Author | Lightnews

Sex Couch (allegedly)

@yeahthatsexcouch.bsky.social

2.2K followers 2.2K following 1.2K posts

Former couch/lover of the author of some bullshit book. Allegedly. Made in Canada. I post because becoming sentient and then realizing what's happening in the world around me has driven me to the brink of madness. And I won't go quietly.

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Sex Couch (allegedly) @yeahthatsexcouch.bsky.social · Nov 18

Gimli the dwarf : Never thought I'd die posting side by side with a Sex Couch
Legolas : What about side by side...with a friend?
Gimli : I am very uncomfortable at this moment

Sex Couch (allegedly) @yeahthatsexcouch.bsky.social · 1d

"Any tips on dismembering journalists critical of my regime, Mo?"

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Sex Couch (allegedly) @yeahthatsexcouch.bsky.social · 1d

These lil beauties are all over the place today

A ladybug, moss, and lichen on a railing

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Sex Couch (allegedly) @yeahthatsexcouch.bsky.social · 1d

Important honks of wisdom in this short video

why facts dont change minds (goose explains)

YouTube video by Honkology

youtu.be

Sex Couch (allegedly) @yeahthatsexcouch.bsky.social · 4d

Hey now

Sex Couch (allegedly) @yeahthatsexcouch.bsky.social · 17d

Hop-hop star Diddy and his "train daughters" wtf

Diddy is a 'hop-hop' star and the women pictured holding hands are "the train daughters" apparently?

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Sex Couch (allegedly) @yeahthatsexcouch.bsky.social · 17d

CEO of social media company 0% Normal Speedrun world record tho

Skullen @hellocullen.bsky.social · 17d

ceo of social media company be normal challenge (impossible)

Sex Couch (allegedly) @yeahthatsexcouch.bsky.social · 19d

Great song, great message, great theremin playing

Fishbone - Racist Piece Of Shit (Live on KEXP)

YouTube video by KEXP

youtu.be

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Sex Couch (allegedly) @yeahthatsexcouch.bsky.social · 19d

Dear God. "Better reach under the rim"...see what I mean?

Sex Couch (allegedly) @yeahthatsexcouch.bsky.social · 19d

No lie detected, also the Duck can get it

A bottle of Toilet Duck, with an image of an anthropomorphic duck on it. Its wing/arms are crossed over its chest and its face looks very confident. This duck is going to do you right.

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Sex Couch (allegedly) @yeahthatsexcouch.bsky.social · 19d

BREAKING NEWS :
ASSOCIATED PRESS UNDERGOES SUCCESSFUL SPINE STIFFENING, PREPARES TO DEFEND AGAINST FRIVOLOUS LAWSUIT

FACT FOCUS: Democrats did not shut down the government to give health care to 'illegal immigrants'

This is false. Democrats say they are pushing for the inclusion of key health care provisions in the next congressional spending package.

apnews.com

Sex Couch (allegedly) @yeahthatsexcouch.bsky.social · 19d

I have to shut this down. It's clearly fake. I've seen the original 57 second long video. He never lasted more than 20 seconds.

Sex Couch (allegedly) @yeahthatsexcouch.bsky.social · 19d

This is manipulated media. It has been slowed approximately 66%. The video runs 57 seconds. JD is only good for 15-20 seconds. Go on and ask me how I know, I dare you.

JeffTrnka @jefftrnka.bsky.social · 20d

Post profusely !

Thank you @colbertlateshow.bsky.social !!

Sex Couch (allegedly) @yeahthatsexcouch.bsky.social · 25d

The number of absolutely shriveled scrotums just skyrocketed in Portland Oregon. Local vaginas are becoming dry in response, the most intense pussydrought in recent memory!

Sex Couch (allegedly) @yeahthatsexcouch.bsky.social · 26d

Elon going to the Pedophisland doesn't surprise me at all
#ReleaseTheEpsteinFiles

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Sex Couch (allegedly) @yeahthatsexcouch.bsky.social · 28d

Yeah but after the rapture of The Rapture you don't want to, it sucks

Sex Couch (allegedly) @yeahthatsexcouch.bsky.social · 29d

Twingers (that's Twin Gingers) Noodle and Soup

Noodle (L) and Soup (R) two orange cats about to pass out for an hour or two before they tear the house a new one all night long

Sex Couch (allegedly) @yeahthatsexcouch.bsky.social · Sep 23

Nah, they added the 24th. It's now Rapture on September 23/24. So I guess they have until midnight? Maybe PST? The goalposts were flimsy to begin with, they move easy.

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Sex Couch (allegedly) @yeahthatsexcouch.bsky.social · Sep 23

It's a good thing you all didn't get Raptured today. The poo etc. doesn't get Raptured, so it would have been a real mess for the rest of us.

Sex Couch (allegedly) @yeahthatsexcouch.bsky.social · Sep 23

Find some fence-sitter and guilt them into giving up the login info for their account?

Sex Couch (allegedly) @yeahthatsexcouch.bsky.social · Sep 22

Nothing can good come of this, some maybe bad can. Good America, luck. The closest the right will ever get to having a Yoda.

Sex Couch (allegedly) @yeahthatsexcouch.bsky.social · Sep 22

@jimmykimmel.com see you Tuesday? Like I'll be watching, not on as a guest. Or...?

Sex Couch (allegedly) @yeahthatsexcouch.bsky.social · Sep 22

No Disney+ around here, it's all CBC Gem and NFB.ca. Oh, and Netflix because they greenlit Colbert.

National Film Board of Canada

Watch quality Canadian documentary, animation and fiction films online

NFB.ca

Sex Couch (allegedly) @yeahthatsexcouch.bsky.social · Sep 22

Dear blondii,

My circulatory system is an old Capri Sun juice bag, straws, and stale Twizzlers. Had it medically stopped... *checks notes* 0 times yesterday. Hope yours is doing alright.

Your pal,
Sex Couch

Sex Couch (allegedly) @yeahthatsexcouch.bsky.social · Sep 21

TikTok to be renamed TikFox

Rupert Murdoch, Michael Dell part of U.S. TikTok buyer group, Trump says

The White House says a deal should be signed in the coming days.

share.google

Sex Couch (allegedly) @yeahthatsexcouch.bsky.social · Sep 12

This one is for Chumbie Krik or whatever the fuck his name was

Chumbawamba - The Day The Nazi Died Lyrics

YouTube video by Becca Critchley - Magpie

youtu.be

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