Swamp Witch 🍂🍁
@beneathhergaze.bsky.social
Witch, wordsmith, midwife of emotions. Terminally online, vehemently anti-AI. DCTID. Always follows the #1 Rule of the Casual Criminalist.
Any mansplaining incurs a fee of $50. Unblocking fee $100.
"If you don't want to be in a poem, don't fuck a poet."
Any mansplaining incurs a fee of $50. Unblocking fee $100.
"If you don't want to be in a poem, don't fuck a poet."
This is why I have probably 10-15 dresses in the same signature style from the same store but all different colors and patterns, bc why branch out when I know it will fit and look good on me? It's an issue.
November 26, 2025 at 4:53 AM
This is why I have probably 10-15 dresses in the same signature style from the same store but all different colors and patterns, bc why branch out when I know it will fit and look good on me? It's an issue.
Like if I've got an event coming up and I have a set amount of money for a dress, I'm not going to waste my time driving all over hell and half of Georgia to different stores hoping that I'm not going to get screwed over my questionable sizing; I'm gonna go to a store whose size chart I know well.
November 26, 2025 at 4:51 AM
Like if I've got an event coming up and I have a set amount of money for a dress, I'm not going to waste my time driving all over hell and half of Georgia to different stores hoping that I'm not going to get screwed over my questionable sizing; I'm gonna go to a store whose size chart I know well.
It encourages brand loyalty, and I think that's why they do it 🫠
November 26, 2025 at 4:47 AM
It encourages brand loyalty, and I think that's why they do it 🫠
Live your best life
November 26, 2025 at 3:50 AM
Live your best life
It's the WORST. I beg for consistency.
November 26, 2025 at 3:47 AM
It's the WORST. I beg for consistency.
Like my motorcycle jacket is a 3XLT, which fits loosely now but as soon as I put the lining in it's going to snug up, but if you gave me a 3XL t-shirt I'd be miserable bc it'd just hang on me & I prefer a fitted look. I wear like six different bra sizes. It's all infuriating lies.
November 26, 2025 at 3:47 AM
Like my motorcycle jacket is a 3XLT, which fits loosely now but as soon as I put the lining in it's going to snug up, but if you gave me a 3XL t-shirt I'd be miserable bc it'd just hang on me & I prefer a fitted look. I wear like six different bra sizes. It's all infuriating lies.
By the tape measure I'm a men's 2XLT but sizing btwn genders is fuckin complicated bc they're not shaped the same, plus it depends on the purpose of the garment? e.g. why would they think a 2XL coat would fit the same as a 2XL shirt. Clothing sizing is trash & they need to do better by fat folks.
November 26, 2025 at 3:45 AM
By the tape measure I'm a men's 2XLT but sizing btwn genders is fuckin complicated bc they're not shaped the same, plus it depends on the purpose of the garment? e.g. why would they think a 2XL coat would fit the same as a 2XL shirt. Clothing sizing is trash & they need to do better by fat folks.
Ideally I'm hoping to try it on in person bc last time I ordered a big & tall thing online, I got 7XL & 5XLT hoodies that I can barely get my head through, like I have to take my glasses off first, they're so tight. Plus men's & women's chest proportions aren't 1:1 so that causes separate issues lol
November 26, 2025 at 3:37 AM
Ideally I'm hoping to try it on in person bc last time I ordered a big & tall thing online, I got 7XL & 5XLT hoodies that I can barely get my head through, like I have to take my glasses off first, they're so tight. Plus men's & women's chest proportions aren't 1:1 so that causes separate issues lol
Sometimes!! A bitch!!! Wants to be relaxed and cozy in their garden in a nice oversized coat!!!! And they've been bigger than all but one person they've ever dated!!!!!! So stealing a hoodie or coat isn't an option!!!!!!!!!!!!
November 26, 2025 at 3:20 AM
Sometimes!! A bitch!!! Wants to be relaxed and cozy in their garden in a nice oversized coat!!!! And they've been bigger than all but one person they've ever dated!!!!!! So stealing a hoodie or coat isn't an option!!!!!!!!!!!!
