Botany Boy
@botany-boy.bsky.social
DON DENIES DOODLING DITTY TO DIDDLER, DIRT DETAILS DUDE DID DO THE DEED
September 9, 2025 at 1:22 AM
DON DENIES DOODLING DITTY TO DIDDLER, DIRT DETAILS DUDE DID DO THE DEED
Too squeamish for self-mutilation so instead I just get terrible haircuts.
August 17, 2025 at 11:25 PM
Too squeamish for self-mutilation so instead I just get terrible haircuts.
My ratio of over-preparedness for puberty / actual androgenic hairs grown is pretty dismal.
Why did they think I'd freak out so bad? I had met adult humans. I knew where they stored their bodily hair.
Why did they think I'd freak out so bad? I had met adult humans. I knew where they stored their bodily hair.
July 17, 2025 at 5:35 PM
My ratio of over-preparedness for puberty / actual androgenic hairs grown is pretty dismal.
Why did they think I'd freak out so bad? I had met adult humans. I knew where they stored their bodily hair.
Why did they think I'd freak out so bad? I had met adult humans. I knew where they stored their bodily hair.
Manscaped isn't a real for-profit company. It was originally conceived as a convoluted way to humiliate podcasters.
July 2, 2025 at 3:06 AM
Manscaped isn't a real for-profit company. It was originally conceived as a convoluted way to humiliate podcasters.
I was not prepared for the comments to the Andrew Sullivan piece. Yeesh.
June 26, 2025 at 3:59 PM
I was not prepared for the comments to the Andrew Sullivan piece. Yeesh.
Andrew Sullivan? Andrew fucking Sullivan?
June 26, 2025 at 1:09 PM
Andrew Sullivan? Andrew fucking Sullivan?
My niece already understands foreshortening, which puts her way ahead of the ancient Phoenicians. Eat it Phoenicia.
June 23, 2025 at 9:48 PM
My niece already understands foreshortening, which puts her way ahead of the ancient Phoenicians. Eat it Phoenicia.
What do you call a barrier meant to prevent the black market sale of racist swordfighters?
An offensive fencer fencing fence.
An offensive fencer fencing fence.
June 4, 2025 at 12:56 AM
What do you call a barrier meant to prevent the black market sale of racist swordfighters?
An offensive fencer fencing fence.
An offensive fencer fencing fence.
Step 1: Get into niche hobby
Step 2: Immediately start worrying about niche hobby's imminent decline
Step 2: Immediately start worrying about niche hobby's imminent decline
May 30, 2025 at 3:26 PM
Step 1: Get into niche hobby
Step 2: Immediately start worrying about niche hobby's imminent decline
Step 2: Immediately start worrying about niche hobby's imminent decline
Maybe I watch too much True Crime but it seems like the default 911 operator's tone is "incredulous":
Caller: I got shot!
Operator: You got SHOT?!?!
Caller: I got shot!
Operator: You got SHOT?!?!
May 27, 2025 at 3:11 AM
Maybe I watch too much True Crime but it seems like the default 911 operator's tone is "incredulous":
Caller: I got shot!
Operator: You got SHOT?!?!
Caller: I got shot!
Operator: You got SHOT?!?!
Reading the transcript of the 1993 Peter David vs Todd MacFarlane debate and holy shit MacFarlane is Michael Scott:
[𝘔𝘤𝘍𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘦 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘢 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘮 𝘣𝘰𝘹, 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘩 𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺. 𝘏𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯, 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘢 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥.]
[𝘔𝘤𝘍𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘦 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘢 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘮 𝘣𝘰𝘹, 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘩 𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺. 𝘏𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯, 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘢 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥.]
![As if you don't know who they are, I'll introduce our two debaters. [Throughout the introduction, McFarlane is visibly undressing behind his podium and donning yellow boxer shorts and a bathrobe, slinging a towel so that it completely covers his head and shoulders.]
I'll do it alphabetically. He is the writer of The Incredible Hulk and Sachs & Violens and, more germane to this particular debate, the writer of the regular weekly column in Comics Buyer's Guide, But I Digress, Mr. Peter David.
[Audience ovation]
And [Pérez eyes McFarlane's new state of dress, including covered face] - This isn't a rebuttal yet! This wasn't the three minutes you were talking about, are they, Mr. McFarlane? (McFarlane doesn't respond.] And, if words don't fail me now, I guess visuals will have to. OK, the creator of Spawn and co-founder of Image Comics, and easily one of the more influential people in this business, Mr. Todd McFarlane. [McFarlane turns on a boom box, which fails to play. He sits back down, without a word.]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:ciw4dgzol2mwmwrgjjrnaz7e/bafkreid2fklwv4luu3gwa6yiqf6b5jfo52exdsb7n3akyisbsswujm6bea@jpeg)
May 26, 2025 at 9:37 PM
Reading the transcript of the 1993 Peter David vs Todd MacFarlane debate and holy shit MacFarlane is Michael Scott:
[𝘔𝘤𝘍𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘦 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘢 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘮 𝘣𝘰𝘹, 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘩 𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺. 𝘏𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯, 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘢 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥.]
