Author | Lightnews

Katie @zizifothsi.bsky.social · 5d

A challenger approaches

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Katie @zizifothsi.bsky.social · 11d

Talking head with the plane being like “I was just feeling a bit random lol”

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Katie @zizifothsi.bsky.social · 11d

Eagerly awaiting the episode of Air Crash Investigation where they reveal that the plane was “just being a silly sausage”

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Katie @zizifothsi.bsky.social · 14d

Why does the professor, the biggest teacher, not (etc)

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Katie @zizifothsi.bsky.social · 14d

“You know, the word that means being nice when you don’t want to be”

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Katie @zizifothsi.bsky.social · 14d

I’m on that migraine prodrome brain, just looked for the word “diplomatic” but ended up telling my colleagues that the email I wrote was “very ambassadorial”

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Katie @zizifothsi.bsky.social · 15d

I will not be taking questions at this or any time

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Katie @zizifothsi.bsky.social · 15d

Me, addressing the class on the first day of human piloting school:

OKAY BOYS, the first thing you gotta know about operating your human vehicle

is to keep the knees LOCKED and HYPEREXTENDED at ALL TIMES

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Reposted by Katie

Stephen Collins @stephencollins.bsky.social · 16d

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Nurse:
It’s become a real problem in this area

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Nurse:
We’ve seen the whole community lost to addiction

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Show a building sign posted:
Westminster ‘X’ Addiction Clinic
With various Westminster people or looking at their phones outside it

Nurse:
Ministers, Spads, Researchers…

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Nurse:
Most mornings we’ll get a call about someone acting strangely

[Nurse on phone taking a call]
Ok - we’ll be right over

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Nurse:
We just have a gentle chat

[Nurses approach a minister –Robert Jenrick? - standing in the Palace of Westminster

Minister:
I understand your concerns…

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Nurse:
Are you OK love?

Minister:
Yes I’m just hearing legitimate concerns from real voters

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Nurse:
That’s a robot, a Nazi and a poorly-disguised Russian

[Show that the people he is talking to are precisely these characters]

Nurse 2:
Give us your phone, love

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Nurse:
At the clinic we put them in a Grass-Touching Pod, with a real voter to talk to

[We see them back at the clinic, holding the minister's head and pushing him into a glass isolation booth with a grass floor. And it is a baffled looking woman, on a chair, ready to talk to him.]

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Minister:
YOU MUST BE WORRIED ABOUT THE COMING CIVIL WAR

[woman looks baffled]

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woman:
I just want a bus service

Minister:
LOOK AT MY FLAG
[produces a St George's flag]

[ends]

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Katie @zizifothsi.bsky.social · 16d

“Gimme that slicey boi”

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Reposted by Katie

Gary Delaney Comedian @garydelaney.bsky.social · 19d

A story in three parts

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Katie @zizifothsi.bsky.social · 19d

Happy to inform you that she is now spayed and I can sleep though the night without [HORNY NOISES] and [ESCAPE ATTEMPTS]

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Katie @zizifothsi.bsky.social · 19d

The fuck kind of noise is this, you horny-ass cat

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Katie @zizifothsi.bsky.social · 19d

I’m bad at remembering to post now, but let me tell you that Alice came into heat and a bad time was had by all

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Katie @zizifothsi.bsky.social · 22d

“Probably because of all the dead orphans, Katie”

No, I think it must be another, different reason

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Katie @zizifothsi.bsky.social · 22d

Why do they call it a mommy makeover and not

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Katie @zizifothsi.bsky.social · Sep 25

Squiggle is the toughest, cutest, wiggliest mofo around - if you have any money to spare, please toss some her way?

Holly Brockwell @hollyqueenofspayeds.com · Sep 25

We've had an incredibly anxious night with wobbly baby Squiggle, but she's still with us & tentatively a bit better -- vet described her as "one hell of a fighter."

Please help us keep her fighting ❤️

gofund.me/662b94d7e

Donate to Giving little Squiggle the very best chance, organized by Holly Brockwell

In August, a tiny, fluffy powerhouse arrived at our rescue. Found in a fie… Holly Brockwell needs your support for Giving little Squiggle the very best chance

gofund.me

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Reposted by Katie

Robert Saunders @robertsaunders.bsky.social · Sep 23

Why are the American president's claims about autism the first item on British news bulletins?

He's not our president, the advice doesn't apply here and he's not presented any evidence to support his assertions.

So why spread these claims? What make this the biggest story in the UK?

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Katie @zizifothsi.bsky.social · Sep 22

What if the rapture actually happened ages ago but almost nobody qualified & that’s why there are unsolved missing persons cases

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Katie @zizifothsi.bsky.social · Sep 13

WhatsApp message reading:

"I can't believe how nicely they play together!" I thought, moments before Alice bicycle kicked her precious baby in the head

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Katie @zizifothsi.bsky.social · Sep 13

The duality of cat motherhood

Alice and Dinah snoozing together, all cuddled up and adorable

Alice actively kicking Dinah in the head

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Reposted by Katie

Jason Kirk @jasonkirk.fyi · Sep 12

Discovering computer as an adult makes you go crazy. Discovering computer as a baby makes you go crazy. In all of human history, there will only ever be one generation to discover computer at the correct age: 13

Better Things Are Possible @internethippo.bsky.social · Nov 10

The problem with every post-Millennial generation is they got to go straight to high speed internet. Of course you'll get computer madness that way. Make them start with those old screeching modems and work their way up

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Katie @zizifothsi.bsky.social · Sep 12

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Katie @zizifothsi.bsky.social · Sep 12

I was 100% expecting to have to do a long explanation of all the ways in which he was a wrong ‘un

and then my dad just started admiring marksmanship

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Katie @zizifothsi.bsky.social · Sep 12

Me: *getting ready to start a whole PowerPoint presentation*
Me: *deep inhale*
Him: yeah 100%
Me: …
Me: well now I don’t know what to do with all the energy I built up here

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