Absolutely the most vivid shade of deep red you can find, high-gloss, with big black designs (or at least trim). You can also do what I did and paint the wall half and half; it'll take her 20 gallons of Kilz to hide that afterwards.
November 25, 2025 at 11:37 PM
Absolutely the most vivid shade of deep red you can find, high-gloss, with big black designs (or at least trim). You can also do what I did and paint the wall half and half; it'll take her 20 gallons of Kilz to hide that afterwards.
I once had a coworker get upset at me for alerting her to her incorrect procedure by angrily hollering "I don't need input from the peanut factory!!" and I have not been able to eat peanuts for the 13 years that have followed without thinking of her
November 25, 2025 at 9:27 PM
I once had a coworker get upset at me for alerting her to her incorrect procedure by angrily hollering "I don't need input from the peanut factory!!" and I have not been able to eat peanuts for the 13 years that have followed without thinking of her
I don't actually have a dog in this fight bc I've been allergic to kiwi for about 10 years now but the thought of eating the skin makes me want to hurl
November 25, 2025 at 9:06 PM
I don't actually have a dog in this fight bc I've been allergic to kiwi for about 10 years now but the thought of eating the skin makes me want to hurl
You are both the literal hell devil but I love you anyway
November 25, 2025 at 9:00 PM
You are both the literal hell devil but I love you anyway
Reposted by Swamp Witch 🍂🍁
I should be allowed to unload my corresponding allergy onto people with hot food takes like this. Oh, you hate apple pie? Cool, then you can be allergic to apples, wheat and dairy so I can have the pie and give it the love it deserves. You're gonna cry about coconut? WOOSH now you're allergic. Etc.
November 25, 2025 at 8:40 PM
I should be allowed to unload my corresponding allergy onto people with hot food takes like this. Oh, you hate apple pie? Cool, then you can be allergic to apples, wheat and dairy so I can have the pie and give it the love it deserves. You're gonna cry about coconut? WOOSH now you're allergic. Etc.
See, EXACTLY. This would just be fixing the balance of the universe.
November 25, 2025 at 8:45 PM
See, EXACTLY. This would just be fixing the balance of the universe.
Like I would punch a nun at the Super Bowl or throw a feral cat at the Pope if it meant I could eat an apple pie again, so I feel that's only fair; if you're gonna have the privilege to make such sweeping assumptions, then your ability to eat that food gets reassigned to a more grateful person.
November 25, 2025 at 8:43 PM
Like I would punch a nun at the Super Bowl or throw a feral cat at the Pope if it meant I could eat an apple pie again, so I feel that's only fair; if you're gonna have the privilege to make such sweeping assumptions, then your ability to eat that food gets reassigned to a more grateful person.
I should be allowed to unload my corresponding allergy onto people with hot food takes like this. Oh, you hate apple pie? Cool, then you can be allergic to apples, wheat and dairy so I can have the pie and give it the love it deserves. You're gonna cry about coconut? WOOSH now you're allergic. Etc.
November 25, 2025 at 8:40 PM
I should be allowed to unload my corresponding allergy onto people with hot food takes like this. Oh, you hate apple pie? Cool, then you can be allergic to apples, wheat and dairy so I can have the pie and give it the love it deserves. You're gonna cry about coconut? WOOSH now you're allergic. Etc.
Seconding this; same here
November 25, 2025 at 5:58 AM
Seconding this; same here
I genuinely wish I were more of a skilled artist so I could draw the scene, bc if I live to be 100 I will never forget the sight of my aunt with her eyes closed & hands clasped reverently beneath that napkin as it fluttered precariously with each movement. It was such a formative comedic experience.
November 25, 2025 at 5:48 AM
I genuinely wish I were more of a skilled artist so I could draw the scene, bc if I live to be 100 I will never forget the sight of my aunt with her eyes closed & hands clasped reverently beneath that napkin as it fluttered precariously with each movement. It was such a formative comedic experience.