[𝘔𝘤𝘍𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘦 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘢 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘮 𝘣𝘰𝘹, 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘩 𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺. 𝘏𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯, 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘢 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥.]
Watching Sam Seder desperately try to coax some sort of unifying policy out of Ezra Klein while the latter just leaps from one hyperlocal anecdote to the next.
May 26, 2025 at 5:24 AM
Watching Sam Seder desperately try to coax some sort of unifying policy out of Ezra Klein while the latter just leaps from one hyperlocal anecdote to the next.
DNC: "We need a Joe Rogan of the left."
Ezra Klein: "Say no more. I'll start cussing."
Ezra Klein: "Say no more. I'll start cussing."
May 26, 2025 at 3:23 AM
DNC: "We need a Joe Rogan of the left."
Ezra Klein: "Say no more. I'll start cussing."
Ezra Klein: "Say no more. I'll start cussing."
Art is like sex: if you want it to be any good, you have to be prepared to bring shame upon your parents.
May 25, 2025 at 11:31 PM
Art is like sex: if you want it to be any good, you have to be prepared to bring shame upon your parents.
Retrospectives on early YouTubers are all like:
"They were universally beloved for their hilarious creations, and their falloff was a true tragedy mourned site-wide."
Then they show footage of the person's content and it's just a nonstop stream of the f-slur.
"They were universally beloved for their hilarious creations, and their falloff was a true tragedy mourned site-wide."
Then they show footage of the person's content and it's just a nonstop stream of the f-slur.
May 25, 2025 at 11:30 PM
Retrospectives on early YouTubers are all like:
"They were universally beloved for their hilarious creations, and their falloff was a true tragedy mourned site-wide."
Then they show footage of the person's content and it's just a nonstop stream of the f-slur.
"They were universally beloved for their hilarious creations, and their falloff was a true tragedy mourned site-wide."
Then they show footage of the person's content and it's just a nonstop stream of the f-slur.
RIP Peter David, a real one. He somehow kept the Hulk fun and interesting for a decade plus.
May 25, 2025 at 11:27 PM
RIP Peter David, a real one. He somehow kept the Hulk fun and interesting for a decade plus.
Look, I am categorically not going to hear anything said after the phrase, "you can all go home now."
May 24, 2025 at 1:41 AM
Look, I am categorically not going to hear anything said after the phrase, "you can all go home now."
In today's NYT column, noted ally to sex pests everywhere Steven Pinker mounts an ostensible defense of Harvard that includes this unhinged paragraph:
May 23, 2025 at 10:45 AM
In today's NYT column, noted ally to sex pests everywhere Steven Pinker mounts an ostensible defense of Harvard that includes this unhinged paragraph:
Cops & Robbers, Cowboys & Indians, Soldiers & Generic Enemies: does every childhood game get the good guys and bad guys confused?
May 21, 2025 at 1:42 PM
Cops & Robbers, Cowboys & Indians, Soldiers & Generic Enemies: does every childhood game get the good guys and bad guys confused?
Fashion is on a 20-year cycle so all I gotta do is be 19 years behind.
May 21, 2025 at 1:00 PM
Fashion is on a 20-year cycle so all I gotta do is be 19 years behind.
Props to everyone who predicted Joe Rogan's Christian nationalist turn.
May 21, 2025 at 12:56 PM
Props to everyone who predicted Joe Rogan's Christian nationalist turn.
"All it takes for evil to flourish is for good men to do nothing."
It actually takes less than that. All it takes for evil to flourish is for good men to seem kinda lame.
It actually takes less than that. All it takes for evil to flourish is for good men to seem kinda lame.
May 21, 2025 at 12:55 PM
"All it takes for evil to flourish is for good men to do nothing."
It actually takes less than that. All it takes for evil to flourish is for good men to seem kinda lame.
It actually takes less than that. All it takes for evil to flourish is for good men to seem kinda lame.
Thoughts on watching the The 1987 Crystal Light National Aerobic Championship for the millionth time:
An aerobics championship is like a jogging race, anything too athletically impressive is disqualifying.
An aerobics championship is like a jogging race, anything too athletically impressive is disqualifying.
May 19, 2025 at 3:26 PM
Thoughts on watching the The 1987 Crystal Light National Aerobic Championship for the millionth time:
An aerobics championship is like a jogging race, anything too athletically impressive is disqualifying.
An aerobics championship is like a jogging race, anything too athletically impressive is disqualifying.
DJ Screw's favorite rapper was C-Bo, which explains a lot. Dude was corny with awful lyrics but his timing was so impeccable it was transgressive, something you only notice when he's slowed down.
May 18, 2025 at 12:56 PM
DJ Screw's favorite rapper was C-Bo, which explains a lot. Dude was corny with awful lyrics but his timing was so impeccable it was transgressive, something you only notice when he's slowed down.
Debate bros are really so lazy they had to popularize steelmanning, which is just, "actually in order for your argument to be good you have to make my argument for me."
May 12, 2025 at 12:50 AM
Debate bros are really so lazy they had to popularize steelmanning, which is just, "actually in order for your argument to be good you have to make my argument for me."