BUT I am a military genius so…
Maybe Minnesotans subject to door to door searches should all ice their sidewalks and front steps and use their back doors?
Maybe Minnesotans subject to door to door searches should all ice their sidewalks and front steps and use their back doors?
Hell yeah, we’re going back to Freedom Fries!!!
I can't believe I'm posting this video - but we actually have to have a conversation about the real world implications of America going to war over Greenland.
Let me walk you through it. It doesn't turn out well for us.
Let me walk you through it. It doesn't turn out well for us.
January 11, 2026 at 6:59 AM
Hell yeah, we’re going back to Freedom Fries!!!
They miss the most obvious reason to test nukes: blowing stuff up is a hellah alpha move. Like, how cool are the pics from the 1940s when people weren’t all woke about “nuclear winter” and “global thermonuclear war”? And yes, SecDef of War Pete Hegseth will def watch bare-chested!
January 6, 2026 at 12:20 AM
They miss the most obvious reason to test nukes: blowing stuff up is a hellah alpha move. Like, how cool are the pics from the 1940s when people weren’t all woke about “nuclear winter” and “global thermonuclear war”? And yes, SecDef of War Pete Hegseth will def watch bare-chested!
Given that our administration is all about the 1%, this is a pretty kickass result!
One of the most lopsided results you'll ever see in a poll, from our weekend Washington Post poll www.washingtonpost.com/politics/int...
January 5, 2026 at 4:45 PM
Given that our administration is all about the 1%, this is a pretty kickass result!
Man, it’s almost like no one read my incredible book The Strategy of Denial*. The pivot to Asia always started with Venezuela! And Cuba — and Greenland — and Colombia…
*The most important book perhaps ever written on foreign policy but at the very least top 3 along with Clausewitz and Sun Tzu.
*The most important book perhaps ever written on foreign policy but at the very least top 3 along with Clausewitz and Sun Tzu.
Is this part of @bridgecolbysatire.bsky.social’s Asia strategy?
January 5, 2026 at 12:00 AM
Man, it’s almost like no one read my incredible book The Strategy of Denial*. The pivot to Asia always started with Venezuela! And Cuba — and Greenland — and Colombia…
*The most important book perhaps ever written on foreign policy but at the very least top 3 along with Clausewitz and Sun Tzu.
*The most important book perhaps ever written on foreign policy but at the very least top 3 along with Clausewitz and Sun Tzu.
Great news, Venezuela is now eligible to send tributes to Trump’s inaugural Patriot Games! America*, eff yeah!!!
*”America” is trademarked by Donald J. Trump and encompasses the USA and all current and future vassal states, including but not limited to Venezuela, Cuba, Canada, and Greenland.
*”America” is trademarked by Donald J. Trump and encompasses the USA and all current and future vassal states, including but not limited to Venezuela, Cuba, Canada, and Greenland.
January 3, 2026 at 6:41 PM
Great news, Venezuela is now eligible to send tributes to Trump’s inaugural Patriot Games! America*, eff yeah!!!
*”America” is trademarked by Donald J. Trump and encompasses the USA and all current and future vassal states, including but not limited to Venezuela, Cuba, Canada, and Greenland.
*”America” is trademarked by Donald J. Trump and encompasses the USA and all current and future vassal states, including but not limited to Venezuela, Cuba, Canada, and Greenland.
For MAGA wondering how accumulating vassal states is America First, have no fear, Bari Weiss will be explaining to you very soon how it’s the only patriotic thing to do for those who love America.
January 3, 2026 at 6:31 PM
For MAGA wondering how accumulating vassal states is America First, have no fear, Bari Weiss will be explaining to you very soon how it’s the only patriotic thing to do for those who love America.
It’s all so confusing! The Warrior Ethos is all about badass workouts with the SecDef of War Pete “Swolt” Hegseth. BUT the commander in chief is…well…perhaps not the swoltest or that into alpha workouts. Unless hand makeup and cankles are alpha? Make it make sense!
Oh my goodness, this Wall Street Journal piece about Trump's ailing health that includes an interview with him (gift link). There are a number of ridiculous details in it and I'll put a few of them in this thread. (1/6)
Exclusive | As Signs of Aging Emerge, Trump Responds With Defiance
In an interview, President Trump—the oldest man to assume the office—said he has eschewed some advice from his doctors and regrets getting advanced imaging.
www.wsj.com
January 1, 2026 at 6:17 PM
It’s all so confusing! The Warrior Ethos is all about badass workouts with the SecDef of War Pete “Swolt” Hegseth. BUT the commander in chief is…well…perhaps not the swoltest or that into alpha workouts. Unless hand makeup and cankles are alpha? Make it make sense!
Sigh, DOJ forgot to tell us they were just gonna redact all the Epstein files. Could have saved us a few bombs, Pamela Jo!
Breaking news: The U.S. military launched a series of strikes against dozens of sites in central Syria, in retaliation for killing two American soldiers and an interpreter.
U.S. strikes dozens of sites in Syria in retaliation for troops’ deaths
The expansive operation follows the killing last weekend of two U.S. soldiers and their interpreter at a military base in the city of Palmyra.
www.washingtonpost.com
December 19, 2025 at 11:33 PM
Sigh, DOJ forgot to tell us they were just gonna redact all the Epstein files. Could have saved us a few bombs, Pamela Jo!
Woodward and Bernstein Pt II in da house!!!
The new Pentagon press corps is laser focused on serving the American people by working their sources to bring you the most impactful stories because, as Jefferson said, “a well-informed citizenry is the best defense against tyranny.”
December 4, 2025 at 7:25 PM
Woodward and Bernstein Pt II in da house!!!
The most alpha Christmas tree lighting EVER. This is the hard hitting journalism we were going for with our new pentagon press corp policy!
First big exclusive broken by the New Media at the Pentagon.
December 4, 2025 at 5:58 PM
The most alpha Christmas tree lighting EVER. This is the hard hitting journalism we were going for with our new pentagon press corp policy!