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@With1v

@with1v.bsky.social

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@With1v @with1v.bsky.social · Sep 12

An announcement.
Some of you already know this.
Since 30th October 2024, I've been writing some brand #NewAlanBennetts. My routine has been to wake up at silly o'clock & write the first thing that comes into my head. I will be bringing this to an end. However, I will be bringing you something new.

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@With1v @with1v.bsky.social · 18h

"Why don't they grow their own peas?" asked Mam.
"Who?" I dared ask.
"The people of the Middle East."
"Sorry?"
"All they have to do is give peas a chance."
Mam smiled knowing that she'd got me and then took her final breath. #NewAlanBennetts

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@With1v @with1v.bsky.social · 1d

The bringing in of the green tomatoes was a signal that not everything should be ripe and ready.
"Occasionally, life isn't perfect." stated Maude.
She swiftly changed her mind when George ate a kilo of said tomatoes and his flatulence became ripe and ready. #NewAlanBennetts

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@With1v @with1v.bsky.social · 2d

Is there a grasstrack on?

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@With1v @with1v.bsky.social · 2d

"Diane has gone to a better place," said Maude.
"What do you mean? She's only gone to Skegness," replied Joan.
"No, not that Diane! The one in the films. Such a loss."
"You're right. They should never have got rid of Meg Mortimer either." #NewAlanBennetts

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@With1v @with1v.bsky.social · 3d

Initially, you are attracted to the brilliance. You get closer. You get so close and then the brilliance fades. After time, you return to the brilliance to admire it. Then, you forget how brilliant it is. Then, for the rest of your life, you return to the corona time after time & live in the glow.

@With1v @with1v.bsky.social · 3d

Has anyone seen the swarms of privately educated kids migrating across to the state sector yet? Asking for a friend.

@With1v @with1v.bsky.social · 3d

Listening to the music of Fairport Convention tonight. I have made a very bold statement... "The Folk Music of the M5 and surrounding regions." Discuss... (Do not throw things at me).

@With1v @with1v.bsky.social · 3d

Is it Edward Fox Saturday?

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@With1v @with1v.bsky.social · 3d

What a year it has been!

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@With1v @with1v.bsky.social · 3d

Happy birthday to Neil, Josie, Richard, Lee & Ruth who are the @comedystoreplayers.com and bring pure joy. Tomorrow catch @kirstynewton.bsky.social and Monica GaGa too. Go see the show at the @comedystoreuk.bsky.social #comedystoreplayers40
Tickets! comedystoreplayers.com/players

The Players | The Comedy Store Players

The Comedy Store Players have been wowing audiences for 40 years with their improvisational skills, creating unique shows every week in the heart of London’s West End.

comedystoreplayers.com

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@With1v @with1v.bsky.social · 3d

Only 19 days left until something new. Here is your clue...
1. Lego 2. Joint. 3. Love. 4. Only

@With1v @with1v.bsky.social · 3d

Mam has just heard Meatloaf singing about crying icicles instead of tears. As it's been an emotional week, she's decided to put the heating on to avoid any such arctic-related disasters. #NewAlanBennetts

@With1v @with1v.bsky.social · 3d

The French Prime Minister needs to form a cabinet by Monday or the economy will collapse. Perhaps he should talk to the people at Ikea. #NewAlanBennetts

@With1v @with1v.bsky.social · 4d

Nigel is currently wearing eau de toilette cleaner. It's the only substance that takes away the stench of his racist politics. #NewAlanBennetts

@With1v @with1v.bsky.social · 5d

After the journey home from work, Roger is thinking about taking up swearing professionally. #NewAlanBennetts

@With1v @with1v.bsky.social · 6d

Maureen's been placed in her wooden overcoat. Ralph struggles as he makes a dinner for one. The drawers are filled with memories. Reluctantly, he peels a square of tin foil big enough for one potato. Maureen's ethereal voice echoes, "Bake me a potato! Make me a full, metal jacket!" #NewAlanBennetts

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Reposted by @With1v

Ian Hall @ian64.bsky.social · 7d

Norma's newfound enthusiasm for amateur drama was perhaps too enthusiastic, her physical gesticulation so wild as to threaten virtual lift-off and pose a danger to air traffic control.

#NewAlanBennetts

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@With1v @with1v.bsky.social · 7d

A double visit to the local museum did not bring any new insights for Eric. Instead, he thought he would make his own history by blocking the entrance to protect the public from being exposed to Yorkshire Made in Matchsticks. Fortunately, a fire broke out. #NewAlanBennetts

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@With1v @with1v.bsky.social · 8d

Kemi who?

@With1v @with1v.bsky.social · 8d

"Is it one or many?" asked Maude.
"What?" asked Joan in confusion.
"Monopoly! Mono: meaning one, single or alone. Poly: meaning many or much."
"Oh. I thought it was a game."
The excitement of living with a former Countdown champion saw no bounds.
#NewAlanBennetts

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@With1v @with1v.bsky.social · 9d

Yesterday while wandering in town, Eric tumbled into a Fun Palace. He expected lap dancing but instead learned how to cross-stitch, weave & develop his inner artist.

Today there is a seminar on 'Crochet Means Hook' so he'll no longer call the implement a crochet hook. #FunPalaces #NewAlanBennetts

Reposted by @With1v

Adrian Goldberg @goldbergradio.bsky.social · 10d

Calling all #BackpoolFC supporters...

See you next Thursday to talk about my new book, 'Where's The Money Gone? The Battle for the Soul of English Football'.

Big chapter on your battle to save your club.

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@With1v @with1v.bsky.social · 10d

Last night, we raised a glass to Pat. One of the greatest! We laughed at the memories of Kitty, Hyacinth, Hetty and Irene Ruddock. Like a final standing ovation, no-one wanted to put their glasses down. RIP Patricia Routledge

#NewAlanBennetts

@With1v @with1v.bsky.social · 11d

I wish only to celebrate the life of Dame Patricia Routledge!
She brought such joy as Kitty & perfectly delivered the comedy of Victoria Wood. She also brought nuance to Alan Bennett's Talking Heads. If you only know her as Mrs Bucket, look again. #NewAlanBennetts
www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vNAbCxyxMA

Kitty - Patricia Routledge (1929-2025)

YouTube video by comedy_express

www.youtube.com

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@With1v @with1v.bsky.social · 11d

Eric was pleased with Maude's compliment.
"Eric, you've got a golden tongue." said Maude.
"Thank you." he replied while smiling.
"No! Eric! You've got a golden tongue from sucking one of your special Christmas pens."
The season of ill-will had finally arrived.
#NewAlanBennetts